General Question

anoop66's avatar

Why does majority of the society hate Happy/self motivated/cheerful people?

Asked by anoop66 (899points) July 21st, 2010

The title is self-explanatory

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

48 Answers

jaytkay's avatar

Does the majority of the society hate Happy/self motivated/cheerful people?

Everyone I know is drawn to people like that.

Ivan's avatar

Because the majority of us aren’t happy, self motivated, cheerful people.

TexasDude's avatar

Tall Poppy Syndrome?

le_inferno's avatar

Yeah, I’m not sure I agree with the assumption you make in your question. But I’d guess that people get annoyed with cheerful ones because they’re either envious, or find them to be exhausting.

dpworkin's avatar

I’ll tell you as soon as you stop beating your wife.

anartist's avatar

When you are making a difficult truce with the world for whatever reason, the people who pass by laughing as if they own it do stick in the craw a bit.

perspicacious's avatar

I think you are mistaken.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I think society hates people that aren’t happy, self-motivated, and cheerful.

anartist's avatar

@papayalily depend on which side you be on

Neizvestnaya's avatar

We don’t hate them but we do suspect them of not being genuine.

ipso's avatar

“How could you ever be happy with a man who insists on treating you as if you were a perfectly normal human being?”Oscar Wilde

zophu's avatar

If someone feels they live in a world that makes them miserable, seeing people being happy in that world is off-putting. Sometimes, the criticism of people’s happiness is justified. But, miserable people are rarely qualified to be the critics. So, the problem kind of perpetuates itself.

I reworded your question to Why do some people sometimes hate others for being cheerful?

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t think people hate happy cheerful, motivated people, I think we hate people who can’t shut up abouot themselves, who are conceided about it. People need to know when it is ok to share their personal triumphs and when it isn’t. I love being surrounded by happy, positive people, I am attracted to that type of person, and I think happiness can be contagious.

I also think that as people get older they are able to be happy for other people better than when they are young. Its a totally subjective observation on my part, but that is what I have found. People are more generous, more giving, more empathetic, and find more joy in other people’s happiness as they mature.

If someone is unhappy, and they are around people who are bragging, it is like a blaring message that someone else’s life is better than theirs as other people have mentioned above.

whatthefluther's avatar

Others often tend to assume such people were unfairly dealt a pat winning hand and that life is much too easy for them. However, a cheerful demeanor does not necessarily correspond with circumstances. I think it is more of an attitude resulting from an ability to look at and appreciate the bigger picture and not get hung up on and sweat the “smaller” stuff.
See ya….Gary/wtf

YARNLADY's avatar

People who are not happy often assume that happy people are lying, just like liars think everyone lies. I don’t agree with your basic statement about the majority of people though.

Jeruba's avatar

I don’t know what the majority of society hates; I’m not an expert on the opinions of the majority of society. But some people who are happy, self-motivated, and cheerful are a delight to be around and an inspiration to others. And some are a pain in the neck because they can’t stop telling you how happy, self-motivated, and cheerful they are.

marinelife's avatar

I disagree with the premise of your question. I do not think that the majority of society hates cheerful. happy people.

Are you perhaps projecting?

Luffle's avatar

I like genuinely happy and motivated people. I don’t like people who pretend to be that way though.

Trillian's avatar

What @Jeruba said. You cannot assert that “society” will ever agree as a majority about anything, much less something as banal and trite as an opinion about the attitudes of others. Expecially about the attitudes of others, as ons’e own feelings about others changes throughout the day as one experiences one’s own highs and lows.

stardust's avatar

I like to be around happy, self-motivated people. It’s refreshing to be around people who see/feel the joy in life. I find it draining to be around people who pretend that this is how they feel. I don’t agree with your statement overall.

chels's avatar

One word: Jealousy.

DominicX's avatar

Because they’re miserable negative resentful jealous people. Now, there’s nothing I hate more than an arrogant person who shoves their success and happiness in people’s faces and/or puts others down. But to hate non-arrogant people because they are happy in life is not going to help you one bit. Chances are it’ll only make your situation worse and make you feel worse. Also, those people who seem happy cheerful 100% of the time, are not 100% of the time. Everyone has problems. Theirs might just not show as much.

I also disagree that it’s the “majority of society”. I took this to just refer to people who do hate happy people or claim to hate them.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Your premise is an gross over-generalization. Some happy, self-motivated, cheerful people overplay their hands and draw excessive attention to themselves. Some people can brush off such behaviour and some people get annoyed or frustrated with their behaviour. Even among those annoyed people, few of them really hate such people.

MaryW's avatar

I respectfully suggest that you should consider that you may have a skewed opinion. I do not believe that your question indicates the truth.
If you are referring to selfcentered fake cheery people I agree with @Dr_Lawrence and his answer concerning annoyance.

BoBo1946's avatar

Fine line between being happy and arrogant. People that are truly happy, love others and inspire them. The arrogant happy ones are in love with themselves. Big difference. nothing worse than an happy arrogant a**hole! Just saying!

jazmina88's avatar

jealousy and frustration…...

AmWiser's avatar

Happiness can be contagious. Maybe some people fear being happy.

josie's avatar

Great question. Happiness is what happens when you reasonably conclude, through your effort and action, that you are an effective person in the biological and social sense. Most people these days do not know how to be that way. They are either embarrassed or chicken-shit to stick their necks out and take a chance at proving their worth. So they never find out. And they are never happy. They get upset when they see others doing it because it calls attention to their inadequacy. If they cannot make you disappear, then they can only try to make you look like you have a “problem”. My parents told me to ignore it.

Seaminglysew's avatar

Great answer josie. I have lived both ways, afraid to stick my neck out and take a chance, and now, the risk taker, not really caring what others think of me. I know inside that I am a good person, as well as worthy. I am the person you pull up next to in traffic that is smiling, for no apparent reason. My choice to be happy with myself being motivated and happy with life and the people who surround me has been the best thing ever. I do not seek to make you angry or jealous, just to live my life to the fullest! If the so called majority of life hates me, so be it, although it has been my experience that when I smile at some one, they always smile back. :)

josie's avatar

@Seaminglysew well kudos to you for discovering and acting on “the secret”.

gondwanalon's avatar

Wow I had no idea that the majority of society hated me. Well that is their problem. C’est la vie! Que Sera Sera!

ninjacolin's avatar

Because they’re misguided about how they ought to be. While misguided they believe they are right that being so ridiculously negative is what is best.

woodcutter's avatar

its all in the pharmaceuticals ?

Coloma's avatar a happy, cheerful, self motivated person who is not arrogant, but has a healthy self esteem and confidence, I can speak for those of us that are sick and tired of negative, miserable, pessimistic people.

I am in process of distancing from a 15 year friendship with a perpetual drama addict that is always in a state of chaos and never misses a beat in bringing down those around her and their happy moments.

Negative, unhappy people are far more of a ‘threat’ to the happy & naturally cheerful than the other way around.

Jabe73's avatar

GQ. Not everyone that seems happy, outgoing and optimistic are decent people. At the same time just because some people do not have to show off their “happiness” or “good fortune” to other people this does not necessarily mean they are negative, jealous or hateful people. I have found many individuals that do not quite openly show happiness to other people to be the most decent, caring and trustworthy individuals I have ever known. I have seen many of these so called outgoing, confident and happy people single many other people out, talk about people behind their backs and doing much worse things.

I think there is a very thin line here and people shouldn’t be so quick to judge just by what other people openly allow you to see. People who are truely happy with themselves usually do not need to show it off. Not everything is always what it seems.

NaturallyMe's avatar

I didn’t know that the majority of people don’t like those kinds of people, but i can only imagine that they don’t like them because they themselves are miserable and are in a way envious of those who are happy, and so decide to dislike them for it.

Coloma's avatar

I think it’s about observing long standing patterns with people not just an occasional negative moment which can happen to anyone.

Part of healthy relationships of all kinds is reciprocity, not just about sharing the hard times but the ability to celebrate the good times.

Jealousy and envy of others happy times is a miserable way to live, not only does it alienate others but it also is a block to acheiving ones own happy state.

Misery loves company and in my case, with this one particular friend I have long known she feeds off of other unhappy times and resents their good times.

This is a very toxic trait and while one can have empathy it is best to avoid a lot of contact with the gloomy Eeeyores of the planet.

I am grateful that envy and jealousy are not a part of my makeup, talk about the road to hell. lol

Everyone gets their moment in the sun, as well as their share of the hard times.

Those two emotions are responsable for massive amounts of unhappiness.

anoop66's avatar

I’m sorry for framing my question the wrong way. Not the majority really but quite a few people are like that. I am a happy and awesome feeling type of guy. Saddistic people really are jealous or they feel like I have a mysterious divine secret that’s making me happy, when its nothing really but a mindset :)

Great answers though, gets me thinking…

anoop66's avatar

Some people have even tried to dissect my life (imagine !!) and point out what’s wrong with it, even though I am totally content. Its like geez something is wrong with this guy, there’s absolutely no way life can be happy and satisfying, let me wake him up to the reality !

How do you deal with such people? They are particularly difficult to deal with.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Are you familiar with the saying, “Is the glass half empty or half full?” I think that some people see the glass as filled to the brim. We are all wired differently, and when The Golden Rule is used in situations dealing with different personalities, feelings get hurt.

I have two friends that are always positive, and for a long time, I waited to see the chink in their armor. It never happened, and I came to realize that it was just the way they are. It must be difficult for you to have to deal with the push-back. And it is probably harder than for those who feel the need to dissect your life.

So, how to deal with such people? Here are a couple of tips:
* If someone starts to analyze you, give it a laugh and find a polite way to say, “Back off.”
* If someone is venting about their woes and it gets to be too much, excuse yourself from the conversation.
* If someone comes to you to talk about a negative situation, ask if they have come for advice or just to vent. If it is the latter and you are willing to listen, brace yourself up for a painful experience which includes biting your tongue.

Coloma's avatar


lol I so agree.

Some people just love to try and define you.

My friend I am distancing from is like that.

She is always telling me how I don’t think, feel etc. the way I do! WTF!

I think that joy and happiness ( which IS all about contentment ) is such an alien concept to many, they truly can’t fathom that it is possible to enjoy yourself, your life, regardless of some rough moments or setbacks.

I really think it is about resiliancy, some are just better at brushing themsleves off and getting on with it and others stay stuck in gloom & doom mode forever.

It is all about a mindset…look for happy and you’ll find it, look for gloom and you will find that too.

One thing I have discovered is that if you only talk about present moment reality, what is happening right NOW, people have very little to talk about! lol

You’ll notice that the vast majority of negative peoples conversations are past focused or future based, mostly about negative past events or worrisome possible future events.

If you keep the conversation in the now it is hilarious to watch that after sharing the basics of your present moment there is absolutely nothing else to say!

daytonamisticrip's avatar

its basic psychology. they see how happy that person is. they want to be happy, but they aren’t happy so hate happy people for basically stealing all the happiness

anoop66's avatar

@Coloma @Pied_Pfeffer You guys absolutely hit the nail on the head.
@Coloma What you say about NOW is so true. I mean the thing about living in the present is tough but if you can achieve it, you have less to deal with and more to be happy about. The future comes fast enough, so I’d rather not worry about it. The past.. well I think about the past only when I am in an introspective mood. If you are in the past or future all the time, its spells trouble..

Coloma's avatar


It really is true!

I credit being an Eckhart Tolle groupie some years ago ‘now’ ( lol ) with really being able to keep in the present moment mindset most of the time.

Like anything it takes awarenss and discipline but the rewards are huge.

Learning to train your mind, brain, and catch yourself when going into past or future ( neither of which EXIST, one being gone forever and the other nothing more than thought forms with no present moment basis whatsoever, a ‘story’ if you will.)

If everyone only talked about the present moment ( I am watering my flowers now, I am walking down the stars now, I am drinking my coffee now…well….it is a very interesting excercise and eliminates 99% of useless babble.

If you always bring your attention back to the present moment you are actually living in the only space you can live in…the present moment. haha

The ‘gift’ of being fully present whether in really just looking at a flower or putting your full attention on another is the secret to mindful living.

Most people are so lost in thought they really are not here now! lol

I don’t want to lose the moment lost in unconscious thinking.

keiko24's avatar

Haha. I love your question! Is one of the people trying to dissect your life and wake you up to reality, by any chance, your mother?

I have a grown son who always has had a “Don’t worry – Be happy” personality. He definitely knows how to live in the moment. Never regrets the past and rarely plans for the future. So far, life has generally gone his way. I certainly don’t hate him – but I worry about him tremendously. And, yes, I nag him to think ahead and try to be more serious. My bad!

Maybe it is not hate but overactive concern that motivates your detractors.

kitszu's avatar

Let me ask a question. In kindergarden, did you like the kid who owned the only toy you wanted to play with? How did you feel when that child wouldn’t share with you? I’m guessing there was some sense of injustice, “it just wasn’t fair!”. So twenty years later, you are exactly what the company that hired you out of college needs. You are very good at your job, so when they hire an intern a few years later, they assign you to train him. He’s a few years older and feels somewhat entitled, or he’s a few years younger and thinks he already knows everything. He will resent you, your happiness, etc…Why? You are in possession of the toy he wants…

helenstlkline's avatar

I have never heard that happy people are liars? Who made that one up?

helenstlkline's avatar

People who hate happy people or hate to see people n a cheerful mood have a valid mental disturbance. It’s called Narcissism!!!!! Blow these people off and stay as far away from them as you can they are the people who will drain you for every ounce of blood n your body!!

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