General Question

Soapy's avatar

Would you date your ex's best friend?

Asked by Soapy (99points) March 22nd, 2008 from iPhone

dated this girl for 4mo last January, and whenever I had problems with her I would go to her best friend, well recently it came out (now that were both single) that we both have a thing for each other and click more so than my ex, what should I do? (being with her would most likely destroy their friendship even though the ex made it especially clear that she doesn’t love me anymore)

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21 Answers

joeysefika's avatar

Go for it, “Better to have loved and lost then to have never loved before”

Soapy's avatar

well, the ex, was my first true love. I’m screwed. There’s nothing good that could come of this situation LOL.

joeysefika's avatar

oh well, sorry i can’t help

teejay0514's avatar

Did you and your ex break up on bad terms? If you and your ex are still friends, I’d say go for it. Go out her with friend.

Soapy's avatar

well, we were on semi ok terms, but I went crazy and started trying to get her back, didn’t succeed, I looked crazy, and were not talking anymore, LOL

hollywoodduck's avatar

It sounds like you understand some of the issues that could come with this situation. Are you ok with knowing what dating her could mean to their friendship?

Does the friend understand fully what this could do to her friendship too? And is she ok with what might happen? Is she willing to lose her friend for you?

I say if you’re not comfortable knowing the implications of getting together with the friend then now is not the time. If you believe that there is something special there and it is meant to be then things will work out. But she also needs to be cognitive of the situation and the implications and decide what she wants to do too. Because if she goes into this and loses her friend she could come out resentful towards you and that wouldn’t be good for your relationship either.

Soapy's avatar

well, this hasn’t been talked about yet, but I love this site, I was just using this site as my sober conscience, hah.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

do it if you click, dont make it one if those what if regrets. Try it if It don’t work oh well at least you tried, for most people, it could be looked at being as a messed up situation. But how true friends are they? If the other person is down why not?

You are two people making your own decisions. If its a mistake then you’ll learn from it, if not then its the love of your life for everthing inbetween is experience.

DS's avatar

I think that you should speak to her friend first to see if she’s willing to go out with you.If so give it a go your ex might mad at both of you but she might not. You said that she hasn’t any feeling for you. If she’s a good best friend she should accept her best friend decision.

scamp's avatar

If they truly are food friends, they will survive this. Granted, your ex may get upset at first, but she will calm down in time.. either as she gets used to the fact that you are now with her friend or after it’s over if it fails. Talk to both girls about this, and tell them you don’t want to hurt either one of them. Beyond that, you don’t need any one’s permission.

One warning tho. If the two stay friends, every time you have a problem with the new girl, they will discuss it, and you will then have both of them plotting against you.

skfinkel's avatar

I would wait awhile. Keep being friends, though. It might be that the friend will be the one to ask your ex if she minds if you two go out. In any case, waiting a bit longer will make it easier on your ex and her friend.

chaosrob's avatar

That the “best friend” thinks it’s okay to be attracted to you and and act on it suggests some boundary issues. Possibly she’s unable to recognize that this isn’t really appropriate and might raise a lot of issues that could hurt her friend.

Also, the fact that you no longer speak with your ex means you won’t really be communicating openly with her about dating her friend, so you’re not going to be making her feel any better about it, either.

All in all, between the two of you, you ought to do quite a bit of damage. Probably just as well that she’s already not speaking to you anyway.

Soapy's avatar

hahaha, I know right? Well she fessed up and realized she was being selfish and wrong. But apparently the ex has been talking shit on me (even though I never did anything wrong to her except love her), so I almost slept with her best friend just to get back at her, but I came to my senses. Damn conscience, LOL.

Robby's avatar

If your trying to move on then no absolutely not. “Thats just my opinion” If however you do and you still have feelings for her will this be a problem for you/her and , the friend? I’m pretty sure through out history this stuation rarely works out.

Hinata_88's avatar

If I didn’t know that he was friend’s with my ex-boyfriend, but now that I know I guess it wouldn’t hurt to date one of his friends. My ex-boyfriend is my friend now.

ronski's avatar

It sounds like it doesn’t really matter that much what happens with you and the ex, but that it does matter what happens to her and her best friend.

I would do the better thing, and not go for the best friend. I have been in a similar situation, and I opted out of it because I just don’t like to hurt people. I just wouldn’t feel okay starting a friendship out of a broken one and this would only create drama. I’ve always been under the belief that anything that starts badly ends badly too. Ask yourself if you really care about this girl enough to take on this huge responsibility? Are you doing this for the right reasons? Is she doing this for the right reasons? Are you “just doing this to get back at her?”

If this ex was really your first true love, why would you hurt her so much? Do you want to hurt her? I guess there’s a lot of questions to ask yourself.

If I were you, I would just try to cut them both out and date someone that has nothing to do with either of them. I know that people often act like they do things out of passion and that they can’t help themselves from stomping over other people’s feelings, but I think people can be better than that and often times do have hidden agendas. If you don’t feel like you can cut her out, I would at least wait a while to see if it is really true and worth all the drama…

JakeVig's avatar

I personally have been in this precise situation… I did end up dating the best friend for almost 6 months, and it was definitely an amazing 6 months. They were still friends throughout that time and afterwards, but I must say that I was less than welcome with open arms when my ex was around. We eventually broke up for unrelated reasons, but based on that experience I would say go for it! Live for now.

DrMC's avatar

I love it at the race track when the say “keep it clean kids”

Opportunity can give treats, but there are many “complications”

I like my opportunities uncomplicated. Life is too short.

bean's avatar

D: OMG i am in the same situation,

it’s been almost 5 months and my ex boyfriend didn’t treat me well, and two weeks later told me he does not love at all and doesn’t care about me, and he already moved on and I should to…. his friend and I are going to go on a date when I return from over seas, we get along so well but they are not that close, they grew up together but catch up once every few months.
My ex completely ignored me and broke my heart pretty bad since the break up. So I decided
do i really like this guy? very much
does my ex love me? I think not
Of course I don’t want to hurt him… but if he’s going to be upset because it hits his ego… or pride, and if your ex girlfriend feels that too than they are selfish and don’t own us. We can start having feelings for others, no matter who they are. Thats what I believe.
But I think you also have to consider how was your relationship with your ex girlfriend? My ex boyfriend gave me no respect and treated me very badly, it was a world of pain… and I’ve been told he doesn’t deserve anything from me…. I’ve put him behind me… but don’t date your ex’s friend for any other purpose such as revenge or anything!

bean's avatar

Had to leave a comment, this is situation is happening now for me U_U

lovable's avatar

I would say you should date your ex’s friend. If they were really friends she would understand. Your ex will have jealous issues though and you can’t blame her for that though. As long as you really like the girl get at her.

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