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jabzoog's avatar

How should I tell my roommates I want to move out?

Asked by jabzoog (18points) March 23rd, 2008 from iPhone

I live with 2roommates in a very small apt in NYC. They’re fine and all but when the lease is up in august, I want to move to Brooklyn and live alone. Problem is, they assumed we’d all live together for the duration if college. I need to tell them soon, but I don’t know when or how to bring it up or what to say. Its very important as they’re both my good and only friends.

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15 Answers

okc405's avatar

hey roomates I’m leaving in august.

bulbatron9's avatar

I would tell them as soon as possible, and let them know how you feel about them. Great friends will understand your desire to be alone.

ben's avatar

The trick with this is the framing.

Try something like, “my friendship with you is really important to me, and that’s why I don’t want to jeopardize it by living together.”

Instead of making into a negative, you need to spin it (just a little), so it becomes more flattering. It’s because they’re such good friends that you think living together might not be ideal—you’ll never leave the house. In a different place, your friendship can grow and thrive.

peedub's avatar

Sooner is way better. The good thing for them is that there will be no shortage of people wanting to move in. Good choice on Brooklyn. Williamsburg?

Beckquador24's avatar

The sooner they know the better.
It gives them time to look for another roomate or another place if needed.
If you wait till the last minute its makes you look inconsiderate.
A explanation of your reason for wanting to live alone will sound much better to them than a simple I’m moving out.

flipper's avatar

I gotta say, your answer sounds a lot like what I used to get from girls who were breaking up with me. The old, “it’s not you, it’s me.” thing.
I am with you on the “your friendship means a lot to me,” part, but the rest seems transparent.
How about, “your friendship means a lot to me so I am going to be honest with you. I would like to move to Brooklyn and live alone.” ?
The truth is usually the best approach in the long run.

DeezerQueue's avatar

You can’t please everyone all the time, but your reason for wanting to move when the lease is up has nothing to do with them. It clearly comes from a need of your own, to live alone. Not everyone is meant to have roommates, I tried it twice and couldn’t really do it, either.

You just need to tell them. We can’t expect everything we hear to be pleasant.

scamp's avatar

The others have pretty well summed it up.
1. Be honest, Tell them you want to try living alone
2. Do it soon, so they can find a replacement
3. Don’t burn any bridges with them in case your new place doesn’t work out. You may
need to come back, and you want to preserve the friendship.
4. Offer help finding a replacement.

Before you leave for school one morning, tell them you need to talk to them when you get back, and set up a time. That way it will prepare them , and let them know you have something serious in mind. It will also give you the day to think about what you will say.

mzgator's avatar

Do it soon and be honest. If they are your good friends., they will respect your honesty. They will appreciate the fact that you gave them ample time to find another room mate, and they will be happy for you getting a place of your own.

axlefoley's avatar

Start talking in your sleep, about how they will never catch you. And scream that you did’nt mean to kill them all!. That should do it. Basically act like a mad man or woman?

Supergirl's avatar

I moved out in the middle of my senior year, after living with 3 of my sorority sisters for two years. I really wanted to have my own space. I just sat them down and said that I was feeling kind of cramped, and that I wanted to live on my own before graduation. I didn’t go into the whole “I really value our friendship” thing, because it wasn’t about our friendship——it was just about wanting to come home to my own place, with my own things, and my own groceries. It was that simple, and so I tried to keep it simple. They had no issues with it, just sad that I was moving out. Don’t turn it into a break-up.

DeezerQueue's avatar

There’s always the alternative, if you simply can’t deal with confrontation. Don’t shower for a few weeks, scratch yourself in front of them, clip your toenails and aim them to shoot in their direction, eat their food, wear their clothing without asking, don’t pay your share of the rent or other obligations, you know, reinvent “50 ways to leave your roommates.”

flipper's avatar

Have you tried telling them your gay? That may do it!

ben's avatar

I hear what you’re saying… I’m not proposing dishonesty (jabzoog did indeed say his friendships were super important), rather a slightly overoptimistic phrasing. It’s true, especially with real friends, honesty is important. But I’ve found the tone and language you use to deliver news can make all the difference in how it’s received.

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