General Question

deannaa's avatar

Long distance relationships?

Asked by deannaa (30points) March 26th, 2008

just wondering.. whats your opinion on long distance relationships?

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27 Answers

delirium's avatar

Depends how long the distance is.
My boyfriend is at his school which is over an hour (driving at 80) away.
My mantra is “You have to make sacrifices for long distance relationships”. I sacrificed my weekends and I go up and live with him then. I miss him during the week, yes… but its also giving us a chance to grow in to our own individuals.

I’m not sure how i’d do with it being cross-country though. I don’t think I could deal. I’m a very physical person, and I need my snuggles.

gailcalled's avatar

Here are some very thoughtful answers from an earlier similar question:

Long-distance relationships

amandaafoote's avatar

I had one, usually they end up just hurting you a lot, but it depends on your relationship with the other person and if you can trust them.

rking1487's avatar

I think it depends on the people but I would say the two have to be secure, have good communication skills and be willing to make sacrifices like physical contact.

lovelyy's avatar

i think it can work.
it’s not going to be easy it’ll be very hard,
if you both work at it i see no reason why it couldn’t work.

babiturtle36's avatar

rking1487 great answer. My boyfriend lived in Texas and I lived in Florida. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years before I made the move to Texas. It was very hard at times. Communication is extremely important. Every 2 months one of us would fly to go see the other. Oh and there MUST be trust or you might as well forget it, you’ll be paranoid all the time. But it does work out if you are commited enough. We have been together for almost 5 years now.

cwilbur's avatar

It depends on how solid the foundation is and how long you need to be apart.

scamp's avatar

A very good internet friend of mine has spent more than half her married days away from her husband. He is currently serving his 4th deployment in Iraq. They have been able to make it work, but it has been very difficult.

She tells me that there is a period of adjustment when he comes home. For example: She gets used to doing things a certain way while he is gone, and feels a bit annoyed that he “invades her space” when he gets back. He expects things to be exactly the same as he left them, and it annoys him to find things have changed . But the two of them have a good basic foundation and a lot of love for each other, so they have learned how to work around it.

So while it can be very difficult, I think it can be done with a lot of love an patience.

babygalll's avatar

In some cases I think they can work, but both have to be extremely flexible to be able to travel and spend time together. In other cases they are very hard and take a lot of work to keep it going.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

i think its too difficult. period.

but thats just me.

rking1487's avatar

@tennessee I don’t think its to difficult if that person matters to you enough and you can make that sacrifice.

amandaafoote's avatar

@rking- it is difficult even if the person means the world to you, there are constantly misunderstandings, when you fight you can’t have them there to make it better, them never there to comfort you, and you do get lonely, it is all worth it if you love them, but it’s also very hard.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

i agree with amanda. if you get in a disagreement its hard to make amends over the phone. you never realllllly know whats going on where they are and no matter how much you trust them, i just dont think youll ever know everything. and whos to say that they tell you everything? trust is definitely a major component in a long distance relationship, but i think its a struggle to maintain that.

amandaafoote's avatar

@tennessee – My boyfriend I had a long distance relationship with royally screwed me over many times, so usually there is more going on there than they tell you…for anyone trying it, it’s probably worth it not to try, it just messes with your emotions and really hurts you in the end.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

amanda: i go to Vanderbilt and my now ex goes to UNC. its only about 9 hours or so apart but it still meant we couldnt be together every day or even talk every day because of our schedules. i dont think anything was going on with him (like if he was seeing other girls or anything) but i cant be sure. it was just hard not being around him. in the end we decided to split because it was too difficult.

amandaafoote's avatar

I don’t blame you for finding it too difficult, 9 hours is still pretty far away, and even if you do have trust in them, there is still always someone putting ideas in your head that make you upset, especially with the fact you already couldn’t be certain that you were right for trusting them.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

and @rking1487: from your responses it sounds like youre involved in a long distance relationship. im not passing any judgement, im just saying that from my experience it doesnt seem to work out.

amanda: 9 hours didnt seem that long when we decided to try to make it work. but once youre separated it seems like a universe. i couldnt imagine being across the country, or around the world.

rking1487's avatar

No I’m not I was just giving my opinion and saying it depends and not to just say no don’t do it. Amanda made some great points about possible situations but i don’t think I would feel those insecurities. In any relationship you have to have trust I mean if your significant other says I’m going out with my friend, 9 hours away or 9 mins you should trust them if you are in a relationship. I don’t think its fair to say its to difficult don’t try don’t do it. Disregard the you should iPhone woes.
you should

amandaafoote's avatar

@rking- Would you trust the person if they told you they were going out with their friend, if you had found out they had lied to you/not told you things before?

rking1487's avatar

No I wouldnt trust anyone who lied to me. I also wouldnt get into a relationship with someone who lied to me.

amandaafoote's avatar

@rking- I understand you’re point of view, but when you’re in that kind of relationship you don’t expect them to lie, and when you find out they do it does hurt you, but if you love someone that much to be in the long distance relationship, you usually also love them enough to give them a second chance(which sometimes turns in to a third, fourth, fifth, etc) & that’s where the problems begin. Somethings slipped my mind in my relationship which caused fights over tiny things that wouldn’t have happened if it were in person, which puts a big strain on the relationship with the small fights that could have been avoided.

TennesseeTeacake's avatar

im not saying “dont do it” as a generalization. im just saying that from my own personal experience and from what ive seen my friends go through it takes a lot of energy and a lot of work. its not as easy as some people (especially young people) think it is. i was one of those people who thought that and i got a big reality check once he transferred to UNC.
i have tremendous respect for couples who can make it work. however, i think the majority of people are shocked once they find out what theyve gotten themselves into and the kind of dedication it takes.

amandaafoote's avatar

I agree with tennessee, it’s one of those things you have to experience for yourself to understand fully.

rking1487's avatar

I agree with that for sure i guess I just get to know someone pretty well before I start a relationship. I’m sorry you got lied to and had a bad experience but I think there was a good conversation about the topic thank you both for being mature

Robby's avatar

I say they can work because I’m in one. It just so happens too that her name is Amanda which I found funny. We are apart by 1500 miles and I will be moving there around the end of summer. It is key to have goals in place for reinsurance and just to know that your not doing it for nothing.It’s been 19 months and she has been here twice and I just returned from there. It is very hard at times and the communication is very improtant.
We have had problems in the communication area and miss understandings and just simply not being able to have the physical part of it takes a tole as well. You diffinitley need to be strong and have trust and faith.

Robby's avatar

I meant take its toll not tole….lol

AmyKat's avatar

It’s so hard! I miss him so freaking much every day!

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