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nikipedia's avatar

(NSFW?) What qualities influence how much you enjoy sex with a particular person?

Asked by nikipedia (27333 points ) June 13th, 2011

I’ve had a couple conversations lately in which men said the most important factors for enjoying (heterosexual) sex are how enthusiastic the woman is, and how confident she is—her actual attractiveness isn’t so important.

I’m wondering if this is generally true, and if there are other factors that are important? I was initially curious about men’s preferences for women, but it should be interesting to hear from everyone about everyone.

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20 Answers

janbb's avatar

My feelings for the person, the chemistry between us and their knowledge and technique.

QueenOfNowhere's avatar

In my opinion, love is the first thing that makes sex amazing. The continuing intense feelings in your stomach… When you love the person and hold him/her close, that’s the best feeling ever

Bellatrix's avatar

Again, coincidently I had a conversation like this with @zen_ and others the other day about what makes a person sexy. I said I felt the confidence a person exudes makes them sexy. Plus the perception of how involved that person was likely to be in bed, influenced how sexy they appear to be. Similar idea to what you have been told. A man or woman who is fully involved and totally in the moment is much more enjoyable than someone who is worrying about whether their jiggly bits are jiggling, their hair is mussed up, their face looks funny when they orgasm. Being more focused on the person I am with and their enjoyment and how much they are enjoying what we are doing and similarly, they are focused on me and my level of enjoyment is a great turn-on.

marinelife's avatar

How much time he takes, how he picks up on my cues.

wundayatta's avatar

So many things. I need to love her—that’s first. But it’s related to the second, which is her ability to play. Whether it’s flirting or roleplaying—she needs to be creative and fast and smart, and she needs to love playing. Enthusiasm for me and particularly for my cock are crucial. This has to do with my feelings about my cock and how I need someone who can not just accept it or think it beautiful, but actually crave it. If I don’t have that, I’m afraid I’m pushing something unwanted on her, and I double think myself and hold back and try to read minds and it just doesn’t work.

She needs to love what I do to her and be up for just about anything. She needs to be able to swap fantasies with me and tell stories. She needs to understand that foreplay starts long before you ever get to the bedroom. And she needs to love me above all others.

I met her once. It didn’t work out. The woman I married is good, but not like that. She doesn’t make me feel safe to be myself. That’s an issue. We’re too far into it now to make any changes, but it’s an issue and a source of pain for me. Oh well. Gotta focus on something else, but with the emphasis on sex in this society, it is hard not to be reminded all the time of things that pain me.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Trusting my partner.

Knowing each other’s needs and desires well and trying to fulfill them as best as possible.

Compatibility.

Maturity.

The ability and desire to experiment and have fun, to bring excitement and titillation to the act.

Cruiser's avatar

Loving that person, trusting them and having solid wrestling skills is essential.

mrrich724's avatar

I think it is true. If that woman looks like she genuinely wants it just for the sake of how randy she is, and she truly gets into it… it’s worlds apart.

Nobody wants to bump the girl who’s just doing it to appease you or to make herself feel better :/

Uninhibited and raw is best.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I once heard a man say, “All cats are grey in the dark.” It spoke volumes about his style when it came to wooing women.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

I don’t really have to start out physically attracted to someone. If I really like their personality, that’ll make them sexy to me both personality wise and physically.

mazingerz88's avatar

@nikipedia What those men said about having enthusiasm and confidence as very desirable traits in a woman when it comes to enjoying sex are quite true.

Now I could be wrong but sometimes guys also use the words “enthusiastic and confident” as polite substitutes for what really turns them on in most women, whether they are physically attractive or not so much. Enthusiastic and confident could also mean Willing and horny. I think nothing excites a guy more than a woman who “needs” it bad.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@Cruiser I love to wrestle too. ;)

ucme's avatar

Every encounter before I fell in love with the missus was basically humping.
Beyond that it’s called making love.

Plucky's avatar

Love, trust, desire and attentiveness.

janbb's avatar

@ucme That was nice.

ucme's avatar

Why thank you @janbb Shakespeare eat your heart out….well, perhaps a kidney then.

Cruiser's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES When she got me with the figure 4 leg lock I knew she was mine! ;)

Leanne1986's avatar

I need to feel that the person I am having sex with genuinely cares about me. Sex with my boyfriend got so much better once I realised that he loved me.

plethora's avatar

@mrrich724 That says it ALL!!!!!

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

@Cruiser The figure 4 leg lock. Hmmmm, that would work for me too. But think I can get out of it? ;)

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