Social Question

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Do my neighbors think I offed my husband?

Asked by WillWorkForChocolate (22658 points ) May 23rd, 2012

My hubby has been out of town for almost a week.

The neighbors keep asking and asking and asking when he’s coming back, despite the fact that I’ve already answered them several times.

Are they just forgetting what I’ve told them?
Are they anxious for his return because they need his help with something?

Or….... do they secretly fear that I’ve whacked him and stashed him somewhere?

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39 Answers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

They sent the roofing bastard over to check and you scared him so bad they’re pretty sure hubby is worm food.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Oh damn, I didn’t realize that was a test…

elbanditoroso's avatar

Did you use antifreeze or a knife? You can trust us to keep your secret.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Check the topics… Ssshhhhhh.

Trillian's avatar

Can you start acting funny? Try to develop a twitch, or a stammer. Put a 12” fence up around a small area in the back yard.
When he does come back, tell everyone that it’s NOT your husband but an alien replacement. Say that you know for a fact that it isn’t him because…
Carry a large iron skillet with you at all times. Invite people to come to your house to check your basement for pods.

Coloma's avatar

Haha…well, let the busybodies work themselves into a frenzy. Why not dig a mound in the yard and leave a shovel and hoe by the door. ” Oooh, just working on my new raised flower beds, yep, I’ve got a secret recipe for the best fertilizer ever. haha

Give ‘em somthin’ to talk about!

Sunny2's avatar

Whistle a lot. A sure sign of something going on.
You must live in a small community.

CWOTUS's avatar

On the off chance that you really have whacked him and stashed the body… do you have any plans for Friday night?

cazzie's avatar

What’s she doing in there?????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaLjwSpZ6Cs

Coloma's avatar

Ship his remains out to my place, the cougars and coyotes will leave not a trace. lol

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@CWOTUS Well… no, now that you mention it… What’d ya have in mind?

chyna's avatar

Rent a tree chipper. That should scare them.

Coloma's avatar

Haha..thinking about “Fargo”, I gotta watch that movie again!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

That’s what I thought of too! Great minds think alike, eh?

Charles's avatar

The reason is, they forgot what you had told them the first few times. Often when they are talking to you they questions just to be nice and stir up conversation. But while you are answering them, instead of listening to you they focus on their smart phones to catch up on mind numbing facebook posts or they are waving at someone across the street, or checking out someone’s cool car, or watching their kids, or thinking about what to make for dinner, or thinking about how they are going to rendezvous with their boyfriend without their husband catching on, or wondering if they left their sunglasses at Starbucks, or thinking about how to pay the $1700 vet bill because the dog got half a tennis ball stuck in its intestine.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Charles Naw, none of the above applies to them, LOL. They’re in their 60’s, they’re retired, they relax in the garden and drink tea all day on the back patio.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Just neighborly concern or downright curiosity!

Coloma's avatar

Older folks often get fixated on things. I swear a friend of mines elderly parents were once complaining about the moths around their porch light at night. They were obsessed with their moth “problem.” lol

iphigeneia's avatar

Having listened to my grandmother talk about her neighbours, the answer is yes. I could tell you all about how my grandma’s neighbours are growing pot (though knowing the area, she’s probably right).

I like these ideas. Give them something to really talk about.

cazzie's avatar

I moved into a new house in a lovely area of Hastings in the region of Hawkes Bay, New Zealand. It was apparent that my new neighbours were elderly and one was rather infirm, but sat on the rather prominent front veranda. I saw him out there on several occasions, but after exchanging only waves, felt it only polite to wave at my new neighbour and ask, ‘Hi! How are you?’...... what I wasn’t expecting was the blunt response of ‘Half Dead, thanks! When you’re done there, come for a drink!’...... I loved those neighbours. Many a cricket match and many a rugby match was spent in their living room learning the nuances of the game and exchanging stories. I wish for everyone to have as wonderful neighbours in their life as Tui and Hory. I miss my house. I miss them and I miss New Zealand.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

It sounds like they just miss having your husband around. Does he dance around the house naked or in his underwear while the drapes are open?

Are any of these inquisitive neighbors men? They may be secretly hoping that the husband left you, and they now have a chance at wooing you.

Kardamom's avatar

If they are in their 60’s and retired, they’re just forgetful. My Dad has a horrible time remembering anything that has to do with dates or schedules.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Start digging in the back yard at midnight!

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

They give me dirty looks every morning when I am leaving your house. I didn’t want to say anything to you about it.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought Oh, I’m so sorry about that. I wish you’d told me sooner. Perhaps I should sneak you out under cover of darkness…

Dutchess_III's avatar

I heard you guys in the next room. Just sayin’...

Kardamom's avatar

This whole thread would make a very funny movie.

Who’s going to play @WillWorkForChocolate?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh. GOOD question @Kardamom! Let’s see…gosh. Sandra Bullock?

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Dutchess_III WTF? Sandra Bullock? Pfft, she’s way nicer than I am. I want someone who can kick some ass….... like Kate Bekinsale!! :)

Dutchess_III's avatar

OK, then! Tommy Lee Jones!

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Oh, I adore him, but I think he’s a little too manly to play my part. I mean, I know I’m a total tomboy, but…

Dutchess_III's avatar

Sigh. How about…. Steven Tyler.

Keep_on_running's avatar

We all get a little suspicious of murderous neighbors sometimes…

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Look, I really only murder snakes. And spiders. And wasps or other flying insects that attack me. And spiders. And waterbugs. And spiders…

Dutchess_III's avatar

And snakes.

wallabies's avatar

@cazzie New Zealanders have been easily the coolest people I’ve ever met :)

But to answer the question, yep, it would be fun to mess with them :)

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