Social Question

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

How would you feel about dating or marrying someone who is superstitious?

Asked by Pied_Pfeffer (22293 points ) July 9th, 2012

Years ago, I joined a dating website. One of the profile questions asked, “How superstitious are you?” Another question pertained to what users were looking for in a partner. There was a long list, and each item needed to be ranked by importance.

I was amazed at how many men ranked “Not superstitious” as one of their top important factors in looking for a potential partner.

Are there really that many people out there that are superstitious? What would be the reason for ranking this so high?

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56 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

Depends on the degree of superstitionism.
I would not date a fundie, for example.

DigitalBlue's avatar

I don’t think that this applies to all, not even to the majority, but I would find it extremely difficult not to at least raise my eyebrow at a partner that believes in psychic predictions or that their bad day is being influenced by a poltergeist or that throwing salt over their shoulder is somehow going to do… something… other than waste salt. I don’t know that what I consider to be “superstition” is necessarily traditionally considered that, but a lot of things of that nature tend to get lumped together in my personal opinion. I can’t even pretend to validate beliefs like that, I would go so far, personally, as to say that prayer would fall into that category for me. Put your claws away, jellies. I only mention this to emphasize how skeptical I tend to be, so I could easily see myself getting to a point where my s/o tries to convince me that this four leafed clover is really going to bring good luck and I just roll my eyes. That seems like bad news. :)

Coloma's avatar

Well better superstitious than a pervert. lol
Of course a superstitious pervert would be the frosting on the cake of lunatics you find on dating sites.
I wouldn’t be interested in someone that was superstitious beyond light, humorous reference to silly superstitions.
I know someone that truly thinks their 20 year old cat is the spirit of their dead mother reincarnated! haha

I hope she shuts mother out of the bedroom when in the throws of passionate embrace.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Superstition is just another set of irrational beliefs. (In its own way, like religion, but perhaps on a more micro scale)

Since I am attracted to rational and grounded thinkers, I simply wouldn’t put myself in the position of dating someone who accepted these sort of irrational stories.

Ouija board users, Tarot cards, horoscopes, all fall into the same category as superstitions.

harple's avatar

I’ve thankfully never found this to be a problem, touch wood ;-)

Seriously though, I prefer a man who’ll walk under the ladder with me…

athenasgriffin's avatar

Hmm. . . superstition is only an annoyance to me if it is taken extremely seriously. (The same for religion.) If it is just a thing one takes on a lark, on and off, but never with any ferver, I can accept it. However, seriousness annoys me in most of its incarnations.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@harple – if you walk under the ladder and something falls on you and you die, you will be anointed one of the Ladder Day Saints…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’d really need to know what is meant by superstition – broadly speaking, religion is just that.

DominicX's avatar

I’m surprised as to why that’s ranked so high as well, unless they are just using it as code for “not religious”.

Either way, I wouldn’t care about someone’s superstition unless it had the capacity to hamper the relationship. Otherwise, what do I care if someone likes to avoid walking under ladders or throwing hats on beds? But if you’re one of those people who only dates within their horoscope match range, then that just comes off to me as stupidity more than superstition…but I guess those are often the same :)

JLeslie's avatar

Someone very superstitious, who really takes it very seriously, would not be a great match for me. I do think it tends to be tied up with religiousity, but not necessarily. A little superstition can be cute, even sentimental. It ties together because it is a certain personality that beleves so much in God or the Fates having control over our lives.

My most superstitious friend is also religious, not that she wears it on her sleeve or anything, but the way she thinks is so very very different than me. If we were married I think I would come off as rude or dismissive to her too often without intending it. We were both in the golf cart accident and how she thinks about it is vastly different than me.

Blu's avatar

Considering how most of the superstitious people I know are pretty religious it would probably end rather quickly with me and my smart mouth saying one of my favorite little quotes, “your god guarantees my insanity but may I ask? Who guarantees your god’s sanity?” And of course I’d be unrepentent about saying it because frankly, if I said I was sorry or didn’t mean it, I’d be lying.

KP, signing off for good.

Paradox25's avatar

There is a difference between overly superstitious behavior vs people who are open to spiritual or religious beliefs. I suspect that this may be certain irrational ‘rationalists’ way to single out people with any type of spiritual or religious beliefs. There is a better term for these types of people, antitheists.

JLeslie's avatar

@Paradox25 Antitheists? What the heck is that? I am not ANTI theist, I am an atheist, and I still probably could not live with a very superstitious person. My husband is a theist and it doesn’t bother me for a second.

Paradox25's avatar

@JLeslie I’m still trying to figure where I called you an antitheist. I was just going by my own experiences with others who wouldn’t even consider dating someone who is open to any type of spiritual concepts or beliefs.

JLeslie's avatar

@Paradox25 I didn’t take it personally. I am asking what is your definition of an antitheist?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

There was no explanation in the survey as to what was meant by ‘superstition’.

I do recall that there were separate questions about religion. It seemed like a fair amount of people placed importance on religion as well, at least the ones that showed up as matches. This is even when I put that it wasn’t important on mine. I suspect that they were considered by most as separate topics, but this could very well be wrong.

augustlan's avatar

If a person were very superstitious, I don’t think I could have a romantic relationship with them. It would never even occur to me to ask someone about their superstitions beforehand, though.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@augustlan Me either. That’s why I found the question and the number of members that weighed it so heavily surprising. I asked another member about it. His response: “They probably are misreading it and think ‘superstitious’ is ‘suspicious’. No one likes a partner who is suspicious.” :)

augustlan's avatar

Was it on a site like eharmony, where they ask a gazillion questions to supposedly get your best match? If so, I guess I can understand them thinking to ask it, even though we wouldn’t have. Right up until I read this question, I’d never given this any serious thought, but now that you’ve asked it, it has become clear to me that strong superstition would be a deal-breaker.

stardust's avatar

It wouldn’t work for me as it’s too far removed from my own thoughts/beliefs

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes, it was eHarmony. I’ve just never met someone who is superstitious, or at least enough of one that it would be a deal-breaker.

JLeslie's avatar

Suspicious. That is kind of funny. He might be right.

bkcunningham's avatar

When you believe in things that you don’t understand…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ul7X5js1vE

Dutchess_III's avatar

A thought just occurred to me…do superstitious people define themselves as “superstitious?”

Mariah's avatar

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me, but it does tend to indicate a fundametally different understanding of the world from what I have. I’m fine with differences, but if it’s going to actually come into play when making life decisions that will affect us both, I could see it being a problem.

bkcunningham's avatar

I think it is bad luck to be superstitious.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Yeah… if they ask what someone’s tolerance for a “superstitious” person is, and that person says “none” what kinds of questions do they ask other people to determine if they’re superstitious so they know not to direct them that way. No one would ever answer “Yes,” to the question “Are you superstitious?” Because to them it’s belief, not superstition. Hmmmm.

JLeslie's avatar

I think superstitious people know they are. I don’t understand why you would think they wouldn’t? They know if they make sure they wear the same socks before playing a tennis match, or won’t stay on the 13th floor, or never say when things are going well out loud, or whatever else you can think of. Superstition is not always tied to religion, although it sometimes is, it is also steeped in traditions and folklore.

bkcunningham's avatar

Yeah, but it isn’t superstition if it works, @JLeslie.~

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

So back to @Dutchess_III‘s question…does anyone know someone who believes in any of these superstitions? Do they admit that they are? Or do they use the, “I’m not superstitious, but…” and go on to describe that they won’t walk under a ladder, etc?

Or, is it more like @JLeslie describes and that they are and would state as such? Surely their friends and family know. Maybe they wouldn’t admit to it because ‘superstitious’ has a negative connotation in our society. Maybe they don’t recognize it as such. I just don’t know the answer because I’ve never heard it come up in a conversation.

@bkcunningham Hmm, Mom has broken her back twice. Now I am wondering which of her children stepped on a crack. :)

augustlan's avatar

They probably do realize they’re superstitious <I almost typed ‘suspicious’!>, but I don’t know if they’d recognize that they are very superstitious, to an extent that would make other people think it’s odd. Lots of people who aren’t really superstitious still do some silly things based on it. For instance, I knock on wood and sometimes throw salt over my shoulder if I spill some.

JLeslie's avatar

I’m with @augustlan. The very superstitious may not know it is odd or extreme. Well, extreme to others. I say “kinahora” sometimes when I say something good out load, I make sure I say “God forbid” when mentioning a horrible thing in an example, I would probably store baby clothes in a friends house out of superstitious tradition if I were pregnant, and I hesitate to wish good luck, but I don’t really believe bad things happen because of what we say or do regarding things like this. So, the people who are actually superstitious may not realize that those us of who aren’t but kind of play along for fun are just playing along out of tradition, custom, or even respect for those around us, and not real belief.

bkcunningham's avatar

I know people who won’t allow you to put a hat on a bed, rock a rocking chair with your foot or in any way if someone isn’t sitting in it, come in one door and leave by another… among other superstitions and Old Wives Tales. I think they are pretty cool and interesting.

augustlan's avatar

@bkcunningham The rocking chair and the door things are new to me. I wonder what’s behind those practices? Interesting, for sure!

JLeslie's avatar

The rocking chair might be a safety issue like walking under a latter or opening an umbrella indoors. Even the door thing is probably to not hit another person. Like in restaurants there are strict rule for one door i to the kitchen the other door out from the kitchen. But, maybe there is more to it?

bkcunningham's avatar

Do you mean that may be part of the origins, @JLeslie?

Dutchess_III's avatar

@bkcunningham Would the people you know that do these things describe themselves as superstitious?

bkcunningham's avatar

Honestly, @Dutchess_III, I doubt they can spell suspicious. ~

Dutchess_III's avatar

Superstitious.

bkcunningham's avatar

EDIT…I know. I was kidding. I should have said, ‘Bless their hearts.’ That is a true story.

JLeslie's avatar

@bkcunningham Yes. There is usually some practical reasons behind superstitions from what I can tell. Probably a little fear was added in so people would heed the advice.

bkcunningham's avatar

Sorry, @JLeslie. The people I know are just ignorant old country folks. I don’t think they have any practical reasoning behind their misguided superstitions. Bless their hearts. Just a little simple minded and backward.

JLeslie's avatar

@bkcunningham I mean the original reason the superstitions were created and passed down. Most people who follow the superstitions might be just buying into them without knowing why.

Rocking a chair with your foot can easily make you ustable and you can lose balance and fall down and hurt yourself.

The ladder is obvious, people up above ar working and could drop something on your head, or God forbid you knock into the ladder you could make it unstable, and a person on it might fall.

We don’t do up the baby nursery, because in years past many pregnancies went wrong and infant mortality was high, so waiting for the baby to seem very stable saved the grieving mother from staring at an empty room made for baby with baby things all around.

Umbrellas opened indoors are more likely to poke someone else in the room.

Having a ritual that brings ou luck reinforces routine and means someone is less likely to forget an important step when preparing for something.

Superstition is a little different than old wives tale and a little different than a religious belief, but they are all related. Religion also employs fear to get people to do what is supposedly best for them. It also has routines to bring us comfort.

People who are less likely to ask why, or who may not be so bright, just follow along, others are more analytical. Some people are easily willing to believe the bbogie man or God or the Fates will get them, others want to know the logic behind something.

Of course there are some superstitions that are seem out of nowhere and maybe have no logic, I am not saying they all make sense or anything like that.

flo's avatar

It makes no sense to me whatsoever. I would not even think of dating marrying anyone who is superstitious. How can they be counted on?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@flo Would you mind explaining? Could you give us an example of how someone superstitious might be unreliable?

Dutchess_III's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I’m thinking you’d have to take much of what they say with a grain of salt, for one.

flo's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I would have to come up with an example, but to me generally it is a deal breaker, unless it is one of those jokey kind of superstitions. I will be back. I agree with @Dutchess_III

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@Dutchess_III Yeah, and toss it over my shoulder. :)

@flo That’s really what caused me to ask this question. Are there that many people out there that are seriously superstitious that it is worth building a question about it into a popular dating site questionnaire? And why, out of all of the questions listed out of many would people rank this as important as a possible deal-breaker?

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III Why? It’s not like they are liars.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Not liars…they believe what they’re saying, though, even if it isn’t true. So they could adamantly insist that B is going to happen if you do A, when you know that it isn’t going to happen. I dated a guy once, off and on, who was pretty superstitious. It was annoying as hell sometimes. He was into conspiracy theories too. He once was insisting that the Constitution had a line that said Black people were not regarded as humans.

flo's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer If the definition of superstition is any belief that is not evidence based, then let’s say a woman got pregnant by someone she only knew for an extremely short time. Let’s say she went into a coma or something a few months after the baby was born The father had a choice to make. Baby needs blood transfusion or baby dies. He says no he let’s his baby die.

flo's avatar

I knew that was a biggie:)

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III I find your response very informative. I don’t think of superstitious people as “knowing” something is going to happen, but rather they might be paranoid something might happened. Or, they are doing some sort of ritual that might be annoying us, because they want to ward off something bad happening, or secure something good to happen. I guess maybe I have never spent a lot of time with someone who is very superstitious now that I think about it. I know people who are, but I am not around them a ton of time.

plethora's avatar

I was married to a superstitious person. It does not present itself to them as superstition. It presents itself as “reality”. Except it is not reality. It is a maddening experience and I am so happy I am no longer married to her.

snapdragon24's avatar

Hmmmmm I think a person is allowed to feel superstitious about certain things… also it can be a culture thing. My grandma is Egyptian for instance…yeh Im gonna stop here.

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