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snapdragon24's avatar

Have you forgiven and forgotten?

Asked by snapdragon24 (1592 points ) November 5th, 2012 from iPhone

Hey friends, I was wondering who here has suffered from a fallout with a very close friend?

I finally got in touch with a childhood friend of mine. Im 25, met her when I was 4. We had a fallout five years ago and I was much toooo angry and stubborn to make amends.

This year however, my dreams were telling me something. I kept dreaming of her randomly…she’d be calling out to me and instead of waking up feeling angry and insensitive like I used too, I felt sad. Really sad. So today I found the courage of writing to her…and guess what! She replied in a heartbeat! She told me she had dreamt and thought of me too! How crazy is that?

We live our lives with grudges that exhaust us and solves nothing. Forgiveness is the best medecine but the hardest thing to do. Is there someone out there that you miss that you wish you could reach out too? If so, then why haven’t you yet?

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12 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

I have forgiven, but the forgotten part eludes me. My sister borrowed money from me and from our parents, then when it was time to pay it back, she refused saying she needed it worse than we did.

Now, when she asks to borrow money, I either tell her I can’t afford it, or give her some as a straight out gift. That way I don’t set myself up to be hurt.

wundayatta's avatar

Many times, but I can’t remember them now. I’m not trying to be cute, either. I know I’ve done it, but I just can’t remember.

wonderingwhy's avatar

I’m pretty forgiving. It’s too much work to hold a grudge and, really, nothing tangible comes from the effort. We have to let go. Forgiving them doesn’t always mean continuing the relationship though, sometimes even having let go of the negative feelings it’s simply disassociate myself. However, regardless, I don’t forget. That can change the relationship with the person. I try to make it a positive by using it to grow personally, so it’s doesn’t always (or even frequently) mean the relationship can’t continue, meet, or surpass what it was.

Good for you (and your friend) on moving past what was and looking forward to what is yet to come.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t hold a grudge, it’s not worth my energy, but you crap on me and I’m going to remember a long time. I just forget you.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I wish I could.

nofurbelowsbatgirl's avatar

I forgive very easily. In fact I’m a firm believer that the only way to forgive someone is to not let what they have done rule your life. I admit that once something has been done it changes that persons significance and priority in my life to being lower than it was.

Shippy's avatar

I agree forgiveness is a precious thing. However, some people are better left for dead.

plethora's avatar

Wow…do I ever agree with @Shippy. There is one case where I have forgiven, but have been unable to forget. And I do not even see the person anymore. He pulled an act of betrayal in a church situation one time. It apparently really affected me deeply. I had lunch with him once a couple of years afterward.

snowberry's avatar

Never confuse forgiveness with forgetting. And just because you have forgiven, it does not mean you have to trust them. They broke your trust. Once broken, trust must be earned back, and it’s always a longer trip back than the short time it took to break it.

If you get that straight it will make your life much easier and stress free.

Unbroken's avatar

A coworker was talking to another about some issues they had with another coworker. She said: “Are you really still upset and unable to move on from something that happened 7 years ago?”
That really put things in perspective for me about situations in my life. It takes energy to hold on to grudges. Time grants us hindsight and perspective. And people are human.
So by all means let it go. It doesn’t mean forget though and that doesn’t happen instantaneously anyway. Things and people that hurt us teach us things. For situations much less defined then don’t stick your tongue to metal in freezing weather.
Saying that rebuilding relationships is a process. She has to rebuild trust and you have to as well. You have both changed, get to know each other again. Maybe talking about the issue and hearing both sides of it will clear up confusion.
Regardless of whether you decide to talk to her about it. Your boundaries should be yours. And don’t let her slip past them. She has to respect them before you can let her closer.

ucme's avatar

Err, i’m sorry, I can’t remember.

wundayatta's avatar

@ucme Could you be a bit more precise, please. Just what, exactly, did you forget?

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