Social Question

Archangel16's avatar

Will he ask me out, or is he just leading me on?

Asked by Archangel16 (6 points ) November 13th, 2012

I’ve known this boy, not going to name any one specifically, but I’ve known this boy since Elementary school. We did loose connection between each other for years, but we met up again and started talking! I didn’t even know it was him, until he brought up my brother, whom he always hung out with when I was little.

Anyways, I’ve come to realize that I really really like him. I’ve gotten to know him, and he’s gotten to know me. He knows I like him, and he’s told me I’m the only girl he likes like that. All the times that we’ve hung out together, he’s always kissed me. Always, and it was the sweetest thing.

Not only would he kiss me, he’d put his arm around my waist, hold my hand, kiss my cheek, stuff like that. You know, the kind of things a boy can do to make a girl get those fuzzy feelings inside, that makes her day a hundred percent better. He’s always complimenting me, and of course I do the same back to him. I love spending time with him and the more I think about the days and nights we spend together, the more and more I like him. And I’ve come to think about some things. He told me before, that I do have a chance with him, and of course that made me ever so happy! I know he likes me, but I wonder, will he ask me out? Or is he just leading me on? Now I know he’s not a player, and he’s not shy, or anything like that so of course that’s not the reason, and it’s not anything like he’s not ready for a relationship. No, not that! I can’t just ask him about this either. I don’t want to risk making him upset, or having him feel like I’m pushing him along or forcing him! I’m not like that anyways! But I’d love someone’s help on this! He knows I like him alot! But is he going to ask me out, or is he leading me on..?
Thank you in advance. :)

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23 Answers

jca's avatar

How old are you, and how old is “this boy?”

SpatzieLover's avatar

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

The sooner you live by the last two lines of the poem, the better, IMHO.

Archangel16's avatar

I’m 14. He’s 14.

Seek's avatar

Why don’t you ask him out?

marinelife's avatar

You do need to talk to him about going out. “Are you planning on asking me out?” Communication is the basis for any relationship.

You need to learn this now at 14.

Waiting and wondering are just wasting time.

Alternative 2: You could ask him out. Just ask him to go out and get whatever you guys drink: a soda, a shake, coffee.

Archangel16's avatar

Well , thank you all for the help :) I appreciate it all :) and im not the kind of person to go up to a guy and just say, ” do you want to go out?” I don’t know why, I’m just not. And I;d ant to ask him the ” Are you planning on asking me out” question, but are you sure that’s not too pushy?

Shippy's avatar

Sometimes you just have to take it as it comes, it develops or it doesn’t. But make sure he can see you are keen.

zenvelo's avatar

Talk to him because he may not be allowed to “go out” however you define that.

My daughter is 14, and if she asked me about going to meet someone at Starbucks or Noah’s Bagels it would be okay. But I don’t know any of the kids she hangs with (boy or girl) allowed to go out at night unless meeting and being picked up by a parent at very set times.

Just talk to him about how and when you can spend time with him. That way you’re not asking him out but making your wishes known.

jca's avatar

@Archangel16: Asking him out would not necessarily mean going up to him and asking him do you want to go out. It really consists of chatting and if you determine you are up to it, you say something like “do you want to go see the new blah blah blah movie this weekend?” or “do you want to come with me to Starbucks tomorrow night?”

Archangel16's avatar

Yes he is allowed to go out, and date girls. And we do hng out alot. Movies, mall, etc..

marinelife's avatar

@Archangel16 What do you mean by gong out then if you already go to the movies and the mall, etc. Aren’t you dating?

If you are kissing him and hanging out with him, then you have a relationship with him already. You should be able to ask him anything.

It is not too forward to ask him if he is going to ask you out.

wundayatta's avatar

Try to enjoy the not knowing. It’s part of the game of seduction. You refuse to use words, so you must rely on your actions. You could hint, I suppose, about things you might like to do. But you dare not ask out right because you fear rejection. You don’t want to push him to reject you.

So wait. Play it cool.

He’s a boy. He’s only 14. Maybe he’s never asked anyone out. I guarantee you that he is afraid of rejection, too. Worse, he can’t read the signals very well. Boys are much slower than girls to catch onto social cues. So if you plan to give him any subtle cues, you can be sure he will miss them.

Which means that you have to be less than subtle if you want him to catch your meaning. But since you don’t want to risk rejection, you dare not be less than subtle. You have to hope he’ll take the risk. And depending on what kind of boy he is, he might. Then again, if rejection really bothers him, he won’t.

And there you are. Mexican standoff. Who’s going to be the first to risk rejection? Well, never mind. You’re off the hook. You’re a girl. Being assertive is the man’s job, right?

Or you could go for what you want in life.

Archangel16's avatar

@marinelife – Exactly! that;s what I’m wondering?

and thats kind of where i was going. the mans job? Yeah! i dont think its rejection, he already knows I’d say yes!

newtscamander's avatar

Are you sure he knows you’ll say yes? You say he’s not shy, but many people just hide their shyness. How long have you been going to the mall and movies? If you’ve hung out with each other a few times, it could be possible that he is waiting to see if you are truly interested. And like @wundayatta says, social cues are often not noticed or even misunderstood. I’d interpret the time he is taking to ask you out officially as a rather mature way of getting to know you properly so that you can feel secure around each other. But if you feel that you know each other well enough to take the step into an official relationship show him that! I don’t think you will regret taking matters into your own hands.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

Subtlety is lost on the majority of boys (and men, for that matter.) You need to stop pussyfooting around, waiting around, and looking for signs that may or may not be there, and ask him directly – “Are you ever going to ask me out, or what?” You can say it jokingly, but not really. All of us women know how to do that.

You say he is not shy, takes other girls out, is allowed to date, knows you would accept, and is interested, but yet hasn’t asked you. Something is wrong with this picture. If I were you, I would want to know what.

janbb's avatar

I’m also wondering what you mean by going out. It sounds like you guys are already in a relationship. What exactly are you looking for him to do?

deni's avatar

What do you mean by “ask you out”? Ask you to go out to eat with him? Or do you mean, you want him to ask you to be his girlfriend? That isn’t always necessary, usually it’s more common in younger peoples relationships I think, the official asking of the question. Sometimes it just gets to the point where you both assume you’re exclusive. It’s best just to put this out in the open. Ask him what he thinks you guys are! An item, just friends, what? If you can’t have an honest conversation with him that is an issue as well, so just get it over with. Honesty is always the best policy.

Sunny2's avatar

14 seems young to be “going out.” Be great friends and share activities appropriate to your age. There’s no need for declarations yet. Just relax and let it be. And, enjoy!

Unbroken's avatar

What more do you want from him? Confirmation that he’s not seeing anyone else, that you are special? He is already telling you those things probably. This wooing this cosseting, the preamble, where everything is sweet and just a hint uncertain, that you want to move beyond. for what? Is something you will long for, work to savor, in most future relationships. Sure it’s achieveable but its alot harder. My advice find a way to enjoy it, to milk it.

augustlan's avatar

I think “going out” means something like “going steady” these days.

Ask him if he considers you his girlfriend. He may already think of you that way, and not have seen the need to ask you specifically.

Seek's avatar

Agreed, Auggie. Life was much easier when there were class rings and Varsity jackets involved. At least the meaning was obvious.

To the OP – No, being assertive is not “the man’s job”. This isn’t the Dark Ages. If you want him, tell him you want him. If you want to live in confusion and probably ultimate regret when the blonde across the room asks him out and he says “yes”, then don’t.

Either way, your choice.

Personal story: I had the angsty “why won’t he ask me out” thing going on with a boy from church for, oh, seven years or so. Finally got tired of waiting and moved on. Turned out he was gay.

Now, if I’d just have asked him out seven years before, I might have avoided wasting all that time and saved a friendship besides.

/soapbox.

wundayatta's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr Would he have told you he was gay seven years earlier? I mean, did he know? Was he out of the closet? If he was still in the closet, if wouldn’t have helped. Might have been worse. He might have dated you and done nothing to push it along. That could have resulted in more confusion.

Let’s just say life is confusing.

Seek's avatar

It is, but even then, he could have said “no”. Or he could have said “yes”, and there would have been something, anything other than unproductive teenage angst.

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