Social Question

Highbrow's avatar

Are you well mannered?

Asked by Highbrow (366 points ) December 10th, 2012

1)Do you display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people or in society?
2)Do you usually take a bottle of wine or a small token for the hosts of a party that you are attending?
3)If you are the first one to finish your meal and leave the dining table while others are still eating, what will you say?

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28 Answers

SuperMouse's avatar

I do display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people and in society. I know which fork to use for what, always place my napkin on my lap, chew with my mouth closed, keep my elbows off the table, and of course don’t talk with my mouth full.

I always take a hostess gift when I am invited to a party.

If I finish first, I sit at the table until the others are done.

blueiiznh's avatar

Yes
Yes
I never finish first as that would be bad mannered :)

tedibear's avatar

1. Generally yes. I am more relaxed around friends and family.
2. Yes, unless I am asked to bring something as part of the food or drink. And I always ask if there is something I can bring. If the answer is “nothing” then I will bring along some kind of gift.
3. If I were to finish first, I would sit and enjoy the company of others. Not to mention that I don’t want to miss dessert!

Response moderated (Personal Attack)
gailcalled's avatar

Most of the time. I do get crank when I see you piggy-bank many questions while pretending that they are only one.

cookieman's avatar

Are you well mannered?
Yes, I try to be.

1)Do you display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people or in society?
Again yes – but I recognize that this means different things to different people and cultures.

2)Do you usually take a bottle of wine or a small token for the hosts of a party that you are attending?
Absolutely. Never show up empty handed.

3)If you are the first one to finish your meal and leave the dining table while others are still eating, what will you say?
If you ever saw me, you’d know I’m never the first to leave the dinner table.

bookish1's avatar

I try to be well mannered. I think about politeness alot. I would not show up empty handed to a party, but bringing a bottle of wine is an offense to the good taste and judgment of your hosts… if they happen to be French! I don’t leave the dining table while others are eating. Who does that?

@marinelife : Was that a joke? If you think this question is too intrusive, you don’t have to answer it. Moreover, there are plenty of questions that are far more prying to be found on Fluther.

burntbonez's avatar

I was raised to have good manners and I try to the best of my ability to be polite and do what is expected, socially. That training has been ingrained and that is how I behave.

DominicX's avatar

1. I do. However, I hate to take the “relativist” approach, but I agree with @cookieman in that it means different things to different people! However, I notice that most of my friends, no matter how rude and ridiculous they can be around friends, “manner up” when the situation calls for it.
2. I try to do that, but I’ll admit that I don’t always.
3. That would really never happen—I’m known for being a slow eater. But most people seem patient enough to wait for me :)

JLeslie's avatar

1)Do you display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people or in society? For the most part yes, but I would guess sometimes I am perceived as breaking etiquette rules, especially with people from different cultures who have different etiquette rules.

2)Do you usually take a bottle of wine or a small token for the hosts of a party that you are attending? About half the time. I don’t if they are a relative (although I might have specifically asked ahead what they would like me to bring to help out). Usually the bigger the party the less I worry about bringing something, unless the occasion calls for a proper gift, then I would arrive with gift in hand, exceot for weddings, those I always send the gift ahead to their home address or give a card with money/check.

3)If you are the first one to finish your meal and leave the dining table while others are still eating, what will you say? I rarely leave the table while others are still eating. It would have to be for a specific reason, and so then I would excuse myself and apologize for having to leave the table. If others were done with their plates I would ask if I could take their plate for them as I leave the table.

Coloma's avatar

Yes.
I am one of those types that can fit into any situation, from extremely formal to extremely informal.
I can come across as a sophisticate or a hippie, esoteric country girl. Many facets to my diamond. However…I am known for my irreverent and rather perverse humor and admittedly delight in seeing others reactions to my quick witted and off the cuff comments.

My ex husband once took me to a very classy convention for his biz.in Palm Springs and told me that he “couldn’t wait to watch me messing with people.” lol
Being a comedienne at heart it comes easy to me and has nothing to do with attention seeking behavior and everything to do with loving to stir the pot and see peoples reactions.
Nothing gives me more pleasure than observing peoples reactions and if they can play back, so much the better. Serious joy for me to find playful and comedic consorts.

KNOWITALL's avatar

1) Yes of course.
2) Yes, even over objections, always take something.
3) I would never do that.

JLeslie's avatar

@KNOWITALL If someone objects why do you still bring something? Why is that considered good manners? Are you bringing food, a gift, wine, what?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Let’s see, because if someone invites me for a meal, I know they are shopping, prepping, cleaning, cooking, serving, then cleaning up afterwards….it’s work. Most of my friends are either single and working/ school, or are part of a couple and usually work and have children. So either way, they always appreciate a bottle of wine, me bringing dessert, or something like that. I’ve taken nice breads, nice cakes, things that can supplement what’s there already or be used later by the family/ friend.

I was raised that you never go to a friends empty-handed, ever, by my grandparents. None of my friends ever chewed me out or refused a gift either.

JLeslie's avatar

@KNOWITALL Who is going to say “no thank you,” or “I really don’t want that,” to your face when you show up with something? At that point they are rude if they do.

If you bring a cake or dish and they don’t add it to the food they are offering at the party would you be insulted?

Symbeline's avatar

1)Do you display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people or in society?

I can, and usually do. But if I’m with people who I know don’t mind, I kinda drop that stuff and revert back to my natural barbarian standards.

2)Do you usually take a bottle of wine or a small token for the hosts of a party that you are attending?

Yeah, or something else, like a cake or some kind of dessert. Can’t cook worth shit, so I usually bring wine and some dessert. Usually works out pretty good.
I don’t get how like, at some big party, people always grab all the wine bottles and start checking em out…then confirm that it’s some good wine based on what’s on the label. It’s like everyone at a party automatically becomes some big expert wine connoisseur. Maybe that’s good manners too?

3)If you are the first one to finish your meal and leave the dining table while others are still eating, what will you say?

That doesn’t happen, not a big gatherings or parties. If I happen to finish everything before others, I’ll just sit around and talk or whatever, until the main host decides, usually subtly, that it’s time for the next meal or that everything is over. I’m usually not done my food before everyone else though. In fact what makes me feel a little bad is not being able to finish the food sometimes. :/

ucme's avatar

I just tried posting my answer only to find the server down, I remained calm & composed despite this minor irritation, coz i’m well mannered me like.

Bellatrix's avatar

1)Do you display proper etiquette and good upbringing with people or in society?

Yes. As @JLeslie suggested it is quite possible I have erred when it comes to people from quite different cultures. Not by choice but because of a lack of awareness.

2)Do you usually take a bottle of wine or a small token for the hosts of a party that you are attending?

I would usually take something. It might be flowers or chocolates or wine. I would not take food unless requested because the person may have spent much time planning a menu, including dessert, and unless they have asked me to supply a course I could mess up their planning.

3)If you are the first one to finish your meal and leave the dining table while others are still eating, what will you say?

I would rarely leave the table while people are eating and if I did have to, I would excuse myself politely.

DominicX's avatar

@JLeslie I find that interesting as well because it’s often considered “good manners” to ignore people’s requests, such as people who refuse to call someone by their first name, even if that’s what they prefer and have requested.

Bellatrix's avatar

@DominicX I find it incredibly irritating when people do that sort of thing. I find it arrogant when people assume they know better than I do, what I want. If I say ‘no thanks’ or ‘please call me this’ or whatever, I mean what I say. I do agree some people do seem to think it’s okay to disregard another person’s request.

JLeslie's avatar

@DominicX Yes, I put that in the same boat. I think we have discussed that on futher. For instance in the south they think a child is rude to call an adult by their first name, they are supposed to us Miss Firstname, even if the adult requested the child use just Firstname. I think it is respectful to start at the most formal, Ms. Lastname, and then let the adult give a different option, whatever it is, and abide by it. Kind of ironic they call everyone Ma’am, but then use Miss Firstname. Also if they call someone Miss Firstname and the adult says please call me Ms. lastname, that adult is perceived as uppidity or overly formal.

However, I think in some cultures the whole sond and dance of offering and refusing, going back and forth is part of politeness. Like offering more and more food, even though the person has said they are full, no thank you. Or, saying to someone don’t go to any trouble, but then are happy they brought a cake. I deal in directness better.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@JLeslie I don’t think anyone would feel that uncomfortable as anyone I eat with I’m very close to….they give me crap sometimes because they’ll have a bbq and I’m bringing a bottle of wine, but it’s all good. :)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

When I need to be, I can code-switch to that white upper class ‘etiquette’ bs – I was taught it when I was little; it’s not my default.

bookish1's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : Is being polite exclusively a white upper class thing? O_o

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@bookish1 Oh no, there are many incarnations. The one I mentioned is the one I can play.

bookish1's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : So a certain code of politeness that is white and upper middle class. I think I understand. Thanks.

bob_'s avatar

Fuck yeah.

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