Social Question

Gifted_With_Languages's avatar

Is it true that women don't like nice guys?

Asked by Gifted_With_Languages (952 points ) January 29th, 2013

Or would a better statement be no-one likes people that are too nice?

In a personal manner, I would have to disagree with the latter statement. The former statement is true, but only if that woman has low self-esteem—they believe they don’t deserve a man who is genuinely nice, and would rather settle for a “bad boy” who, in their mind, is what they deserve. I think woman are more attracted sometimes to things they know are bad for them because they either think its what they deserve, or they’re getting back at someone else in their life who caged them.

What would be your impressions on some of those things?

Again, a thousand times thank you: every penny helps make a difference.

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28 Answers

KNOWITALL's avatar

I married a nice guy, because he was nice and I liked that about him, and wanted to be around it more.

On the other hand, I’m very attracted to jerks. I like the arrogant, educated, slightly snobby fellow’s, too, I think it’s challenging and a little irresistable.

chyna's avatar

That’s a pretty broad generalization of women. No it’s not any more true of women than of men.

Incoherency_'s avatar

Women want a macho man, like one of the Village People!

TheProfoundPorcupine's avatar

@Incoherency_ The problem with that is you only find them In The Navy or spending time at the YMCA so I guess that makes life difficult.

Sunny2's avatar

NO! You may not have met the right women. Go to church; not to bars. Or better still, join groups that participate in activities that you like too.

Unbroken's avatar

No…. Please don’t circulate this nonsense. There are already enough men around thinking they should go out of their way to dog on women to get one… Not to mention the ones naturally inclined.

Yes these woman do exist but the rest of us don’t have any say in the matter..

Too nice… yes it is possible. I like someone who is nice but has enough confidence and will to stand up for himself. Doormats not so attractive.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Well, nobody wants to hang out with Eddie Haskell, but who doesn’t appreciate someone who’s genuinely nice? (Emphasis on the “genuine” part)

The odious myth that women only want men who are jerks and treat them badly? It’s nothing but a myth. People believe this because, if a woman doesn’t care for and isn’t attracted to a man, all the “nice” in the world won’t win her love.

A man wants a woman, but she’s indifferent to or dislikes him, so he pours on the flowers, jewelry, and nights on the town. If life worked according to formula, she’d be swept off her feet and swooning into his arms. But, life isn’t that way, so the man walks away saying, “She doesn’t want nice guy. All she wants is someone who treats her as if she were dirt.” The reality is, what she didn’t want was him…period.

answerjill's avatar

Nice is great. Pushover is bad,

janbb's avatar

Nope – the guy friend I love the most in the world is the kindest person you can imagine.

mrentropy's avatar

It’s been my personal experience that women like nice guys just fine. They don’t want to have a relationship with them, though. It’s always good to have a nice guy as a friend because they’ll sit there and listen to the complaining about the jerk off they’re currently seeing.

YARNLADY's avatar

No, the majority of women are married to nice guys.

glacial's avatar

No.

Although there is some truth to that quote from Anne of Green Gables: “I wouldn’t want to marry anybody who was wicked, but I think I’d like it if he could be wicked and wouldn’t.”

burntbonez's avatar

I’m a nice guy. I don’t have a woman. Must be that women don’t like nice guys. Couldn’t possibly be that there are other reasons why women don’t want a relationship with me.~

Facepalm!

Yes, the epitome of the egocentric nice guy view of the world.

I am a nice guy. But I know I have problems. I have accepted this. I am grateful that a few women did spend a few years with me. I may no longer be in the queue for relationships, but I’m not going to blame women for that.

And in a few more years, I may come to real acceptance of this.

bossob's avatar

Bad boys are for playing; nice guys are for marrying.

Mariah's avatar

Hell no! Ahhh I fucking hate this stereotype! If a guy (or anyone) is a jerk to me I will not be having any of that.

Nice is a prerequisite. But some guys seem to think that being nice to girls somehow makes the girls obligated to date them. That’s where the problem arises. And that’s why some “nice guys” are actually fucking creeps.

If you listen to a girl while she talks about her feelings, that is nice. If you do that solely to gain brownie points with her to get in her pants? YOU ARE NOT A NICE GUY.

syz's avatar

Of course not.

jordym84's avatar

My question to you is how do you define “nice guys?” If you’re talking about someone who’s genuinely nice to not only the girl in whom he’s interested but also to everyone else around him, then I can’t see why he would have any problems finding a partner. But if you’re talking about the guys who put their best foot forward and shower their intended “targets” with nice things (material and otherwise) just so they can get the girl to then, eventually, show their true jerky sides then I I would give your premise some merit – no girl (or guy for that matter) likes someone who essentially lied just to win them over.

However, as someone else has already pointed out, sometimes there is more to why a girl wouldn’t date a nice guy than simply because “girls don’t like nice guys.” Not everyone is meant to be in a relationship together regardless of whether they are both genuinely nice or not; it really just depends on whether they’re compatible or not.

Garebo's avatar

depends, if you are yourself with a mission women will likely find you attractive. If you pretend to be nice or bad ass-forget it you will attract the same.

wundayatta's avatar

It is true that women don’t like nice guys. I used to be nice, but I had a nicectomy and became a bad-ass. Now women are constantly fighting each other to get at me.

For some reason, according to my police escort, they all want to tear my dick off. I can’t imagine why. Jokes on them, though. Look at my avatar. Do you see a dick? Ok. Ok. Don’t all shout at once! ;-)

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’ll never understand women that are attracted to arrogant jerks. This is not all women, but there are plenty that seem to gravitate toward that type of man. Where’s the allure? Oh, he treated everyone around him like a piece of trash – what a dreamboat!

Low self esteem is my best guess.

NostalgicChills's avatar

Heck no. I wish I knew some nice guys.

KNOWITALL's avatar

@livelaughlove21 It’s a challenge, trust me, I have very healthy self-esteem- lol

Unbroken's avatar

@KNOWITALL I can remember going into conquest mode in response to an asshole mode.

I kinda wondered what the point was after the fact, but I remember it was fun pushing control. As in he was in asshole but not a rapist, he had to wait for my permission to move farther. And I played him hard enough for him to know I knew I was in control but not hard enough that he gave up.

I think at the time, I needed what that gave to me. Though I am not proud of it.

Earthgirl's avatar

Nice? What is nice really?? There is acting nice, talking nice, and then being really truly nice. Which to me, means a certain integrity. A sort of “what you see is what you get”. No one is perfect, and being real, no one is perfectly nice all the time. It’s the effort towards fairness, kindness, and truthfullness that makes up integrity that constitutes real niceness.Any reasonably well adjusted person wants that. But capturing a badass and converting them to niceness and loyalty and devotion is awfully attractive sometimes. I myself am a sucker for the rakish smile and sidelong glance that all bad boys have down to perfection.

lici92's avatar

I will only date nice guys. All of my boyfriends have been great guys that respected me. My previous relationships have ended on good terms of us understanding that there just wasn’t anything between us anymore. Even if I was bummed, I had to understand that if he didn’t feel the same way I might as well move on. I still slightly keep in touch with a couple. As for my current boyfriend, he is amazing. He is the greatest guy I know, and being friends for over five years I already knew that he is the nicest guy ever, and would do anything for me as I would for him.

Although I wished I could say the same for one of my friends, I can’t. I have seen her with bruises on her arms and it’s always a new lie. I don’t get it. She is absolutely beautiful, but always picks these guys that take advantage of her. She lets them be in control, and I have talked to her about it on many occasions. The thing is is that it is always the same two guys that she goes back to. They have literally beat it into her head that she can’t and won’t ever have anyone better. She believes them which is tragic.For example, one night when we were camping (We live twenty minutes from camping grounds) her boyfriend called at about three in the morning and told her that he was picking her up. She wasn’t even really with him during this time, but had no choice. My mom was the one that was at the camp fire with her as she waited for him. My mom told her not to go and that she would tell him he had to leave and threaten him if she had to. After all that she left with him without a word and her head down. Almost nothing we could do, but it seemed as though it was only my mom and I that cared. Her own parents were there and just let it happen.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that it all depends on the situation. I had a mom that raised me to be independent and to stand up for myself. It has paid off. As for my friend, she has a family that never even encourages her to do better. She has me and my mom who have known her since she was born, but sometimes that isn’t always enough after so much damage to the self esteem has corrupted her choice of men.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Women don’t like nice guys? It’s a logical fallacy that’s older than dirt.

A. I’m a nice guy.
B. She doesn’t like me.
C. Therefore, she doesn’t like nice guys.

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