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hug_of_war's avatar

Are there any people who don't fit into neat boxes? Any?

Asked by hug_of_war (10417 points ) August 19th, 2014 from iPhone

Yes this is dumb. But it is concerning me.

I am lonely. Always have been, probably always will be. I was talking to an old friend who I haven’t talked to in a while and he was telling me about all these stereotypical nerd things he likes.

And well most people would say I’m nerdy. I like lord of the rings and dostoevsky and have specialized knowledge, etc. but I don’t have any interest in programming or japan or nerd shows.

So I’m just wondering if other people like me exist, because it seems they don’t. People who are nerdy about a somethings but also not interested at all in other things.

I know this is stupid but I just feel like as everyone I know has found a partner that there are literally no people who I will ever have shared interests with. The internet is supposedly full of nerds but I can’t find even one whose interests aren’t so typical.

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15 Answers

El_Cadejo's avatar

Only boring people are categorized so easily. Take pride in who you are and your individuality.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

I think you are talking about a lot of people. I have spent a great deal of my life lonely. It took me a while to realize that it was the result of never being able to find that social sweet spot where I felt comfortable. I was either by myself or hanging around a large group of old friends who basically went out to bars every night. Not only was that socially too much for me but it was also depressing. As a result I spent many years focused on work, education and endless tinkering with electronics and music by myself. People put up a facade or shell of a display on the web. They’re not so typical. I think it’s human nature to try to conform and keep up appearances of fitting in. Most of us really don’t. Our eccentricities make us human and not eusocial. There are plenty of folks like this here for some reason. Fluther is this tiny little bubble of webrats who don’t seem to put up much of a facade. An oddity for sure.

zenvelo's avatar

None of the best people fit neatly into a box. We’re all weird in our own special way.

I am alternatively social and lonely, in fact I have often felt lonely in a crowd of friends. It’s only been in the last ten years or so that I have become comfortable being myself around others.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Boxes are square. Why would I want to be stuffed in one?

JLeslie's avatar

I think you sound very normal. I like sci-fi but not fantasy. Star Trek, love it. Lord of the Rings I couldn’t get through. I’m nerdy in some ways. I consider myself very analytical, but not necessarily about everything. I like math and science and travel and people. I consider myself extroverted and wind up around people who are not very math and science oriented, but connect with them in other ways.

My husband liked math and science in school. He constantly uses numbers and analyzes data at work. He has his nerdy side, and then his hobby is racing cars and loves to ride motorcycles. He also likes watching nature shows, Big Bang Theory, and Big Brother. Oh, and any car show on TV.

I don’t think most people fit into boxes.

Being lonely sucks. You need to meet more people. Socialize. What are some interests and hobbies of yours? Maybe there is a club or group? In the car club we belong to everyone likes cars, but then the variety of people is huge. We have pilots, engineers, lawyers, business owners (all varieties of businesses from lawn service to the medical industry) a realtor, a chef, people are all over the map.

2davidc8's avatar

Volunteer and help and serve others. This will help you open up to others and you will be less lonely.

Vincentt's avatar

No, everybody shares many traits with many others. However, people are complex, and even when you share a lot of things with someone else, there’s always also going to be a lot of differences. Stereotypes are useful in that they allow you to guess 80% of a person’s most striking characteristics when you know only a few of them, but you’re always going to be surprised by the 20% that deviate from the stereotype, let alone by the less striking characteristics.

As an example, I share a lot of things with my girlfriend that make it work great. We’re both cooking nerds (although she’s more extreme than I am), are sporty types (although I run less often than she does, and play football), have a similar kind of humour (though some jokes just don’t work), largely like the same music (though one appreciates some artists more than the other, and vice versa), both are vegetarian (although for slightly different reasons), the list goes on. Point being: there’s a lot about which we bond, even though we’re not exactly alike.

And then there’s the points where we’re completely different. I’m a huge computer nerd who likes things like programming and experimenting with software, whereas she does not. Likewise, she knows a lot about types of birds and whatnot that I know nothing about and frankly am not that interested in. But that’s all fine. Yes, it took long before I even found a girlfriend. And we might break up again. But whatever. There would be other people, or we could just stay happy together. We both have very specific interests that don’t overlap 100%, but there is a lot of joy in the parts that do, and you can enjoy the rest together with other people. If you try, and take an interest in other people, even with interests outside your comfort zone, you’ll find you can bond with many more of them than you think in advance.

2davidc8's avatar

When you volunteer, sometimes you develop friendships with the people you help, but more often you develop friendships with your fellow volunteers.

lillycoyote's avatar

@hug_of_war You may not fit into this neat little box either but you might want to check out this site and find others like you (and me, etc.) and celebrate your quirky aloneness.

marinelife's avatar

Why do your interests have to exactly match with a potential partner? Vive la difference. Look for someone whose interests complement yours.

To answer the original question, no people fit in neat little boxes.

snowberry's avatar

I’ve never ever fit into boxes other people try to cram me into. I’ve never fit into the atheist box, and yet here I am hangin’ with a bunch of people who are mainly atheistic in outlook. I’ve made friends here, and most of ‘em I like a lot!

But my friends here are all Internet friends. I’ve only met one in real life.

In real life I’m often also lonely, but that’s mostly due to my getting involved in projects that isolate me. This morning I took the dog to a dog park and had an absolutely wonderful time. Dog and I are now filthy, but I think I’ve made the beginning of some real friendships there. Peaches (our dog) and I plan to take my daughter back there tomorrow for more mud, laughter and friendship!

rexacoracofalipitorius's avatar

No one fits into such a “neat box” as you describe. These categories are like genres of music: infinitely subdividable and only ever approximately accurate. Human beings are much more complex than are pieces of music, so the knee-jerk categorization to which we’re all prone is even less appropriate. People pretend to fit these stereotypes in order to fit in. It’s easier to try to fit in than to find a group of people who are accepting of differences. It gets a little easier as you get older, meet more people, and have time to filter out the fools.

Besides, some folks prefer a sloppy box. I don’t judge.

flutherother's avatar

Show me someone who fits into a neat box and I’ll show you someone who is dead.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Just because one is into “nerdy” interests doesn’t mean they have to fit the stereotypical mold in other aspects of one’s life.

I like nerdy stuff: I actually know how my iPhone works. I have tweaked and modified my car, I even have a laptop connected to it’s engine’s ECU.

That doesn’t mean I’m socially awkward or poorly dressed.

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