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ZEPHYRA's avatar

What besides being insulted in childhood due to a weight problem could make that adult so painfully insulting to others?

Asked by ZEPHYRA (15763 points ) 2 months ago

Does a person become awfully insulting towards others simply because he was teased in youth? I myself was teased and taunted due to early development but that did not turn me into an insulting person. I am just wondering what else could cause an educated and logical adult to hurl painful insults at other people who are not part of his problem. Pent up anger? Could that be the cause?

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18 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

How about insecurity and a big ego?

Being teased at childhood doesn’t really ensure an insulting character, though it’s one reason.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Don’t look for simplistic answers. Everyone is a result of many different stimuli in their lives. A rude person could have any number of factors that shaped him/her that way.

snowberry's avatar

Angry people lash out at whomever is convenient. Some of them target specific types, but mostly they target people who can’t fight back. That could be the origin, or maybe not. It’s true- hurting people hurt other people.

jca's avatar

Someone could have had something painful happen to them as an adult, for example, the death of a child. This could make someone angry, bitter and nasty.

zenvelo's avatar

As @elbanditoroso pointed out , it’s complicated, but teasing from other kids is not a huge factor compared to a lack of respect for the person in his family of origin. As a generality, people who grow up in families that are angry and insulting become angry insulting people.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I think it’s probably more a reflection of their own parents. I know I can be caustic sometimes (on going work in progress) and it’s because my Mom was.

I was teased for early development, too. It made me angry and upset at the moment, but it didn’t really stick with me for long.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Actually some people are just dicks. They don’t need a reason.

Coloma's avatar

It’s a waste of time trying to figure out someones effed up dynamics, and even if you do it is not going to make a difference other than to give you some measure of understanding but so what, doesn’t change anything.
Many people are just walking grievances looking for a cause and they will find one everywhere with everyone.

JLeslie's avatar

Abused physically or sexually as a child. Teased for bad acne. Teased for no real logical reason, but some kids just get picked on.

Parents who hurl insults model the behavior for their own children. All sorts of reasons.

Basically always feeling on the defense, if you feel ignored or never heard. You might have a shorter temper trying to get your point across. Or, a short temper, because you’re afraid of being taken advantage of.

I think most kids who are teased wind up getting depressed more often than angry, and then their own life is in danger.

Some people are just asses.

snowberry's avatar

Being abused in childhood doesn’t mandate that you’re going to turn into an abuser yourself. I know lots of sweet kind people who were abused as children. At some point they take on the behavior themselves and own it- they choose to abuse, or choose to be kind, loving, etc.

snowberry's avatar

Also, if you grow up saying to yourself, “I’ll never be like granddad,” you’ll probably turn out just like him, because you’re still focused on the horrible things he did to you. If instead if a person says, “Granddad might have abused me, but I’m choosing to be kind and loving instead,” you, they generally turn out decent. That’s how the people I’ve known who’ve been abused turned out not to be abusers themselves.

JLeslie's avatar

@snowberry I don’t think anyone was saying anything mandates anything. I brought up abuse as a reason to possibly be angry or very reactive, which makes perfect sense that a person might be hypersensitive, it doesn’t mean they are bad people or abusers themselves.

I see it all the time on fluther, some woman extremely upset about being touched (when the majority of people would not care about that particular touch) or a child being dressed up like an adult, and 9 times out of 10 on the Q or in a PM my guess that they have been abused or raped, or whatever applies winds up being a good guess. Not that everyone reacts the same, of course they don’t. I have had a few fucked up things happened to me by a relative and a family friend and I just brush it off and think they are fuckheads. I have other friends who are severly affected by similar events. I was never raped, but touched inappropriately. It was a one time thing each time, and I didn’t have to deal with it again. It was very brief, just weird, so I don’t compare it to what many other people have been through that is much worse.

I guess we could count getting felt up against a locker in high school, but boys did that probably to a lot of girls. Again, it was fast and something I just shrugged off. It didn’t happen every day or anything, but “jock junction” in my high school was a place to watch your back.

I often felt I had to be crying on the floor practically in dry heaves for my dad to take me seriously. It was a weird contrast to how much freedom my parents gave me, and they trusted me quite a bit. It just depended on the thing. In retrospect I think if my father felt I was pulling away his own neediness and pain kicked in from the neglect he experienced in childhood and came out in him being angry and self absorbed in his own pain. Fast forward to my health problems, and doctors start making me feel like no one is listening. No one is believing me. No one is willing to use their own brain, and it triggers many of those old feelings for me and I am sure my anger comes through even on my posts here on fluther rgearding doctors ignoring me and when they are incompetent.

It’s understandable. It’s not productive usually, but understandable.

cheebdragon's avatar

Some people are more sensitive than others.

trailsillustrated's avatar

It’s because said person hasn’t yet had a truly good beat down. It’s coming.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Gosh. We maybe need to determine the “abuse” line.

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III The line is big fat and shades of grey. I don’t think a large group of people ever come to a consensus, but I guess someone could define it and have us abide by it for the Q.

Why? Do you think abuse is usually too broadly defined or too narrow?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t even remember why I made that comment…..

trailsillustrated's avatar

^ love you val

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