Have you ever felt horrible to wait?

I once took a very long bike trip with a friend (this was before cell phones). We were in rural Spain, in hilly terrain, and I got up ahead of him by a fair amount. We didn’t yet have any food for lunch and it was coming up on the time when every little shop in Spain would be closing for the afternoon siesta.

I came to a little village with a small grocery store and realized that if I didn’t buy food within the next 10 minutes, there would be no lunch. Still no sign of my friend though, and I was afraid that if I went into the store he might cruise right on past and we would be separated. So I parked my bike right out beside the road where he couldn’t miss it and went in the shop.

When I came out, I was horrified to see that a big truck had parked right between my bike and the road, so that it couldn’t be seen from the road. I panicked, realizing that I now had no idea whether my friend was still behind me or ahead of me. Should I wait for him to show up? But if he was ahead of me, then I should ride as fast as I could to catch up, and waiting would only make things worse!

I couldn’t imagine that I had been so far ahead that he wouldn’t be here by now, so I convinced myself that he must be ahead, and probably riding very fast to catch up with me. So I started riding hard. I would only catch him if I rode harder than he did. The wind was at my back ,and the anxiety gave me extra energy, so I was really eating up the road.

Hours passed, and still no sign of him. I was now in serious doubt about whether he was in front or behind, and had no idea how we would ever reconnect. It was late in the evening and would soon be dark. We had no agreed destination for the night. I was desperately confused about what to do. I stopped beside a roadside cafe, paralyzed with uncertainty.

Then, a Highway Patrol car pulled up. We had a hard time communicating, but they made me understand that my friend had put them on my trail, and that I should stay put. About an hour later he came riding up. He was furious. Turns out that shortly after I had first pulled ahead, he had a flat tire that took him awhile to repair. This was what he was doing while I was in the shop. He knew all along that I was ahead of him, and was pissed as hell that I never stopped to let him catch up. After I explained how things had looked from my point of view he eventually calmed down.

Had you bought lunch already with enough food for both of you? I can’t tell you how often I’ve noticed that stressed out and agitated people are usually hungry as well. In fact hunger seems to magnify and accelerate any crisis or dispute, and few remedies match simply shoving a plate of food in front of a stressed out soul to calm matters down.

@stanleybmanly That’s a detail I can’t remember. I can’t even remember whether I ate any of the food I had bought. I don’t remember doing anything at all besides riding my ass off.

Not sure if this applies, but it has me thinking of something from many years ago.

I was living in Isla Vista, CA at the time and my 18-year-old sister came to visit me for a month. She was quite bored after about a week, and discovered that there would be a rave (she had been to many for years) that night. Of course, there was secrecy about it, and we ended up meeting someone behind a building at a particular time to discover where and when it would be.

Very late (I’m thinking around midnight), I was to drive my sister into the hills above Isla Vista/Santa Barbara and drop her off for a few hours. Somehow, I thought this was an ok idea, although in hindsight, I probably just wanted to seem like a cool old (boring) brother. Note: If you’re unfamiliar with these hills – there is the 154, which winds up into some really remote roads. Also, the rave was to take place outside on the edge of a these hills, overlooking the pacific.

Well, the time came and we drove up into the hills. It became clear that the narrow roads (without guardrails) would not safely allow me to just turn around after I dropped her off. There were enough cars coming up behind me that it would be a challenge. When we finally got there, there was someone telling people not to turn around. This meant that I needed to find my way back down out of the moutains without a map, gps, or cell phone (obviously – 1997).

I said bye to my sister and continued off into the darkness. Lights of Goleta below and the ocean disappeared and the roads got more and more narrow. Well into my attempt to get home, I realized that I was completely lost, and the road ahead of me was washed out. I had to drive up on the side of the road to avoid the cliff.

After realizing that I was likely not going to make it home, it occurred to me that leaving my sister on the top of a mountain made me quite nervous and I regretted doing it. So, I turned around and after hours of panic, I found myself back to the rave with 10 minutes to spare before the pickup time.

Admittedly, the scene was quite amazing. As I worked my way through people dancing on the edge of cliffs overlooking the ocean, my quest to find her was overwhelming. I couldn’t find her.

I went to the specific meeting spot (next to the “water” cooler), and waited. And waited. For what seemed like an eternity, I waited there as I imagined the worst. My mind was spinning up all kinds of panic.

Eventually (close to an hour late), she appeared out of the cloud of glow-bracelets, although it honestly felt as though I had been waiting for days. And my mind had projected horror scenarios, so by the time she appeared, I was years in the future.

Ok, this turned out to not be the long, excrutiating wait story that I had imagined when I started it. Maybe the real wait is for all of you poor people who had to wait until the end of a pointless story. Sorry. In my defense, however, my “wait” started the minute I dropped her off, many hours before.

@stanleybmanly People don’t get hungry because they’re stressed out. They get stressed because they’re hungry. Think about it…when you’re really hungry don’t you feel a little pissed off? That’s what prompts animals to give it a little more than they have when tracking down food.

As a mother, yes. Many times. With my heart in my throat, fear overtaking my body and my brain.

Yes. In the younger years of my marriage, ( now divorced ) my ex husband was an alcohol abuser on many occasions the ” just a quick beer after work ” often morphed into 8 beers and coming home at 10, 11, 12, 1 a.m. Horrible to wait on someone whom you know is drinking and then driving. I wish I would have left him sooner, but, lesson leaned, never again would I ever allow myself to be emotionally controlled by someones issues.

Yes, my wife and I were hiking in a remote area and I was, as is usual, taking photographs along the way. She got bored waiting on the photographer and went on ahead knowing I could catch up fairly easily. When I got through puttering I hiked on. After about 30 minutes I knew I should have caught up with her but had seen no sign. I picked up the pace and eventually got to a place where I could see a long way out in front of me yet there was no sign of her. I got concerned knowing the inherent dangers hiking backcountry alone and all kinds of horrible scenarios raced through my mind from predators to falls and getting lost.

I decided to retrace my tracks to look for her. I found her after hiking back about 30 minutes. She was on the side of the trail waiting. She had left the trail to use the bathroom and left her pack alongside the trail so that I would know. I had been zoned out or something and completely missed it.. After waiting a short while and me not showing up she had gone back to look and when she did not find me she assumed I had, for some reason, gone on. But had thought it best to sit tight and wait for me, knowing I would be back soon. We have been married a long time and she knew my habits well. She knewI would find her if I could.

Yes. I call it pizza anxiety. When I can’t function while I am waiting for the pizza delivery. How I deal with it is to tip $5 constantly so I get faster service.

Waiting causes hideous anxiety for me. I hope you’re ok @Mimishu1995

@OpryLeigh Actually I’m kind of in that situation right now. The waiting is just horrible, like you said. I just want to know if there is anyone who has been in my situation and how they dealt with it…

Also I watch YouTube or read a book while waiting or Fluther.

No…aggravated would describe how it feels to wait.

Yes. I’ve had people disappear from my life that I was very close with on multiple occasions. No indication that it was going to happen, no goodbyes, just gone one day. The kind of things that go through your mind in those cases are horrible. There’s wondering what you personally did wrong, there’s wondering if they’re okay emotionally, there’s wondering if they’re even alive. There are feelings of sadness, anger, abandonment. It’s honestly similar to grieving over the death of a loved one, because you have no say or control over when or if you’ll ever hear from them again. The anxiety is bad and all you have is time. Time to grieve, time to let the pain dull.

@Mimishu1995 I try to distract myself with comforting TV. My personal favourites are any David Attenborough or Michael Palin documentary (their voices relax me!) or a laid back comedy like Gilmore Girls or Reba, something that doesn’t take to much concentration.

When the anxiety is really bad I get in my car and drive.

I also order an emergency pizza when stressed out or anxious.

I spent quite a few years like this. My now-ex used to travel for his job and he wouldn’t know when he’d get back. 3 days would end up being 3 weeks. He didn’t like to phone home much so I’d be home, with a baby and his autistic son trying to hold it together not knowing anything for sure. When I finally ended it, the therapist I went to with my son suggested I receive PTSD therapy because of the constant stress I had been under and how much my personality had changed.

I completely lose my appetite when I’m stressed out.