General Question

RandomMrdan's avatar

So, should we each pay for our own dinner tab and movie ticket?

Asked by RandomMrdan (7382 points ) March 4th, 2009

Here’s the situation… a few friends and myself are going out tomorrow night to a bar/club around 10 o clock or so. There are two girls that are joining my friend and I. Both of which are Chinese girls, and they are from China. The girl I’m interested in, showed some interest in doing something before we go out to the bar. And knowing how she likes movies, I suggested a movie, and maybe something to eat before hand if she liked.

The movie is Slumdog Millionaire

The place to eat is Happy Greek, she is looking forward to trying something Mediterranean. It’s a sit down place too.

I’m not sure what she would be expecting, or whether I should just assume to foot the bill. I don’t mind paying, because I would be interested in dating this person if things were to eventually come to that. A lot of the time a server will get to the point of the bill and will ask “is this one check, or two?” and I don’t want to say “one please” as she is about to say “two please”.

No one else will be joining us to the movie and dinner. Help me out Fluther, what are some ways to avoid any mishaps for these events tomorrow?

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59 Answers

Lightlyseared's avatar

well you have asked her on a date so I would be prepared to pay.

asmonet's avatar

You kinda asked her out. Pay.

aprilsimnel's avatar

The Dating Goddess bids you pay. She did, I asked her. Just now.

EmpressPixie's avatar

No one has ever looked like a jerk while trying to cover someone else’s bill by saying, “One please.” I’m just sayin’.

elijah's avatar

You asked her, you should pay. If she insists on paying her share, like truely insists on paying, that may mean she just wants to be friends and is pointing that out. Treat a lady like a lady and you will get further in life :-)
Alllow her to pay (if you continue dating) if she wants to, like if she gets tickets to a concert to surprise you. It’s only fair that you both pay, but I find it very grade school to go halfsies.
Sometimes I date people who make less money than me, so if I want a $300 dinner I pay. If we go to a movie or something, he pays.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lol I think the only issue is he doesn’t wan’t to scare her into thinking hes all trying to get into her pants. I think there are a lot of stereo types about americans and dating and what it means when someone pays. Thats one side of the debate, the other side is she is a college student and I’m sure she would appreciate someone else picking up the tab even if its a friend. but I dunno either. But I think I am starting to lean toward paying

eponymoushipster's avatar

You set up the show, you pay for the venue.

marinelife's avatar

When you ask a girl out, you should pay unless it is made clear up front. Especially if you may want to move into the romantic arena later. I hope it goes well.

RandomMrdan's avatar

well, it looks as though this was a dumb question =) I’m paying.

@epoonymoushipster well put sir.

RandomMrdan's avatar

I’ll let everyone know how it goes.

asmonet's avatar

Good luck with your china girl. :)

asmonet's avatar

And it’s not a dumb question, it’d be dumb if you didn’t ask and then looked like an idiot. :)

Dr_C's avatar

As a matter of etiquette you need to pay… it’s the chivalrous thing to do… whether or not it goes anywhere, being a gentleman says a lot about you. That kind of reputation gets around and will without a doubt be helpful to you in the future.

So ALWAYS pay qhen you ask someone out… if she asks for separate checks… pay anyway… ALWAYS be the gentleman… in putting your lady companion’s needs before your own… you’ll see your needs met and surpassed in the long run.

asmonet's avatar

If you offer, she asks if you’re sure or something similar, you say yes and it’s over – good.
If you offer, she says anything like no, or that’s fine I got it, drop it and let her pay.

Just keep your ears open for the hints, they’ll be there.

elijah's avatar

But if she offers to pay don’t say ok right away. It’s polite for a lady to offer. It’s your opprotunity to insist. She will most likely smile and say ok. Girls won’t admit to keeping score, but in her head you just earned gentleman points. If she says no a second time then let her.

asmonet's avatar

Exactly, god, we’re complicated.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@asmonet i feel the need to post this clip

Bri_L's avatar

Not a dumb question dude, at all. Best of luck! and let us know!!

Besides, if you try to pay and it is a problem, that tells you something as well.

eponymoushipster's avatar

Do you know what is culturally acceptable to her? I don’t, but i was wondering how chinese culture views this sort of thing.

AstroChuck's avatar

I agree with lightlyseared. If you are the one who offered then I would think it’s only right for her to expect you to pay.

poofandmook's avatar

too many black and white avatars! lol

dragonflyfaith's avatar

It’s just the two of you going? Sounds like a date to me, especially since she was hinting at wanting to do something alone before the group thing. Since it seems like a date and you did invite her out, you should pay.

Bri_L's avatar

@poofandmook – your an avatarist!!! hehe

ubersiren's avatar

@poofandmook : LOL- I agree about the avatars. Let’s break that up with a little ME!

If the waiter asks beforehand, look at her for the answer and maybe add, “Is it ok if I get the bill?” Same if the bill just comes at the end, just ask if it’s ok if you pick it up. She may even offer to leave tip or something.

You could even ask her ahead of time. Make yourself out to be a cute little dorky gentleman and say how you’ve been wanting to make a good impression and you weren’t sure how the date’s payments would work. I would find that adorable, personally.

asmonet's avatar

@eponymoushipster: Be still my heart. You linked Bowie. lurve for knowing one of my references again. :)

At least I have some color in my avatar. :P

eponymoushipster's avatar

I do what i can, @asmonet. i do what i can.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@asmonet and @eponymoushipster: I was going to make the Bowie reference too :D

@original question: I’m gonna agree with everyone and say you should pay. If she insists on paying for something, go ahead and let her, but at least the offer shows her your sense of chivalry and dating etiquette.

Oh, and sorry – another b&w avatar…

Johnny_B_Goode's avatar

Here’s you line pal: ” Hey, let me pay this time, you can pay next time ”. Be confident as if you didnt even think twice about this slick move…..good luck.

elijah's avatar

So what happened? How did it go?

RandomMrdan's avatar

I don’t go out until tonight, I’ll keep everyone posted.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@RandomMrdan does she have a hot friend? Maybe we can double…

Dr_C's avatar

post pics! lol

lifeflame's avatar

In Chinese culture, it’s expected that even friends take turns footing the bill. In fact, my relatives here spend a disproportionate amount of time over here fighting over who will foot the bill, because technically, if you foot the bill, they owe you one.
So there’s definitely no harm in footing the bill.

asmonet's avatar

I just got lurved out the yin yang for this one, I sense a fluther crush. :P

RandomMrdan's avatar

well everyone, she pulled one out that I didn’t expect… We were eating our meals, and the meal was coming to an end, and just before our server comes back to the table, she reaches into her purse, and pulls out her Mastercard and places it on the table

Not something I expected. So, right after she put the Mastercard on the table, our server comes and of course asks “will this be two checks or one?” and I say, “one is fine” and I check with Katie, and she insisted on paying for herself, and I asked a second time “you sure?, I don’t mind at all” but she insisted so I let her pay for herself.

We went out to see Slumdog Millionaire, which was a great movie, we both really enjoyed it (she paid for herself again). It seemed other people had canceled on our plans to go out to a bar that played 80’s music on Thursdays, but I asked her if she still would like to go anyways, and she said yes. We got out to the bar, I ordered some drinks (and paid). It wasn’t too long until we had the original group out that was suppose to go anyways, and we were all out dancing and getting our jig on.

She isn’t a big drinker, she barely sipped on her beer, but I had maybe 4–5 drinks, and felt just fine. But we really had a good time dancing, but I still feel as though she is interested in seeing me more. By the time I drove her home, she asked me to go out and do something tomorrow evening as well. So we all had a good time.

The conversations we had through out the night went really well. We talked mostly about differences from both cultures and school, and things like that. But all in all, it was a good time.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@RandomMrdanTELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE, did you get very far?”

cool, dude.

Vincentt's avatar

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

asmonet's avatar

Grease = win.

EmpressPixie's avatar

Hooray! Sounds like you had a great time. Congratulations!

Bri_L's avatar

@RandomMrdan – excellent! how cool is that! And she asked you out for next time. I love the feeling in your stomach when that happens.

elijah's avatar

It sounds like everything went great! She seems very cool.

aprilsimnel's avatar

The Dating Goddess has shown you favor, @RandomMrdan! Congratulations!

punkrockworld's avatar

When the bill comes tell her this one’s on you. As a guy, that’s the right thing to do.

Dr_C's avatar

@RandomMrdan way to go man! just flow with the situation and let it guide you…. you did great!

RandomMrdan's avatar

We hung out last night at my place, just relaxed around my apartment, and watched some movies. She really liked my cats, and was pretty impressed with my vast movie collection =)

We’re going rock climbing sometime this week too. So that should be a lot of fun. And she told me she wants to go out and try some different foods like Indian, and Italian. I’ve actually never had Indian, so that sounds kinda fun and interesting.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Aw….! Well done, @RandomMrdan! Well done.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

JEALOUS.

And here I am, all alone.

Vincentt's avatar

@TitsMcGhee – you read my mind…

SeventhSense's avatar

GRRRRRRRRRR….

Dr_C's avatar

@TitsMcGhee you’re never really alone… you have an army of adoring jellies behind you (as long as you have wifi or something like that :P)

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@Dr_C: Touche, my fellow jelly, touche… but I can’t very well sleep with all of you, now can I?

RandomMrdan's avatar

well…you could certainly try…right?

TitsMcGhee's avatar

Haha, I guess so.

Dr_C's avatar

i think the old college try is called for… any volunteers?

asmonet's avatar

@TitsMcGhee: You’re sleeping with at least one of us. ;)

TitsMcGhee's avatar

@asmonet: XOXO, wifey.

maggiemaye's avatar

All of which says to me she’s got a head on her shoulders and isn’t about to indebt herself to someone right off the bat and she’s telling you she’s not for “sale”, metaphorically or otherwise.

CMaz's avatar

If you do not mind paying, then do so. You are the man. If she offers to pay let her leave the tip.

RandomMrdan's avatar

I pay all the time now, since she’s my girlfriend now. however, she did cook me a traditional Chinese dinner the other night, which was very interesting.

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