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Ranimi23's avatar

Why does a girl ask her friends what they think about a new guy she just met?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1867 points ) May 6th, 2009

Please explain to me why if I met a new girl and I’m going out with her later this week, she brings her best friend to talk with me like this friend of her know me a lot, while I never met her before.

Is this a sign for me that the girl I’m interested in is checking me out with her friends before she decide what to do with me?!

Strange to me. I never been checked like that before.

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26 Answers

spresto's avatar

I have been told that it is a support thing.

aidje's avatar

All I can tell you is that with my girlfriend and her circle of close friends, it is absolutely vital that any boyfriend be approved by the entire group. If my experience applies, this means that she’s genuinely interested in you.

gailcalled's avatar

@Ranimi23; You are overthinking and overanalyzing the relationship between girls and young men. Go out and live a little; don’t sit here and brood. Good luck and have fun.

Find some other things that interest you as well.

wundayatta's avatar

This is interesting behavior. On the one hand it shows that for girls, social approval is even more important than the boy, at least in some cases. On the other hand, it suggests that a girl doesn’t trust her own judgment. She may believe she is being blinded by infatuation, and unable to see the real person she thinks she’s in love with. So she relies on her friends as a kind of reality or fact check.

I find both these thoughts disturbing. Friends can be just as wrong as anyone, and to give up on a guy just because the friends don’t think he dresses well, or has enough status seems a bit shallow. Similarly, to not trust one’s own feelings is weird. Why would your feelings steer you wrong? I think it’s rather self-judgmental to say that a relationship with a “bad guy” is wrong. Bad guy to bed, good guy to wed. It’s the way of the beast. Although, it doesn’t have to be that way. Plenty of good guys get the girl, too.

Milladyret's avatar

It’s to get a second opinion, for different (and individual) reasons. Not dangerous, as long as you treat the friend with respect and you are honest.

But I think it’s questionable that the girl you are dating is so obvious about it! Is she that insecure about her own judgement?

flameboi's avatar

normally, girls take you to her friends to interrogate you (been there) to see if you are “good enough” doesn’t mean if its serious or not, they just want to be sure you are not a bastard…
guys do the same, in a more polite way, instead of interrogating the girl, guys check her out and then talk about it, if it’s a good girl, guys will “nood” if she is not agood girl, guys make the girl feel like “just another piece of meat” and will not be included in the “macho” bonding activities…

Supacase's avatar

Was this the first time you met the new girl in person? It may be a safety in numbers thing just in case you turned out to be a psycho.

If not, sometimes it is good to get the opinion of someone who has your best interest at heart because girls tend to get caught up in the excitement of infatuation and need to brought back down to earth. (Not that I think you, personally, are a psycho or not good enough to date! Just speaking in general terms.)

loser's avatar

Showing off? Laying claim?

aprilsimnel's avatar

Are you in high school? It’s something some girls in high school do as they learn how to be in relationships. The older one gets, the less often this will probably happen.

spresto's avatar

@aprilsimnel Nicely said. How true indeed.

qualitycontrol's avatar

did anyone else miss this? She clearly wants to have threesome with you and her best friend! Man, what luck!

westy81585's avatar

@qualitycontrol If everything I’ve learned from porn is true, you are absolutely right. THREE WAY!

chyna's avatar

Judging by the posters name and some of his previous posts, I’m guessing he is from another country. Maybe the girls are a little more cautious there, if so.

cak's avatar

@daloon – if this guy is young, @aprilsimnel is right. It’s perfectly normal and you are overthinking it just as much as @Ranimi23 is. It’s just something younger girl or very early college do…nothing disturbing not an indicator of weakness. Unless you are a girl…you just might not get this behavior.

Anyway, she could be trying to find out what kind of person you have been to other girls. Are you respectful? Do you “expect” too much, especially on the first date? What are you like when you are out? Talkative, quiet…what? There could be all kinds of questions or…“Hey, did you see his cute butt?”

Believe me, both of you are over thinking this one.

Sariperana's avatar

Because she is uncertain of what she thinks of you… she is getting imput from others to make a case, testing the grounds. She must be young but, i havent done that in a few years!

wundayatta's avatar

@cak: Are you saying that my deep, underlying, archetypal analysis is lost on you? ;-)

cak's avatar

@daloon – not lost on me…just not needed, in this situation! Geez man, sometimes, it’s just a girl thing! ;)

wundayatta's avatar

@cak—Girl thing…. girl thing? Ohhhhhhhh. Now I get it! Say no more. Say no more. ;-)

bright_eyes00's avatar

just go with it. girls are strange. plus friends can be overprotective and maybe she’s trying to show to them that you’re a good guy. dont let it get to you.

SeventhSense's avatar

The does in the field need reassurance frequently from the herd. Make no sudden movements and wait for the moment when you can pounce…I’m sorry wrong species.

Chongalicious's avatar

Some girls just need that ourside opinion for fear of getting caught up in the moment with the wrong guy. She probably does it to all her potential boyfriends, so it sounds like a “no biggie” kind of situation to me.

lakersfuture's avatar

The only thing I can think of is that when a girl likes a “new” guy they tend to only see the only the things she likes about him… other girls can see the whole picture in a sense… guys show the girl they like a different side of who they may be….

ronski's avatar

If you don’t ask, they will tell you anyway.

deadhead's avatar

Women always ask their freinds what they think not,only about guys but also regarding clothes,music,cars etc…Why do women always ask other women to go to the bathroom w/them?To talk about the guys their with.Women need “emotional” support to make sure their making the right choice.Men on the other hand know right away if their attracted to a certain women.But men are more stupid and less knowing of female signs.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

If she is smart…She will want to know ahead of time exactly what things they are going to reverse, and use later on as excuses to either; make you break up with him when you start spending too much time with him or… they get too nosey, opinionated and nit pick just to be jealous cows. *See Lauren Conrad’s entire Audrina, and Heidi reportoire on the Hills.

But this is the way it translates in reality: Because they care, and love you, and want what’s best for you always.

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