General Question

atr408's avatar

Should I invite my dad to my wedding?

Asked by atr408 (349 points ) January 4th, 2008

me and my gf were talking bout getting merried and who we want to be there and she asked me if I was gonna invite my dad who I hvnt seen or even talked to on the phone in over 13 years

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15 Answers

srmorgan's avatar

yes, this is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime event and your father should have the opportunity to attend, even if he sounds like a jerk.
I have three children and I could not imagine missing an event like their wedding.

The fact that you extend an invitation may just be the key to re-establishing a relationship.
It never hurts to ask.

steve

Zaku's avatar

Maybe call him up now…

b's avatar

Well, depending on why you don’t talk to your father any more, I would say yes. Family is very important and something as special as a wedding can help bring strained family ties closer.
My ex did not invite her dad to our wedding, and she had not talked to him in many years. But she had some VERY good reasons to not do so. In fact, I never met my former father in law. From what I hear it is good I never did. So it really depends on why you are not talking to him any more. But I highly suggest calling him up, and even including him in the ceremony. That would mean the world to him.

Trance24's avatar

There is always a time to start over.

mikebrowne's avatar

I’m with srmorgan.

figbash's avatar

I disagree. You are not obligated to invite anyone just because they are family – even if it’s your parents.

If your father is intentionally no longer in your life, there’s a reason for that and you shouldn’t invite him. I believe the day should be about you, and your bride and the focus should be squarely on that. Choosing an important day like your wedding as an opportunity to catch up on 13 years of lost time, or to create some high-drama moment to get him to be involved in your life will cause a lot of anxiety and awkwardness, at a time when emotions are high enough.

If the purpose of inviting him is to find an excuse to reconnect, then you should contact him sooner and look for another opportunity to work things out.

If you’re only inviting him because you feel obligated and you’re concerned it’s going to send a message or “start trouble” if you don’t, then cut yourself loose of feeling that way. There are only a few times in your life when you’re allowed to focus on what YOU want or need, and that’s what this day is about.

hollywoodduck's avatar

The best thing that I’ve learned is that if you want to have a relationship with someone, you have to work at it. If you are truly interested in reconnecting with your father, I say go for it. As for inviting him to your wedding, I would break the ice with maybe a visit or even a phone call first. No matter how you plan it out, weddings are happy and wonderful and stressful and you won’t need the added stress of reconnecting with your father on that day. Try to reconnect beforehand. And if obligation is the underlying feeling here then, figbash is right, you aren’t obligated to invite anyone to your wedding that you don’t want there.

Good Luck!

Bri_L's avatar

Depending on why you all are not talking this could be the great obsolver. Nothing like a grand gesture to wipe the slate or create a situation that says “This is what is going on now, lets deal with the rest later”.

cwilbur's avatar

There’s not enough information here. Why haven’t you spoken to your father for 13 years? What do you hope to gain by inviting him?

If you can answer those two questions, you’ll have an answer.

8lightminutesaway's avatar

I would definitely contact him at least. People can change a lot in 13 years and its worth a shot to see if he’s changed but you don’t want to take that kind of shot by blindly inviting him to your wedding. I would speak to him over the phone and extend my invitation that way, and maybe see him before that to see if everything will be ok. As a guy, personally I could not imagine missing my son or daughters wedding for anything. I mean, its your father…

arnbev959's avatar

definitely send him an invitation.

MrsC's avatar

Don’t invite him.

label1877's avatar

I am a divorced Dad who was also not invited to my daughter’s wedding… don’t know why either. She had great childhood. I spent thousands of hours at playgrounds and parks during her and her brother’s childhood. My daughter wanted to work and pay her own way at 16, so she got a job and started pushing me away. Her exceptional good looks attracted the rich boys and even though we are a upper middle class family… maybe I was not good enough. I guess I need to face the fact I raised a shallow, selfish daughter. After reflecting on this for a year…still feeling the sting… I recently wrote her out of my will… love should be a two way street.

rogersteve's avatar

Of course yes. It’s your duty and this time probably comes just one time in your life. So the presence of each relative is necessary.
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