General Question

dogkittycat's avatar

Why do people think you're un-happy if you're not in a relationship?

Asked by dogkittycat (880 points ) November 7th, 2009

I’v been single for a while because my previous boyfriend was awful. Lately my sister has been on me about dating, I have enough to do, like work, essays….ect. She thinks I’m miserable, but I’m not. She doesn’t understand that at all, even my mother is bugging me to date. I don’t understand why they think I need to be in a relationship in order to be content. Has this ever happened to anyone and if so how did you handle it?

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28 Answers

DominicX's avatar

Yeah, I hate it when people assume that. And I am in a relationship. But I wasn’t for a very long time and I was completely fine with it. And then I would hear comments like “it’s so sad to see all the single people here!” on a forum or something. Why is it “sad”? Being single doesn’t automatically mean you’re not happy.

I guess they assume it because they’re so happy being in a relationship that they assume people who are not in one are missing out and would be happier if they were in one. I still don’t think it’s fair to make assumptions about people like that nor force a relationship on them. If they want to be in one, that’s their choice and it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unhappy.

I will admit that being in a relationship is pretty damn awesome. But I was perfectly fine when I was not in one.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

There’s plenty of people in relationships that are unhappy.
We see questions from those people here daily.

I rarely see questions from people professing that not being in a relationship is making them unhappy.

laureth's avatar

People who are in relationships, just like people who have a religion, often find peace and happiness with it. And people typically think that since they have found peace and happiness that way, it is the road to peace and happiness for everyone else in the world. So if you haven’t found the One True Way, you must be sad and lonely. Being Different is not an option. ;)

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You know my entire life I haven’t been single long enough to experience this phenomenon but I certainly do not think single people are unhappy – I think more people (younger version of myself included) should be single, should focus on their own personality development, character building, dreams, etc.

Samurai's avatar

Single > Relationship > Marriage

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Samurai ..for some people.

laureth's avatar

In my case, it was more like Single > Relationship > Relationship > Relationship > Single > Relationship > Single > Relationship > Relationship/Relationship > Single > Relationship > Relationship > Single > Relationship > ... > Marriage.

essieness's avatar

I think it just depends on your personality. Personally, I enjoy being in a relationship. I love to love and be loved. I’m fine being alone… in fact, I enjoy my privacy… but I tend to get a little lonely when I’m single. I just enjoy having someone to share my life with, in a more intimate way than just a friendship.

KatawaGrey's avatar

I think part of it is that a lot of unhappy people happen to be single and rather than evaluating the problems in their life and trying to change them, they zero in on being single and say that’s why they’re unhappy. Then, when they get an SO, they are still unhappy but now they have another person’s life and feelings to consider.

@laureth: Wait, are you happier being married than being single or the other way around?

faye's avatar

because lots of times it’s true. Hence the quadrillion dating services off and online

laureth's avatar

@KatawaGrey – depends on the day, my friend. Depends on the day. ;)

jimmyjones's avatar

Because the people thinking this are co-dependents and have no idea that a person can be quite happy and contented w/out being in a relationship.

ragingloli's avatar

they are jealous of my freedom

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ragingloli it’s a possibility – but you have no more freedom than I do and I’m in a relationship – not all relationships destroy an individual’s freedom

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Monogamy isn’t necessarily a destruction of freedom. If you feel that way, it’s good you have a situation wherein you don’t have to remain monogamous but are still in a relationship. I personally find that being in a relationship with my boyfriend is very liberating in its way just like if I was single I would be liberated in a different way.

faye's avatar

i miss being touched and held and sex. i miss being able to laugh together at a private joke. i miss the feeling in the back of my mind that i am loved. Then there are the things i don’t miss….

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KatawaGrey right that’s what I was saying

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Apologies. It sounded like you were implying that most relationships destroy freedom because the people involved are only having sex with each other.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@KatawaGrey no, I believe that’s what @ragingloli was implying

smack's avatar

no one wants to be lonely. everybody knows that. but what everybody doesn’t know is the difference between being alone and lonely.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@smack: Good answer! That is one of the best answers I’ve heard on fluther!

faye's avatar

So true@smack, so many times after my family was sleeping.

Darwin's avatar

I was happy when I was single. I am currently happy enough having been married for 20 years. However, I must admit that when I was single I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it and I had plenty of friends so I was often alone but never lonely. Now that I am married I am rarely alone but sometimes I am lonely. And I do an awful lot of errands and chores for others.

Of course, there is the old t-shirt: ‘A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.’

justn's avatar

I’m single and very happy, and I don’t think that single people are unhappy.

faye's avatar

Does anyone think age is a determining factor?

Darwin's avatar

No. I don’t. I do think that being comfortable in your own skin helps.

mclaugh's avatar

I’d rather be happy alone than unhappy with someone else. I have been single for 5 months and am toally content with myself. I come and go as I please, don’t feel guilty when I have to work or study more, am more into my school work(I’m getting 90’s in all my classes)..it’s awesome! I do get lonely sometimes but then, that’s what friends are for. I’m sure that I’ll find a great guy someday, but right now, I’m loving being selfish.

dogkittycat's avatar

Yeah I’ve been single for almost seven months. I too get good grades 95 up, my parents are rather strict about grades. I don’t get lonely, I read a lot and I’m involved in Student Gov., Breast Cancer Awareness program, graduating class treasurer and more. I have more than enough to keep myself busy. Right now I think a guy would be more of an inconvience than a leisure.(no offense ). Even if I did have a boyfriend I don’t see where he’d fit in with all these activities

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