General Question

Violet's avatar

(NSFW) Help with quitting masturbation?

Asked by Violet (6566 points ) February 18th, 2010

I’ve been using a very high powered rabbit vibrator, and it is affecting my ability to achieve an orgasm through oral sex.
I’ve decided to stop using the vibrator cold turkey and quitting is harder than I thought.
Has anyone else has this problem, or have any suggestions?

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77 Answers

Sampson's avatar

You just need a high dose of will power. Nothing to it but to do it, dear.

lillycoyote's avatar

Why do you want to quit masturbating? (edit) :Sorry, didn’t read the whole question. It’s because it is making it hard for you to achieve orgasm through oral sex. Sorry. I jumped the gun. I don’t have an answer.

judochop's avatar

use the toy but remove the batteries.

Sampson's avatar

@lillycoyote Details, details.

Violet's avatar

@lillycoyote please read the first sentence of my details. (edit) it’s ok no worries
@Sampson Thanks. It helps to hear it from other people.
@judochop that is a very clever idea. I don’t know that I could orgasm without the high powered vibration. I do think it would help with my cravings. Thank you so much!

Sampson's avatar

You CAN do it. Hell, even if you relapse, don’t give up. You CAN do it, dammit!

lillycoyote's avatar

@Violet :) I sometimes leap before I look.

jazzjeppe's avatar

Perhaps use the vibrator together with your partner?

Violet's avatar

@Sampson I’ve gone 3 days without the high powered vibrator (I tried a low powered vibrator last night, but I gave up quickly).
@jazzjeppe we do that, but not with my high powered vibrator. I don’t want to have to rely on a machine to give me an orgasm. Thank you for the idea though

Zen_Again's avatar

Combine the two?

Sampson's avatar

@Violet You go girl

Violet's avatar

@Zen_Again (please see my comment for jazzjeppe) I don’t get oral as much as I’d like. I can masturbate any night (I only masturbate really late at night).

TheJoker's avatar

Ummm, I dunno….. Haribo sweets perhaps.

Violet's avatar

@TheJoker I actually eat candy when I was quitting cigarettes.

suncatnin's avatar

What if you try to gradually decrease the speed? Like, if you have a 5 speed and you’ve been using the 5th speed, move to the 4th speed until you become accustomed to it, and then move to the 3rd speed over the span of a few weeks. It will gradually wean you off the need to use the high powered vibration without denying you the orgasm.

TheJoker's avatar

@Violet Hehe, yeh, funny how that works…. it was mints with me :)

Violet's avatar

@suncatnin it’s only a 2 speed, and even the lower setting is pretty powerful. I do have a low powered vibrator, with 2 settings. Maybe I could use that when I get desperate.
@TheJoker I ate a lot of hard candy, and I liked lollipops because it simulated the motions of a cigarette.

suncatnin's avatar

@Violet Bummer. Mine’s a 3 speed, so I get a little more flexibility there. Have you thought about going to a sex shop to look at different ones? They say that you can test the speeds by putting it against the tip of your nose. Employees will usually take them out and put batteries in them for you so that you can test them this way. If you test the strength of yours first, then you may be able to find one that would let you ‘step down’

The other idea would be to only use half-used batteries so that it doesn’t have a full charge, I suppose.

Violet's avatar

@suncatnin I have plenty of vibrators, but thank you

davidbetterman's avatar

A long time ago, when people tried to quit smoking, it was thought that if they smoked 4 times as much as normal, that they would get sick of the stuff and it would be easier to quit.

Why not try that with your little toy. Use it so much that you simply can’t do it anymore. Then quit.

Violet's avatar

@davidbetterman when smoke 4 x’s as many cigarettes, it will make them sick. If I use a high powered vibrator 4 x’s as much I will lose even more feeling in my clit

TheJoker's avatar

@Violet & besides, using 4x vibrators would be a tight squeeze I’d imagine!

Sophief's avatar

@Violet Why is it because of you vibrator?

ucme's avatar

Put that Watership Down,kill the wabbitt.Or you could go for the deluxe model it’s called the Thumper.

Cruiser's avatar

It almost sounds as things have become routine to the point of disinterest. If you have progressed to the point of a needing a Swiss Army style vibrator to climax perhaps the mojo between you and your lover needs tweaking. If you aren’t turned on in the skull much any more, oral just may no be working for that reason. Just a thought.

BoBo1946's avatar

Willpower MsV!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

well generally speaking what you’re talking about is a myth, because vibrators don’t have that effect…if you’re trying for a regular orgasm within a couple of hours of using your vibrator, you just might need more time to recharge..there is no change to your physiology from using too much of a good thing like a vibrator…are there other reasons you may experience difficulty achieving an orgasm with your partner?
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/do_vibrators_cause_a_loss_of_sensitivity

ubersiren's avatar

Maybe just cut your activity in half. If you do it twice a day, cut down to once. Then after a week or so, make it every other day. Then, maybe you can even down grade to something less powerful.

Broken_Arrow's avatar

Rub your hands with the juice of habanero peppers

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’m not sure if this will work, but maybe you need to address two things with this. First just relax and let the sensations take you to wherever while your guy is doing oral. Just don’t put any pressure on either of you. Second, find out one thing he really really wants, whatever it is. Promise him you’ll make his wish come true if he’ll do the best oral on you. (Without any pressure). That sounds contradictory, but if he sees a reward, he might be more willing to work at it. It just sounds like you both are learning, don’t stop experimenting and keep trying. And screw the quitting cold turkey. You don’t get to take the orgasms you passed on into the next life. Try doing it in front of your guy to show him what you like.

whatthefluther's avatar

Cold turkey is probably the way to go, but if the frequency and success rate of oral sex does not increase and improve, I will predict a relapse (and who could blame you). However, be patient and give your partner some time to “overpower” that which the vibrator provided. Success is possible, but again, will take patience on your part and extra effort on your partners part. If you are both up for that, you will get there, and the results with a lover should well exceed that which is possible with a mechanical device. Good luck.
See ya…..Gary/wtf

sleepdoc's avatar

@Violet .. Maybe you inferred this, but can you enjoy masturbation in any way other than using that vibrator?

slick44's avatar

why stop? if it feels good do it. your not hurting anyone.

casheroo's avatar

Hmm. I think other than throwing it away, you’re still going to be tempted. I don’t see how it could affect your ability to orgasm orally…I know you’ve asked advice for your partner, maybe he just can’t give you an orgasm orally..or have you ever had one?
I find I have to keep masturbating or it’s like my body forgets how to orgasm during sex lol. I don’t know how to explain it, but it keeps my body going since we can’t have sex every single day.

wundayatta's avatar

This phenomenon is mentioned here in WebMD:

Frank Sommers, MD, a Toronto psychiatrist, worries that excessive vibrator use during masturbation could desensitize women to orgasms with a partner. “I tell my patients, ‘Look on a vibrator as whipped cream—you wouldn’t want to eat it every day.’’’

He believes too much vibrator use ‘’habituates your autonomic nervous system to such stimulation that a human could not duplicate it.”

Do you use any dopamine agonists such as pramipexole ? This paper says they are associated with hypersexual activities such as a lot of masturbation. You may also have elevated levels of testosterone.

One answer to a question about the side effects of masturbation said that you have to do what you’re trying to do: throw away the vibrator.

I agree with @whatthefluther: do it the way you’ve been trying to: cold turkey. It’ll be a real pain at first, but if you can stick it out, you’ll be free. However, if what that last website said is true—it’ll still take a while before you can achieve orgasm through oral.

Just_Justine's avatar

I think you are going to have to quit cold turkey sadly. But also consider medication could be the reason why you “crave” high powered stimulation. In which case it’s not Mr Rabbits fault. (Sorry if that sounded sexist?).

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine Why should she quit? The guy is the one not coming thru for her. (Bad pun)
Oral sex takes some knowledge of anatomy and psychology. Just a question from a guys perspective.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe you can be as knowledgeable as you like but if some medications stop orgasm that is it. I didn’t say quit entirely, I said, throw Rabbit away because she wants to. Anyway I don’t know if it was med’s or not.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine Thanks. I forgot the med thing. Here’s why I find that ironic. I’m on blood pressure meds. Guess what didn’t work with one of the meds. Limp noodle. @violet. This is going to take a lot of intense and personal communication with your guy. Good luck

Just_Justine's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe maybe some men come with hammer drill tongues?? loll.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Just_Justine Thanks for the smile

BoBo1946's avatar

@Broken_Arrow you are hoot! Loll

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Oh thanks. I get a GA for having a limp noodle. Seriously, Violet, justine’s question jump started another thought. Are you and your guy completely comfortable with him going “there”. A lot of women seem to find it questionable that A. a man wants to go there, and B. their not comfortable letting him get upclose and personal with their intimate parts. I’ve seen women blush when I start. It makes me work harder and then they blush for another reason.

BoBo1946's avatar

off subject: @Adirondackwannabe hey, did you and Dibley make up? loll

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@BoBo1946 That started as a joke, but we ended up with everyone pissed at us.The worst part is she kicked my ass with her comebacks.

nikipedia's avatar

Switch to manual mode for a while. It’ll take longer but you’ll still get off.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I’m kind of loath to chime in, considering everyone’s helpful suggestions have been shot down thus far..

Anyway, you say you have lots of vibrators. Why not work your way down so that you’re not relying on the super high-powered one? Or use one that you can put on a lower setting until you’re getting close, then kick it up if necessary—but the main point is that you don’t have the super vibrator on all the time.

It takes someone/something special to get me off during oral sex, but it’s not because I use a vibrator, it’s because I think way too damn much while it’s happening. That and I have a hard time letting my guard down enough to get there and to let go when I’m close. You might explore the non-physical aspect to this block.

Silhouette's avatar

I was going to say mittens and leave it at that but you asked for a little more detail so here tis.. Trade in your very high powered rabbit vibrator for a lower powered bunny version. Step down gradually if cold turkey isn’t working for you. TheJoker has good idea, try gummy bears.

CMaz's avatar

Come to my house. I can help.
;-)

CMaz's avatar

I’m not kidding… ;-)

phil196662's avatar

@Violet… callus where your vibrator hits you? you might only have to stop for a few days for the area to heal then use your finger to check the sensitivity. The wife gets these frenzied times when she masturbates several times a day during her period so I distract her for several days then do her good…

slick44's avatar

@ chazMaz…. I just bet u can! you better watch out we might all need your help!

CMaz's avatar

Ladies only.

Just for the record.

slick44's avatar

ok then if your ever in mich. give me a shout.

pear_martini's avatar

I love my vibe but i cant use it if i know ill be seeing my man within the next 48 hours lol

phil196662's avatar

Totally! @pear_martini ; then you can get some “D S B” to share with him!

Violet's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir not a myth please see @wundayatta‘s comment and link
@phil196662 I do think I am going to have to switch to the finger.
@Silhouette I have a lower powered version, but right now, it isn’t satisfying me.
@MissAnthrope I think after a break from all vibrators, the lower powered ones will satisfy me again (hopefully).
@Cruiser and @Just_Justine have been using vibrators like this since I was in elementary school.

phil196662's avatar

@Violet ; or his- finger…

mattbrowne's avatar

The issue is about quitting obsessive sexual behavior, not harmless sexual practices as such. Tell yourself that obsessions are unhealthy for you long term. Moderation is a virtue.

Silhouette's avatar

Think about something else. Jellyfish, whales, dolphins, sea turtles, crabs, clams.. Oh shit that didn’t work did it?

CMaz's avatar

Making me hungry.

wundayatta's avatar

Hmmm. This talk about fingers just reminded me that my fingers shake something fierce at times. I wonder…. ;-)

evandad's avatar

Just deal with it Violet. You’ll never get back to sexual orgasm if you don’t.

Violet's avatar

@mattbrowne so you think it is ok to use a very high powered vibrator in moderation? I’ve been using high powered vibrators has done for 15+ years.
@evandad it helps to hear it from other people. I think I would have caved if I hadn’t asked this question last night.

phil196662's avatar

@Violet ; NSFW – I should just tie you up and run feathers down you for several hours then let you sleep some and then put a chastity belt on you for one night then put on a hood and do more feathers and then stop for five minutes.

then make you stretch for a vibrator on a rope only to cause you to back off when I toss some wax, when your panting then just give you my pencil vibrator and let you quiver for an hour to an wonderful explosion…

then send you back to your man to ride into the sunset! lol lol lol, he he he

note- the pencil vibrator get totally different spots than anything you have ever experienced…

CMaz's avatar

Take your very high powered rabbit vibrator and give it as a really clever gift.

mattbrowne's avatar

@Violet – Sure, why not, if you really enjoy it and

- it doesn’t threaten your health (because the vibrator is clean)
– you don’t have to fight cravings all the time
– you remain in full control of the rest of your life

Violet's avatar

@phil196662 ooooo, I like that idea. Now I have to Google “pencil vibrator”
@ChazMaz lol! I think I’ll keep it. Clever idea though
@mattbrowne ok, well I’m going to try that, and if I can’t get off form oral, I’m blaming you! (jk)

phil196662's avatar

@Violet ; any narrow vibrator should do nicely, an electric toothbrush could suffice in a wiggle emergency

whyigottajoin's avatar

That’s exactly why I don’t turn my vibrator all the way to it’s max bc I want to still be able to have an orgasm with my boyfriend together! I’m glad I figured that out before I lost feeling in my clit. Also you shouldn’t use it everyday, you should just use your weaker one’s and your hand untill your clit gets it’s feeling back. Or even better, try to quit for 4 days. After that the less-powerfull ones will be enough for you.

phil196662's avatar

@whyigottajoin – totally true but when you stop you should have the real tool close at hand for fulfillment…

whyigottajoin's avatar

@phil196662 Huh? You mean my boyfriend’s tool? In that case, I do ;)

phil196662's avatar

Yep, close at hand is the best method, like chocolate it needs to close and ready to be consumed!

spincity9080's avatar

my thoughts….you could always break it and buy one thats less powerful and slowly ween your dependency off of it…....it is healthy to masturbate but if it effects your normal sex life then it is becoming a problem

germanmannn's avatar

So how did that work out 4ya did you stop

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