Social Question

Just_Justine's avatar

When you have thought it a healthier option, how did you detach from a situation?

Asked by Just_Justine (6453 points ) February 22nd, 2010

It could be any situation of course. A family one, a circle of friends or a office filled with co workers. A lot of the groups I have just mentioned come with their own innate issues and dysfunctions. I am by nature a joker and love everyone to feel happy and relaxed. But of late I have found for e.g. my co workers to be slightly toxic.

When I withdraw from them, or settle down to work and don’t joke around, I get shocked responses, or surprised looks or hurt faces looking at me. I also get “What is wrong?” or “Are you OK?” Which actually annoy me then the whole situation is magnified.
I seriously need to detach from this lot and function in a calm and professional way without prompting them to ask all these questions and personalize it. How have you managed this in your own life successfully? i.e. successful detachment.

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23 Answers

BoBo1946's avatar

Be yourself and let the “chips fall where they fall!”

Blackberry's avatar

I’m pretty blunt when it people pester me. I hate when people think they know me just because I divert from my normal behavior. I’d just say: “Look, guys….I feel I’ve been socializing too much and not getting work done so I just want to get some work done, it doesn’t mean I’m sad or anything, leave it alone, I’m fine.”.

Ria777's avatar

make a clean break. boom! I have done this a few times. it really does work.

janbb's avatar

At work, I’d be inclined to say, “I’ve got a lot of work to do and I’m trying to keep my priorities straight,” or words to that effect. No need to go into a song and dance, although people are often surprised when you change a pattern. It is harder to shift things in more personal relationships; you might have to say something like, “I find I need to focus more on myself and/or other issues for now.” Be prepared for some push back but stick to your guns.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

When they ask,just tell them that you feel “farty” today.They will detach themselves from you immediately! ;)

wundayatta's avatar

I tend to stick it out for a little bit, and then make a few hints about having things to do, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll make it really clear I have a project I have to get done, so I really can’t talk now.

I’m not sure if this answers the question. Do you just want to get them out of your hair, or do you want to get them out without them noticing you’ve sent them away?

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

@janbb has some good suggestions. Simply state that you’re busy, and that should be that.

Personally, I have learned over the years not to take things to heart and to see words from another’s point of view. This helps me to keep it clear that people often say things about themselves even when they’re talking about me.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I hate being around any toxic people. So I would detach myself from them with some reasonable excuse. Their coworkers, so you need them to make things work. I’ve got a very thick skin, so its easy to stay away from toxic people outside the workplace. I’ll try to think on that a little more.

Just_Justine's avatar

@wundayatta I want them to back off completely, too close for comfort

Just_Justine's avatar

@BoBo1946 bloody good idea that

CMaz's avatar

Right on @BoBo1946 . Pretty much says it all.

In time you will become cynical and introverted. Not out of bitterness but from coming to see life for what it is and not how it is perceived.

Then nothing else will matter except what is right for you.
Making withdrawing a reflex.

And, no one’s damn business and too bad if they can’t get it. ;-)

BoBo1946's avatar

@ChazMaz the proverbial “generation gap!”

Cruiser's avatar

Just bow out of the discussion and they will soon get used to not having you in their circle of discussion.

BoBo1946's avatar

@ChazMaz hey, excuse my seniorist…thought I was anwsering the question about “how to get money easy(@ChazMaz the proverbial “generation gap!) loll…a good thing about getting older; have learned to laugh at my stupidity!

BoBo1946's avatar

@Just_Justine thank you my English friend!

phillis's avatar

Most people are dysfunctional in at least one area of thier lives, forcing many people to wonder whether it is truly a sin or whether it is normal. And, let’s face it – for most of us, work sucks! We wouldn’t be there if we weren’t being paid for it. So, any relief, especially comic relief, is greatly appreciated. Are they being toxic, or are they showing appreciation? And perhaps a little confusion as to why you have changed direction. You have to be able to see it from both sides (thiers AND yours) in order to answer that question correctly.

When they become accustomed to being presented with one “face” of yours, they tend to expect it. It even helps them get through their work day. That is a very human way to be, and not at all what most would classify as toxic. It’s up to you to show a little more patience and ease them into seeing your industrious side. When you suddenly change, it is customary to allow others around you the opportunity to catch up.

evandad's avatar

I haven’t always. In many cases the problem was due to love or addictions. Those can both beat common sense at times. Makes me glad to be old.

the100thmonkey's avatar

@ChazMaz: that’s a very cynical take on life – I’m by no means cynical; I’m an optimist at heart, but I still the value in letting the chips fall where they fall.

Relinquishing control does not equate to becoming cynical.

ChaosCross's avatar

I do it bluntly and briskly, usually the first chance I get once I’ve decided. It will hurt, sure, but prolonging it will only make things worse.

thriftymaid's avatar

You can’t do it if you have only “thought it.” When you “know it,” just do it.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

The problem is one of getting people used to your changed behavior. You must be consistant in this behavior or you’ll confuse them.
In my career, I’d always been aloof and “all business”. I’m trying now to show a friendlier side, difficult since my mild Aspergers Syndrome makes it hard for me to read nonverbal cues. I’ve been fortunate that the people around me understand my condition and realiize that they have to tell me what they’re thinking. Just be consistant in your behavior and people will get used to the “new you”, it won’t happen overnight.

CMaz's avatar

As time goes on, when we start/learn to “Relinquish control” we tend to “come off” as cynical.

Besides, “cynical” is not a bad thing. Some people just need to get over it. ;-)

BoBo1946's avatar

@the100thmonkey there is a difference between being “cynical” and telling it how, “the horse ate the cabbage(translated, the truth)!”

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