Is PMS a valid excuse for being mean?

Here is a line that my ex-girlfriend once told me.

“Women just use that excuse to be a bitch and they don’t want to get in trouble with you or anyone else.”

they do go through alot of pain however that doesnt mean they can do and say whatever they want not mention yelling and throwing things

Obviously, I’m not a woman, but I have tangential thought to tangentially answer your question.

My favorite book about women states that women are either low, medium or high maintenance. The degree of maintenance is based not on how girly they are or whether they want you to open the door for them or whatever, but based primarily on whether and to what degree they believe they have an inherent right to displays of emotional outburst, regardless of context. Low maintenance women are very aware of their emotions and of the appropriateness of displaying or acting upon them in a given context, while high maintenance women really have no concern for their path of destruction, because they have an inherent right to express their emotions and your job as boyfriend or whatever is to stand there and take it.

I think a low or medium maintenance woman with the most severe PMS issues would still be aware enough to know that a storm is brewing and kind enough to waive you off.

So, I would say that person is high maintenance, and I would say that you need to decide whether you’re going to accept that behavior knowing that it is not likely to change and that you have options in that there are other women out there who are not like that.

No! no person has the right to be mean.

Interesting that no woman has responded.

I just asked my girlfriend if she would step in and answer this question…BAD idea to let her read the current responses while she herself is blessed with the time of the month. So I guess this question remains unresponded to by women.

Im a woman and I consider myself high maintenance but I have never used my period as an excuse to be mean or be a bitch. I actually act the same way every time of the month. People can never tell when I’m on my period.

@g333s0n6656: I feel your pain.

And I laugh hysterically.

absolutely not. I’ve walked around all day in severe pain for over a month and I didn’t complain. Its an excuse and I hate it

its not pain that causes the mood though remember, its the hormornal roller coaster your body puts you through—my girlfriends response

she only says that cause she’s pmsing right now

yes its a valid excuse; our hormones are in an uproar plus we have to feel our uterus cramping meanwhile everything is irritating and we feel like we dont want to do anything but lay down with a blanket, watch a movie and eat chocolate ice cream.

Okay, well. I’m a lady and it just so happens that I’ve been having a little PMS this week. What a perfect time to chime in, no? As g33s0n6656’s girlfriend said (and as I can’t believe no one had mentioned before him), pain has very little to do with it! I can’t speak for all women, but I can say that for me, I definitely don’t say “Ouch, I have terrible cramps, so I’ll just be a mean bitch this week.” For me, I usually don’t even realize that I’m PMSing until I can feel myself getting more and more irritable and annoyed at the tiniest things. Suddenly every person who cuts me off on the freeway is the biggest asshole and I want to murder them. BUT, I think that whether a woman chooses to use that as an excuse to be outwardly bitchy or realizes that she is PMSing and makes an extra effort to NOT be a bitch to every person she meets is her choice and her choice alone. I know that while I might snap at one or two people, I try my best to not make PMS an excuse for bitchery. If I have to, I’ll just keep to myself until I can cool off (just as I would during any other stressful time). Or, sometimes I’ll tell my boyfriend, “just so you know, I’m a little irritable right now, so if you could try to not push my buttons today that would be fantastic.” It doesn’t have to be all about using PMS as a trigger to get people to leave you alone.

ha ha ha. i am a girl. and the replies here are hilarious. i am just bitchy all the time. i dont need a reason. guys have NO CLUE what it is like to be on the rag or about to go on it. just like girls dont know what it is like to have a hard on. (but i can tell you i would take a hard on ANY DAY over pms)

Women with premenstrual syndrome appear not to have a hormone abnormality but rather respond abnormally to normal ovarian hormones, according to a carefully executed new study that could change the focus of treatment strategies.

The findings call into question the syndrome’s psychiatric designation as an emotional disorder, suggesting instead that the symptoms of PMS stem from an aberrant effect on the brain of changes in blood levels of the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which are released monthly in cyclical fashion throughout a woman’s childbearing years.

The findings could change how PMS is regarded by the medical profession and the general public. For many years, it was widely considered an emotional weakness or something women made up, prompting many women who were affected to deny that they had a problem. Others viewed it as a gynecological problem even though no specific cause could be found. In 1987, PMS was listed as a psychiatric disorder.

http://archive.southcoasttoday.com/daily/01–98/01–24-98/b02li083.htm

Symptoms of PMS
PMS symptoms can range from mild to severe. Symptoms may include:

Breast Swelling and Tenderness
Dizziness
Headache
Cramps
Nausea and vomiting
Food cravings
Abdominal bloating
Weight gain from water retention
Stomach upset
Swelling of the face, hands, ankles
Depressed mood
Crying spells
Anxiety, irritability, anger
Trouble falling asleep (insomnia)
Appetite changes or food cravings
Fatigue
http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/womenshealth/a/PMS.htm

Ha ha!! kevbo has us all figured out. He read the book!! Just kidding. PMS is no excuse to be nasty, but it can make us pretty miserable, (as you already know) so a little extra patience goes a long way.

@scamp: uh, scoreboard?

Are you referring to the fact that you have 1524 points as compared to my measly 56? I was just kidding around dude. I hope you weren’t offended.

Yeah, I know. I’m just giving you a hard time. Defending my honor, etc. ;-)

Just within the context of the question.

ok gotcha!! wink Your honor is still intact. I bow before you ,LOL. pardon me. My humor can be a bit dry at times, but I am never seriously nasty… even when I have PMS..Ha ha!!

How would you feel if you knew you were going bleed put of your crotch for up to 7 days!!!!!

PMS makes some women yellers and some women cryers. It just depends on the woman.

I don’t think it’s a valid excuse at all.

If a woman is having a bad day for whatever reason, I still expect her to have the decency to treat other people civilly, or at least to remove herself from situations where she can’t behave appropriately. Blaming it on PMS might be truthful, or might be a convenient excuse—it’s not like the victims of her mood are going to have any way of checking.

Otherwise, I reserve the right to be irritable and cranky because I haven’t gotten laid in two weeks: just as valid an excuse, as men can testify, just as easy for the victims of my mood to check on, and just as inappropriate as a justification for treating other people poorly.

No, I think you should never be nasty to other people if you can help it. But sometimes little things do seem like a REALLY BIG DEAL and you feel so sad, aggravated, etc. when the PMS is raging… just cut ladies some slack if they snap at you or start sniffling about something stupid at this time, if they are nice normal girls they will apologize and you can move on.

Bitches get bitchier when they r PMS-ing. Cool girls get cramps…. Simple as that.

It’s different for different women, and it can have psychological, personality-altering, and perception-of-reality-altering effects for some. And, it can change over time. How we choose to relate to it and each other is not something I have a short answer for at the moment.

All I can say is that the worst PMS mood swings I had were during the times in my life when I was taking birth-control pills. The last time I was on the pill, there were days that I truly was out of my mind, and I considered having myself committed. My suspicions were confirmed when I stopped taking the pill.

I am NOT saying that the pill is evil an no one should take it. I am simply saying that through this experience, I learned first-hand how hormones can alter a person’s mental status. Because each person has different metabolisms, each person’s reaction to hormones will vary (whether they’re produce by their body or otherwise introduced into the system). Consider anabolic steroids and “roid rage” as another example. Just as everyone’s experience through the hormonal fluctuations of adolescence is different…

If someone you know is having issues with PMS mood swings, encourage her to address it with her physician.

There is no valid excuse for being mean…however it does explain why someone may act out of the ordinary. PMS causes stress and sometimes can be very painful….that combined with other factors in life can push certain females over the edge. So basically…no it isnt an excuse in general… we women do have control over ourselves and our emotions and with time we learn to deal with it and its side effects.

Is this a person who is ordinarily nice and under control, or does she use any excuse to justify her bad behavior?

I get one day of horrible PMS every month like clockwork. Boyfriend knows, recognizes, and forgives. I know I am not myself and try really hard to be nice but it is really difficult!

No one in particular. Just wondering in general terms.

now now children, you should never trust something that can bleed for five days and not die”
Anyway, you women have no idea how it feels to be kicked in the balls.

I don’t think there’s ever an excuse to be mean. However, PMS is real, guys. Personally, I don’t always have it bad, but there have been months when all I could do is ride it out until it was over.. kind of like a bad trip. Until you experience severe PMS, you probably have no idea just how powerful your hormones are. As someone mentioned above, the hormone surge experienced can lead to “psychological, personality-altering, and perception-of-reality-altering effects for some”.. seriously, NO JOKE, think about that. It’s kind of like someone slipping you LSD for a few days, imagine how you’d feel.. crazy, out-of-control, emotional, etc. It’s not anything you can stop or control and all of a sudden you’re a step out of reality, where all the ills in the world are amplified.

It sucks. So please be a bit understanding while we struggle with our hormones!

P.S. I wouldn’t compare PMS to not getting laid for a couple of weeks, if you plan to get laid ever again. ;)

Oh, I believe that PMS is real.

I just think that if you want to use sex-related hormones as an excuse to be irritable and nasty to people and expect us to put up with it, we also get to use sex-related hormones as an excuse to be irritable and nasty and expect you to put up with it.

You’re responsible for your behavior. PMS is not a valid excuse for being mean. Deal with it.

Okay, this month is one of those bad months. I think I’m at the peak of it now, and I honestly feel kind of crazy. I have been thinking about this thread for a few days, because I was reminded of it when I first started to feel this come on. What I was going to say is that when I find myself thinking or reacting differently (I don’t know how else to describe it, it just feels abnormal to me), I know it’s my hormones.

At the beginning, I’m able to have enough distance to recognize this abnormality and try not to feed into it. If it gets worse, though, like it is now, I have no control over my emotions whatsoever. Trust me, if I could end this this very second, I would. Every bad thing is amplified, as are my responding emotions and thoughts. It escalates until I’ve worked myself into a tizzy, feeling emotionally out of control as I freak out. If it gets really bad, I can even craft alternate realities where I completely misconstrue a situation, and then that sends me further off into my own world. It’s awful, but very real. :(

I’m usually a very reasonable, even-keeled person.

Never realized I had it until my husband had an affair. Each month like clock work I freak out and get a little OCD. Life sucks and I just want to die. I think irrationally and “everything bad” happened because of his relationship with the woman I call “bitch-whore”. Then, 2— 3 days later I get my period and bingo, I am back to normal. Life is ok again – as he is still with me and has worked his ass off to improve the marriage. A few other times a month I get slightly annoyed over things, but know how to stop concentrating on the crap. So, I have to believe that it is pms. When I look back at it over the years, I see I always had it. I remember “tantrums” but they were over different things and not geared at one single person. I hope I find a pms solution because the rest of the time I am a pretty “normalish” person. I swear it is real – either that or I am actually Sybil for 2–3 days a month…

I’ve been dating a woman for two years. She struggles with PMS—she’s told me she can’t control the way she feels—and I believe her. But how does one make it through those times when it’s frankly brutal in what she says or does. Having patience seems almost impossible for me when she says stuff that has such a personal edge to it. It’s like, ok, you are not feeling well. And there is nothing you can do about it—but it’s not right to make the comments so pointedly personal.

And, when I say something calmingly, like “that comment was unfair” or “why did you say that? What do you mean?”, it leds to a fight. It frustrates me. I can that it frustrates her too.

She has to learn to say “I’m having a rough couple days, we’ll talk about this later.” Or “I’m especially irritable today, I think I want to be alone.”

She can’t control how she feels, but she can control how she acts.

And if she doesn’t control how she acts, it’s up to you to figure out if you want to put up with it. I wouldn’t.

That’s the same conclusion that I’ve come to after asking this question and reading all the answers (thanks everyone!). All women people suffer physical and emotional ailments from time to time, some worse than others. Barring some extreme circumstances, however, everyone can control how they behave, if not how they feel.

i like how all the girls say that no guy knows what it’s like to have to go through the pain and emotional and hormonal roller coaster. seriously? that’s retarded. cuz guys never have to deal with anything at work or anything. (sarcasm) girls use pms as an excuse all the time. just deal with it. no one likes you when you act all freaking bitchy like that. It’s freaking annoying. not to be insensitive but seriously. i’ve broken 7 ribs, my nose, two bones in my hand, and also have the worst immune system ever. and i don’t act like an insane person. so don’t talk to me about the pain being the reason for it. and as for the hormonal thing, that’s lame. you still have control.

Having never experienced the crazy female hormones, I think you should be the last to comment on whether it’s real or not. Just sayin’.