General Question

frustratedgirl's avatar

How do you find a girl for a threesome on the internet?

Asked by frustratedgirl (197 points ) March 13th, 2010

Hey there. My boyfriend and I are going out of town next week and want to have a threesome with a random girl in the city we’re visiting. Only requirement is that she’s hot. We started looking for one online 2 weeks ago because we figured it might be difficult, but it’s been even harder than we’d imagined. We’re young and attractive, so we’d be perfect for any girl that is looking for a threesome, but we just don’t know how to find one. Everyone on craigslist is either fake or has some sort of insane insecurity issue. We’re considering adultfriendfinder, but you have to pay for it, which isn’t a problem for us other than the possibility of feeling like dbags if we paid for it and still weren’t successful…and we’re just not sure how reliable adultfriendfinder would be. Any suggestions? Thanksss!

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77 Answers

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I’m amazed that you can post this Q so openly… and not already feel like dbags.

frustratedgirl's avatar

Geez, why? What’s the big deal? Get over yourself… not everyone cares about maintaining ridiculous social standards they disagree with. We’re fine with wanting a threesome.

wundayatta's avatar

Hire a hooker. Use an escort service.

frustratedgirl's avatar

Well that’s something we might do at some point, but that wasn’t what we were going for right now…

mrentropy's avatar

Willing to research question, etc…

Anyway, never been in the situation, but I would check with any local swinging groups that are in the area of where you’re going. If there is one.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

@CyanoticWasp This is fluther, she can ask what ever she wants and not feel like an idiot. thanks for the lame response

wundayatta's avatar

Or, if you want a little challenge, go to a bar of club, and see if you can pick someone up. From what I have heard, if the woman is there to make the contact, and seduces the other woman, when the guy is introduced, it’s not a big deal.

As they say, “Get a room!”

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Of course… you just want someone who’s “hot” ... and “cheap”. For the price of a few drinks, I’m sure you can find exactly what you want to live down to your cheap-ass “standards” (using the term entirely tongue-in-cheek).

frustratedgirl's avatar

@mrentropy, yeah, the problem with swinging groups is that the majority of the people in them aren’t exactly young or attractive… and they’re mostly couples looking for full swap, which we’re not really into. We just want a single girl.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@CyanoticWasp, sorry you’re no fun.

jonsblond's avatar

If you are young and attractive, you may have luck at a strip club. I went to one with my husband when I was in my late 20s, and one of the strippers was very fond of me. (I’m a girl). She even asked to kiss me when we were in the parking lot leaving. (She left at the same time as us. )I had a good feeling she was up for more than a kiss. It’s worth a shot, you never know.

dpworkin's avatar

Soon Japanese technology will have solved this problem. You are surely not the only sexually adventurous couple with no social skills. Robots oughta take care of that!

lillycoyote's avatar

Probably not here. Aren’t there about a million sites on the internet to find sex, sexual images, sexual chat, sexual partners of any kind to do anything? How hard can it be? (no pun intended). Maybe you should try a sex club or some kind of swingers group in your local area, at least meet the person.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@jonsblond, yeah, totally! We’ve done that before! Amazing how much the strippers love the girlies… But this time we were curious about trying a random person online.

Symbeline's avatar

I’m sure there’s places like that online which allow one to search for people interested in this. Not sure what they would be, but maybe paying for some of the services would be good, so in this case you have more chances of meeting someone who’s serious, instead of freaky Craiglist emos haha.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@dpworkin, oh shush, just because we wanna try this out doesn’t mean we don’t have social skills.

jaytkay's avatar

I dunno. It’s so difficult to find young attractive females offering sex via the internet. A needle in a haystack.

njnyjobs's avatar

@frustratedgirl you say: want to have a threesome with a random girl in the city we’re visiting. Only requirement is that she’s hot.

How about being disease free? Are you going to throw the chance of picking-up herpes or other STD by being so random with this activity to the wind?

Go to Nevada and visit one of the brothels there. They’re pretty much medically screened periodically and for the money, someone’s bound to get into the mix.

wundayatta's avatar

@frustratedgirl Just out of curiosity—have you had any offers from guys here? Girls? If any, how many?

frustratedgirl's avatar

@njnyjobs, condoms exist for this reason. While we’d never use them in our relationship, my boyfriend will certainly be wearing one for the random girl… but regardless, our std cleanliness has nothing to do with this question and is none of your business. And stds are no more likely in this situation than in any other random hookup. Stick to the question at hand, thanks.

Also, we’re not going to Nevada at the moment… that’s something for another time. This question was specifically about finding a girl for a threesome online in a random city.

janbb's avatar

@frustratedgirl I think you’re barking up the wrong tree on this site.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@janbb, well this seemed to be a diverse group of people, so I thought it might be worth a shot if anyone happened to have insight or experience in this realm.

wilma's avatar

Does anyone else think that this kind of activity might be dangerous?
I can’t imagine being that reckless, is it just me?

@ frustratedgirl I hope that you and your boyfriend don’t regret this.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@wilma, we’re good, thanks.

janbb's avatar

@frustratedgirl You may have found the one issue we all agree on!

Buttonstc's avatar

I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but the vast majority of women ( especially if they’re good looking) just aren’t desperate enough for sex to be wanting a random threesome. That’s just a fact of life.

It bears a relationship to a similar question about why it’s usually only men who are willing to pay for sex. Most women (if they are good looking) just aren’t that desperate for sex.

Why would an attractive woman ( who could pretty much have her pick of the cream of the crop of whichever sex she desires) be desperate enough to pay for it or to be part of a threesome.

Its just not logical. That’s reality.

You’re having difficulty because threesome are far more a male fantasy than a female one. I’m not saying that there are no females. Just few and far between.

Just find a high class escort service and find your hearts desire.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Oh, my holy cow!

laureth's avatar

If you’re going to a city of moderate to large size, see if they have a local “alternative” newsrag. (In Southeastern Michigan, we have the Metro Times, for example.) Usually in the back there will be personal ads for people into all sorts of things.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@Buttonstc, desperate enough to be part of a threesome? Some girls wanna try it out! Girls have sexualities too, you know…

frustratedgirl's avatar

@laureth, best suggestion yet, thanks!

wundayatta's avatar

@Buttonstc I hate to break it to you, but there are plenty of female sex addicts out there. When you add the women who don’t think much of themselves and are looking for any human warmth they can find, and the bipolar women who are acting out in order to feel better, there are plenty of women who want to do this kind of thing, even with strangers.

Personally, I think it would be much more fun with someone you knew and cared about, but that’s just me.

I still think that giving yourself the challenge of picking one up would make the hunt that much more worthwhile. Putting an ad in a paper—just takes all the suspense out of it.

frustratedgirl's avatar

and @Buttonstc, about the hooker thing, that was already suggested above, and sure that’s something we could easily do. There are tons of ways we can have threesomes, but this time around, even beyond our regular sexual interest in the idea, we’re interested in this process of trying to find a girl for it online.

So to all of the other people suggesting other avenues for threesomes in general, these are all fine and things we’d be interested to do at some point, but not what we’re looking for (and asking advice about) at the moment.

laureth's avatar

@wundayatta = re: Putting an ad in a paper—just takes all the suspense out of it.

Not necessarily. There’s always the waiting and wondering if anyone will call back, and if someone does, seeing if she measures up to the high standard of “hotness” that this discriminating couple requires (and vice versa). ;)

dpworkin's avatar

I mentioned social skills, because at the time in my life when when I wanted to engineer a threesome with an attractive woman I never had much difficulty, and I’m no physical beauty like you two.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@dpworkin, I never said we had any difficulty engineering threesomes, other than when trying do so ON THE INTERNET IN A RANDOM CITY. Which is what this question was about.

gemiwing's avatar

I would try looking on online dating sites, honestly. Just mark your profile as that of a couple and choose ‘hookup’ or the equivalent. You’ll have to pour through piles of guys, but there might be a girl out there. Good luck.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@gemiwing, like what dating sites?

gemiwing's avatar

@frustratedgirl there are millions of them. try Plenty Of Fish, OK Cupid something like that.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@gemiwing, ok thanks, those sites seem more geared toward actual dating though, rather than random hookups…especially threesomes.

gemiwing's avatar

@frustratedgirl I suppose it would be all in how one worded their personal ad.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@gemiwing, right but the likelihood of there being girls on them actually looking for threesomes seems even lower than on actual hookup websites.

Buttonstc's avatar

Ok. Let me just clarify this with some real life info.

A good friend of mine whom I saw practically every day for years before she moved worked on a sexual fantasy telephone line and frequently shared her insights and experiences with me. It was truly fascinating.

They were extremely open minded and accepted calls from anyone male an female alike. They advertised (and meant it) that they handled everything. There were NO LIMITS. (except for pedophilia or child porn, of course)

And when I say everything else I really mean EVERYTHING.

So if there were any freaky women out there wanting threesomes they couldn’t have missed the ads.

In the five or six years she worked there, do you want to take a guess at how many women customers she dealt with ?

If you didn’t happen to notice, I didn’t say that there were no women desiring threesomes or that women aren’t sexual too.

I was just trying to clue you in to the fact that attractive women usually aren’t in the frame of mind to go responding to random ads, not knowing what’s on the other end, when they can have their pick of the cream of the crop anyplace they go.

They just aren’t desperate enough to endanger themselves needlessly for random hookups with strangers. I don’t know why that’s such a difficult concept for you to grasp.

You seem to forget that you have your boyfriend for security. The other woman would have no one.

Why would most women be willing to risk that?

There are a lot of weird people in this world. I’m not suggesting that you and your boyfriend have any harmful intentions at all.

The point I’m trying to make is that another woman would have no way to know this about you or anyone else.

She could handpick her own threesome if that’s what she desired. Why would she want to take that risk with random strangers on the Internet?

Don’t blame me for the obvious fact. Attractive women have the option of any sexual configuration they want to put together. They are not desperate enough to resort to random (possibly dangerous) strangers on the Internet. It’s just not logical.

Don’t make the mistake of shooting the messenger. I was just trying to drop you a clue.
Don’t read into my stating of the obvious. That’s all I was stating. Not passing judgement upon you for your desires.

However, in my judgement, you’re being a bit naive and ignoring the realities of life.

Threesomes are overwhelmingly a HUGE MALE FANTASY. The few women who also desire this are perfectly capable of arranging their own handpicked participants rather than submitting to the possible dangers from random Internet contacts.

SAFE, SANE. and CONSENSUAL is the basic motto of all sensible adventurous kinky people because it ensures that they will live to play another day. Notice which word comes first, please.

gemiwing's avatar

@frustratedgirl I don’t really condone what you’re doing, but in the spirit of Fluther I thought I’d offer up a suggestion. Do with it what you will. I’m really not all that comfortable helping you, beyond a suggestion, to find another set of breasts and a hole for the weekend. I hope you find ‘her’ and that you are all safe and have a lovely time.
ETA, that sounds a bit rough typed out. I’m sorry for that, yet it’s how I feel. I hope you take it in the accepting of your choice manner I’m coming from.

wilma's avatar

Exactly @Buttonstc You clarified what I was thinking.
Sounds very dangerous and risky to me.

mrrich724's avatar

Why does everyone feel like they are so important that they need to log into fluther and get on these questions and add how much they disagree with you?

Do any of you who think this is bad see anywhere in the question where she asked you, or where she made the statement that she gave a shit?

Why can’t people just write about the questions with something useful to answer, or at least to provide entertainment? But why go on and pass judgement? (this is @CyanoticWasp , and anyone else who added a similar comment, sorry, I don’t feel like reading every single one, but this isn’t just for you wasp)

I know I’m being self defeating by writing this, but it’s something I wonder. And I’m sure many agree.

Silhouette's avatar

Oooo Ooooo I know! Eeny, meeny, miny, moe .

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Since so many have taken me to task on why I decided to be such a wet blanket (because after all, this is Fluther, and it’s not like we don’t ask and answer sex questions, and turn every Q that we can into a flirt session or series of more or less smutty jokes):

I’m opposed to people taking advantage of the good nature of this community by coming here to ask us how to pimp for them… with their very first question. Wonderful. And because most of the people here do try to be helpful… then y’all give great advice about how to get her to pimp for her alleged boyfriend.

I don’t care if everyone here has threesomes, foursomes or moresomes, and I won’t even ask whether you keep it within the same species. I flat don’t care. I do hate that forever more anyone who wants to Google “how do I find a quick, cheap, throwaway punch for my boyfriend and me?” will find a whole thread of answers in Fluther. I don’t mind trading smutty jokes with my buds, but I don’t want to invite all of the other lowlifes (the ones I don’t know yet) to invade us with questions on “where can I join NAMBLA in my area?” and the other questions that “these types” (since that’s all they’re apparently here for) will generate.

Rant over. Thread abandoned. Again.

Parrappa's avatar

@CyanoticWasp, strange, I always thought Fluther was for asking questions, regardless of the topic at hand.

syz's avatar

[mod says] Let’s stay on topic, please.

Arisztid's avatar

@frustratedgirl I think you are going to have problems finding one online.

I think that @laureth has the best suggestion with the alternate newsrag.

Bit of OT: I would like to suggest a few things to you:
1) when you find one, meet her somewhere public first. Even with that, you are going to take a risk since she shall be a stranger but that will lessen the danger.
2) bring a dental dam for you and her if you are going to exchange bodily fluids (this is not a NSFW question so am not going into it).

If this was wrong of me to go OT here, my apologies and I shall not be offended at all if this is deleted.

That being said… go have safe fun!

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jazmina88's avatar

there r 2 websites where you can get to know people. I forget one, the other is swinglifestyle.com.

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Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Many “adult” paraphernalia shops have bulletin boards. Ask the store keeper in each such store to put up a message on your behalf.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@Arisztid, ok, I didn’t think dental dams were ever even discussed outside of highschool sex ed, but really now, if anyone ever tried to pull out a dental dam and put it on a girl’s vagina to eat her, I think any girl’s immediate response would be “I’m leaving…now.” Very unsexy and offensive.

We are planning to meet her in public first anyway… just to grab some drinks and enjoy conversation before heading back to our hotel room.

@jazmina88, yeah, we had looked into that one, unfortunately, it’s very similar to most swing stuff, in that it’s mostly couples rather than single girls, and the people on it are not young and attractive.

@Dr_Lawrence, also a great idea, thanks!

Anyway…we finally got a very promising craigslist response from a really hot (and classy-looking) girl who thinks we’re hot too. So I guess we’ll see how this goes!

Buttonstc's avatar

“Very unsexy and offensive”

Since when did safety become offensive. I never got the memo.

This is for the benefit of younger folks who may be reading this since I have little hope of penetrating your assumptions.

These are the FACTS. Oral sex is a viable route for the transmission of various SEXUALLY transmitted DISEASES.

Ghonorrhea, Syphillis, Herpes, NGU and Oral Yeast Infection are just the highlights of the smorgasboard of of diseases which can be acquired through performing oral sex. IT’S NOT A FAIRY TALE. these FACTS are from documented studies.

If some random Internet stranger got “offended” by my partner or I pulling out a thin latex barrier, then they could just march their offended little self right out the door.

And if you get offended by them wanting to use protection for orally pleasuring you then you are being a predatory moron. Yes, you read that correctly. I said predatory and I mean it.

Sexy or unsexy is totally a matter of perspective. How many women have ended up with an unplanned pregnancy because they allowed the guy to talk them out of protection on the grounds of “unsexy”.

That’s why intelligent sexually adventurous (kinky or freaky) people adopt the motto of SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL.

They fully and freely want to enjoy all the pleasures that sex has to offer and live a long happy life to continue doing the same without being hampered by nasty diseases which can be a bummer and a lot more TRULY UNSEXY than any little thin piece of latex ever could possibly be.

But if you want to be a moron about it, you deserve what you get. And if your predatory lack of concern for the welfare of others is your modus operandi in sexual encounters, we here can’t be your conscience.

To any teens or sexually inexperienced younger folks reading this thread, here’s a free little bit of advice. However “hot” these dimwits proclaim themselves, there is NOTHING either hot or sexy about spreading stds or leaving yourself open to picking one up from random strangers. That is just plain STUPID.

It is entirely possible to be BOTH SEXY AND SAFE. You can’t tell just by looking at somebody whether someone is carrying an STD. Just because they “look clean” means nothing.

There is nothing the least bit sexy about STUPIDITY. if you are going to hook up with random strangers, protect yourself and don’t allow anyone to intimidate you by playing the “unsexy” or “offended” card. That’s just manipulation, pure and simple.

It’s total bullshit and don’t fall for it. There are plenty of others out there who have enough respect for themselves and you to play it SAFE. it doesn’t make you a wuss. It indicates how smart you are choosing to be.

You don’t have to take my (or anyone else’s ) word for it. Do your own research. Make you own decisions. Don’t follow the examples of dimwits telling you sexual safety isn’t important. Be smart about it.

Arisztid's avatar

@frustratedgirl Well, I regret having come in here to be supportive with all of these people roasting you. I can be easily described as “kinky” and am, in fact, polyamorous. I got a very early start on sex, am bisexual, and hardly vanilla. Furthermore, after all of this time I am disease free… I have never had an STD do not have HIV or HEPc despite being highly active in the 80s (and before).

If you want to reach my age without diseases you just might want to rethink your position on unsafe sex.

Go ahead and forget what I know works. I hope you do not catch and transfer disease. @Buttonstc said all that I would have said and I do not think that you care, so I am not wasting my time with you.

Do what you want.

Keysha's avatar

@frustratedgirl If you want advice, the best thing you can do is not criticize when someone tries.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@Keysha, I wasn’t asking for std advice or for advice about how to have threesomes in other ways. The only thing I asked for advice on was how to find a threesome on the internet.

frustratedgirl's avatar

@Silhouette, ? Did you read the question details or my above responses?

Silhouette's avatar

Yes, but I missed the part where you said all the Craigs list girls were insecure fakers. How could you tell? I found one and she didn’t seem like an insecure phony to me. Here’s her ad “I am cute, cool, sexy, have toys, will come visit you and be discreet. You should be fun, open-minded, can host me today, cute, smart and want to have a good time with me! I will send pictures of me when I hear from you. I am going to be wearing a sexy little outfit and running some errands so get in touch with me and I will come over!”

frustratedgirl's avatar

@Silhouette, I meant the people that responded to us. I know they were insecure or a fake because:

- fake: they are spam that says “omg find me on this site and we’ll talk there!”
– insecure: they write a long insane message about all of their stipulations and jealousy issues they are worried about

BUT, if you look a few posts above, you will see that we actually just received a promising craigslist post from a hot girl. So hopefully that will work out.

Silhouette's avatar

@frustratedgirl Cool. Have a good time.

jonsblond's avatar

@Silhouette Are you sure that wasn’t Chris Hansen? ;)

Keysha's avatar

@frustratedgirl I’m sorry to inform you of this, but this is Fluther. Once you ask the question, the answers are up to the others who come to this site. If you want absolutely specific answers, with only the criteria you demand, and nothing else, perhaps you should take out an ad somewhere, instead of going to a site like this. This site is made what it is by the member’s participation. No one person or even a group of people, have the right or ability to restrict other’s postings, except those that work for the site.

Silhouette's avatar

@Silhouette Don’t know, I didn’t ask for her id, I just read the ad. For all we know it could be a 600lb bed bound man with a dunlap and smelly armpits

whatthefluther's avatar

Oh yes, craigslist is the way. Good luck to you.
See ya…..Gary/wtf

EtherRoom's avatar

“However “hot” these dimwits proclaim themselves, there is NOTHING either hot or sexy about spreading stds or leaving yourself open to picking one up from random strangers. That is just plain STUPID.”

Good answer

tigerlilly330's avatar

@frustratedgirl—did you have any luck? I’m in a very similar position and it has been incredibly difficult. I even have two paid online memberships (for about a month now) to adult meetup sites and can’t believe how hard it’s been. If you were successful it will give me hope!

El_Cadejo's avatar

Most major cities have at least one swinger club. I would look in that direction over the interwebs.

Ajulutsikael's avatar

I’m currently researching this topic as well. I won’t get into all the details of the risks and what not seeing as people have already gone into them, but I found this site which is highly recommended.
Kasidie

Wish you luck and let me know how it all worked out.

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harley54's avatar

To Seeker: I am a 54 year old male that has been fortunate to have been with some awesome women.I understand that the disease issue is something that you are not worried about.The best way to do this is to have your girlfriend get one of her girlfriends.If that is not an option,then find a nice bar or club.Your best chance of this happening in a single night with someone you don’t know, is having your girlfriend seduce the women you choose.Your girlfriend should know how to seduce a man,so she should not have any trouble picking up a women.I have had the opportunity to experience this quite a few times.I have personally found being with someone that everyone is comfortable with and not having any issues,is a experience that you remember for the rest of your life.Good luck and I honestly hope that you and her find what your looking for.

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