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some1's avatar

How should I handle a local temptation while in a long distance relationship?

Asked by some1 (25points) January 6th, 2010

Ok, so I have been going out with a girl for about 2 years now. It is a long distance relationship, not ridiculously long distance, we are about 70 miles apart. We typically can synchronize schedules a few times a month to see each other. I have been unflinchingly faithful to her. A new girl started at the place I work who is very attractive and flirty with me. She managed to get my phone number during a lunch break food ordering ordeal and had been occasionally texting me ever since somewhat flirtaciously, I tried to respond as dryly and plainly as I could. A few nights ago I was at a party and got outrageously drunk. I hadnt planned on this so I couldnt drive home. It was about 3am, she was getting off work and texted me. I needed a ride so I asked her and she agreed. Once back at my house she asked to use the bathroom. I let her come in. She came out completely naked and started kissing me on the neck. I think I may have enjoyed it a little but I did quickly tell her I couldn’t, and that I was too drunk for her to be around. I feel terrible about it, I’m afraid that she might come see me again because now she knows where I live, I don’t know what to do, should I tell my girlfriend?

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19 Answers

frdelrosario's avatar

By getting out of the long distance relationship.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You need to tell the flirty girl that you are in a relationship with someone that you care about, and that you expect her to respect that, because you’re not the kind of guy that would cheat on his girlfriend, and that, having told her that, would never be interested in someone that would deliberately try to get you to cheat on her.

That’s pretty skanky of her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

No one can force you to cheat.

wundayatta's avatar

There’s also no need to tell your girlfriend about it. It would only worry her, and there’s nothing to worry about.

aprilsimnel's avatar

First, though, suss out what it is you honestly want and what that would be worth to you. Then do what you know you need to do either way.

Holden_Caulfield's avatar

I agree that no one can force you too cheat… it is of your own free will and most likely stem from no fulfillment of current LD relationship, or issues you have with self stemming from past. You need to be straight up with LD and tell her of your ambivilance and suffer consequences, or break it off and pursue other with vigor. Regardless, you need to be true to self, do the right thing by all people involved, and move forward. It all starts with what YOU want… and then the steps to achieve that are simple, tried, and true.

chyna's avatar

Do you just want to have sex with a girl that would come into your place and strip at 3 a.m. and lose a relationship you have built on for 2 years? If this girl can come in and be willing to sleep with you at 3 a.m. without having dated you at all, who else has she done this with? Is this the kind of girl you see yourself with? If not, tell her straight up that you are in a relationship and stop texting her and tell her to stop texting you.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

You either care for your current girlfriend or not… simple as that.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

There will always be temptations in life. You have to stay strong and resist the urge. Think of it this way: You’re on a diet. You have stuck to this diet and never gave in to any yummy but very fattening desserts. Sure, it’d be satisfying for the moment. But when you finish stuffing your face with that Twinkie, you’re going to really regret it. You’re going to kick yourself for giving in and realize that stupid Twinkie wasn’t worth it!

Jharty89's avatar

Well, your a guy and you cant see your girlfriend too often, so of course you enjoyed it a little! But you really have to decide if this girl is worth breaking your relationship. Personally, she seems pretty intense… If I was your girlfriend and you told me that id freak! So I dont think thats the best idea, especially since you didnt do anything. You also have to consider that this girl might not want anything but benefits, so if you lose your g/f for her then you could just end up being back to single. I say if you truly want to stay with your girlfriend, you should avoid this chick or be real straight up with her and tell her thats not at all what you wanted.

Silhouette's avatar

I wouldn’t do anything until I figured out if I enjoyed it a little bit or not? lol Here I’ll try to help you, did it make you happy in your pants? No? You didn’t enjoy it.

warribbons's avatar

be a man, do the right thing

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

@PandoraBoxx gave you excellent advice.
Despite your drunken state you did the right thing and resisted the opportunity to cheat.
You have to really care about the woman with whom you have a long-distance relationship.

You acted honourably and respected your relationship so you have nothing to explain and there is no point worrying her.

Corey_D's avatar

You definitely have to tell your girlfriend. Honesty is important in any relationship but the ability to trust each other is twice as important when it is long distance. It would be a huge mistake to try and hide it from her, even if she gets really upset hearing it.
Also, if you care deeply about this relationship, and I assume you do if you’ve been together that long, then you have to let the other woman know that and then stay away from her as much as possible.

Nullo's avatar

The classic approach to avoiding temptation is just that: avoiding it. In this case, I suggest you be firm, even brusque, about your commitment to the first lady.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@Corey_D, I disagree about telling the girlfriend. There is nothing to be gained by telling her, because nothing happened. The only reason to tell is if there is intention to follow through, then telling her would be a prelude to breaking up.

Telling her would create a crossroads in the relationship. She will either not trust you, or you will have to advance the commitment of the relationship. If you’re not interested in breaking up, and not interesting in moving the relationship to a new level, and nothing happened, then the outcome of the experience would be, “Wow. This person is really forward and pushy. Am I the kind of person that would cheat on a relationship if I had the chance? Nope, guess I’m not!” You would not earn a gold star from a girlfriend by saying, “Guess what, honey! I was drunk and had a naked coworker in my apartment at 3 am, and I did not cheat on you!” All women will hear is “I was drunk and had a naked coworker in my apartment at 3 am.” There is no purpose in telling unless you are, in fact, interested in being involved with other people.

Corey_D's avatar

@PandoraBoxx I see what you are saying but I have to disagree. Something did happen. It wasn’t this guy’s fault, but it happened and his girlfriend has a right to know. At least if you tell her then you were open and honest. If you don’t say anything and she eventually finds out anyway then you’ve probably completely lost her trust. If this happened to my girlfriend then I would expect her to tell me about it and so I would do the same for her.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Nothing did happen. Should be telling her that he looked at a Victoria’s Secret catalog and secretly wished that she looked like the models in there? That he flirts with the barista in the morning when he stops to get coffee, and she knows his name?

If he was married or engaged to her, I would agree that he should tell her. But they’re dating. Long distance. This is a pre-commitment relationship. The only value telling has is if he intends to act on the advances of the aggressive coworker, and then he needs to break up with his girlfriend before doing so. It is only important to the relationship if he intends to cheat on her, or if the incident makes him want to move the relationship to the next level. Telling her without a specific reason for telling her will only create distrust on her part, and will sour the relationship.

Perhaps this discussion should move to a separate question.

bean's avatar

local girl slut

2 year relationship… do you really want to throw that away?

Girlfriend…. if she has been faithful, she’s a keeper and what the hell are you thinking!!!

It’s more like your looking for a convenient some one to just have close by to have sexy time with…. use your head more… you can figure out whats most important to you!

I think this one slip up almost costed you… or thats if your girlfriend still wants you after you tell her…

to tell her or not is up to you… if you know this is nothing and you want her to be happy and not become paranoid I’d say, never ever let it happen again and tell this other girl to get the hell away… or tell your girl friend and let her decide what she wants now…

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