General Question

ducky_dnl's avatar

Should I delete my dad from my Facebook?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) November 11th, 2010 from iPhone

Okay, my dad recently decided to come into my life and be “super dad”... Or so I call him. I thought I would add him to my Facebook to be nice to him. I don’t like my dad and I’m not on good terms with him. Well, he monitors my Facebook. He called me up one day yelling at me because he thought some old guy was hitting on me. My friend was a girl and was just asking how I had been. I’m 18 now. I can do whatever I want and I really feel like telling him off. He also calls if he thinks I’m depressed. The guy hasn’t been in my life and I don’t think he should have any say now. I feel like I can’t put out what I want to say because he’ll read it. This is taking away my outlet so I can talk to my friends. I’ve seriously even considered deleting my account because of it, but I won’t. What should I do?

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30 Answers

Seaofclouds's avatar

What about just restricting what he can see that you and your friends post? Then he can still keep in touch, but you have control over what he sees?

ducky_dnl's avatar

@Seaofclouds I don’t know how to do that, tbh. :(

jlm11f's avatar

I have a “no parents as FB friends” rule. I explained this to my parents prior to them even getting accounts. I told them they’re not my “friend” and so I cannot honestly accept them. They understood and never tried to add me. I should mention that I have a good relationship with my parents.

If I were you, I’d remove him and explain nicely why. There needs to be a distinction between parent and friend. It’s different if you were underage and had an account there, that would make more sense for him to monitor your presence.

mrlaconic's avatar

I agree with @PnL – I have a no parents rule (including older family member aunts / uncles etc). My brothers are on there and thats enough for me. But if you decide to keep him I second @Seaofclouds – it’s really easy now to just add people to groups and restrict what they can see.

Seaofclouds's avatar

You go to privacy settings, then customize settings. Once you hit customize settings, there will be a list of each this you can customize with a drop down menu to the right of it. Click on the drop down menu and select customize. A separate box will pop up. In the bottom of that box, it will say “hide this from” and have a block where you can type in your dads name. You can type in a persons name or a whole group (if you have divided your friends into groups). You’ll have to do this for each thing you want to block him from that’s listed on the customize page.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I have a fb for my friends and a separate one for family. Open up another for yourself using the same profile pic your dad is familiar with. Load up some acceptable pics and start hitting up family members. Delete your dad from your primary acct. and then add him to the new one.

chyna's avatar

I would delete him. You owe him nothing.

BarnacleBill's avatar

@ducky_dnl, if you don’t know how to use the privacy settings on social media, you need to learn how to if you intend to continue Using FB. Upper right hand corner > Account > Privacy Settings.

You divide your friends into lists, and set permissions by list.

Seaofclouds's avatar

@ducky_dnl Ohh, also a note just about blocking the things your dad sees, it won’t do any good if your profile isn’t set to private and only friends being able to see your stuff. If your FB is public and open to anyone, your dad would just need to sign out to see what you have posted.

Blueroses's avatar

It sounds like he’s using the relative safety of digital communication to overcompensate for not being involved in your life. My dad did the same. I don’t trust FB privacy settings one bit since they are prone to making changes without prior notification. If you want to keep in touch with him through social networking, @Neizvestnaya has the right idea.

Plucky's avatar

I don’t have a FB parents rule. But I agree with @Neizvestnaya and @Blueroses if you are concerned.

JLeslie's avatar

Along with what others have said you can go to your profile page and go to where you would write a status and just use the drop down at the right of the window your write in. It will let you block him from seeing your wall and status updates all together, but he will still be your friend. But, he still might get pissed whenhe figures out he can’t see everything anymore. I think this is the easiest way to block someone from your wall and updates, but it is true that if your other privacy settings let everyone see everything, you need to change those.

JLeslie's avatar

Also, before doing something that will be obviously trying to cut him out from this form of communication, why not calmly tell him it really upset you he assumed you were doing something innappropriate, and reassure him you understand that the internet can be a dangerous place, and know better not to post anything that can come back to haunt you. Calmly. I mean, he was worried about you, maybe give him a break.

Blueroses's avatar

@JLeslie The problem I ran into with that solution was with a mutual friend who did not set the privacy when responding to my posts. I can’t expect all my friends to adjust their usage to accommodate my preferences. Facebook used to have an effective way to separate groups of friends so they did not interact but it has moved towards less privacy.

Plucky's avatar

It may depend on where you live too. I believe the rules in Canada, regarding privacy on FB, are different than the USA.

JLeslie's avatar

@Blueroses yeah, I am pissed that when I comment on someone else’s status, and he has his setting for everyone to see, that my friends see my comment on his status in their news feed even when they are not friends with him. Really really really annoys me.

filmfann's avatar

Dump him.
Two of my kids are FB friends of mine, and my son isn’t. I have told them all not to add me if they are gonna say anything there that might upset me. It’s their lives, but I just don’t want to know some things.

kenmc's avatar

Yes, you should.

trailsillustrated's avatar

just unfriend him. so what. my daughter un friended me. so what. I never said anything about it.

phoebusg's avatar

You could do the smart thing and create a filter for him. So he can’t see your wall, comments, etc. But still be on your list. He’ll probably think it’s a bug at first :P Also, confront him later on.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Nah, don’t do it. Just learn how to use the privacy features to control what he sees. As annoying as some of his posts may seem, he is your father and this is his quirky way of reconnecting. The mature thing to do would be to talk to him in person about it, if possible. You may be considered by some, including your dad, as still young at the tender age of 18, but that doesn’t mean that you are an emotional mess or have no lick of common sense. Treat him as you would a peer.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Leave him up and ignore him. Let him see all the dirty little details of your life. He’s obviously desperately seeking your attention and approval. But the only way he knows how to get that is by passing unqualified judgements upon you. His loss. Just ignore him completely and that will absolutely torture him.

In this way, he gets to actually know his daughter, the true you, and isn’t that why he’s coming around now anyway?

In this way, in a little time, he will stop judging and begin respecting who you really are. Isn’t that what you would really like? You can always cut him later, but not before you’ve had some fun teaching him a helpful lesson by running a harmless little experiment.

First, your fallback position if it gets too hot is to say, “Dad! Did you come here to know the daughter you never knew, or did you come to judge the daughter you never knew… and still don’t”?

But here is where you can have some fun and do him some good at the same time. Ignore his comments but TALK OPENLY ABOUT HIM and your feelings about him toyour friends as if he’s not even there.

He will defend himself. Ignore him. He will apologize. Ignore him.

But eventually, over time, he will become quiet, get to know you for who you are, and finally offer you his approval and respect through compliment and praise. Then and ony then will you be on the road to reconcile with your father.

Your relationship took years to become what it currently is. Expect a bit of time to repair it.

Some of his effort may be out of guilt. That’s fine, we all have guilt. Time will tell if its genuine.

He comes to FB to get closer to the truth of his daughters life. He’s about to learn that TRUTH IS A MONSTER.

Blueroses's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies nothing more. you said it all.

dasterflock's avatar

seeing some of these answers,makes me wonder why so many of you have problems with what you obviously consider to be oldsters.while some of you seem like good people.others obviously have a problem with your parents or have an ‘oldsters’ problem or both which is really sad.bottom line is i suggest that if some one doesn’t want their dad to see their stuff that they just block him and start a new seperate account for family and add him to it.there’s no need to get sarcastic and all nasty about it.i see my son’s posts and pics in facebook and he knows it. i never comment about his party pics cause they’re typical binge drinking and party pics.i DO comment on the naked pics of females he adds to his wall though.he’s got good taste.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

This place is full of nasty sarcasm @dasterflock. Well not full actually, just a lot. Not really a lot, but some. Ok not all that many really. Alright alright, it’s just me. What’s your point?

augustlan's avatar

At some point, I think everyone should let their parents know who they really are… warts and all. And then say, “like it or not… this is me, and I don’t want to hear about it.” The same holds true in the reverse, too. Parents, as their children get older, should learn how to be open and honest with them. In this way, parent/child relationships can mature into adult friendships.

That said, 18 may be a little young for this to realistically happen. If you think that’s the case for you, by all means ‘unfriend’ him.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

It is a difficult moment when a child has to give the parent their first scolding. But one that most of us must face sooner or later.

perg's avatar

Don’t pussyfoot around with blocking this and that. Just drop him. Tell him he’s overstepping and when he can control himself, you’ll consider friending him again. You don’t owe him anything more than that simple explanation.

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