General Question

Hollister0221's avatar

Sex before marriage or after?

Asked by Hollister0221 (502points) April 5th, 2008 from iPhone
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

31 Answers

blippio's avatar

sex always before marriage but never after.

Hollister0221's avatar

very true. LOL. Why is it guys are always looking for something different? Are we just not meant to be monogomous?

ishotthesheriff's avatar

after marriage.

samkusnetz's avatar

both, please.

nocountry2's avatar

don’t you think women feel the same way?you get back what you put into things…. Pun intended

Hollister0221's avatar

I have read that women cheat more than they admit that they do.

nocountry2's avatar

I don’t know about that – I would never cheat on my partner, I think it’s a sign of a much larger issue that needs to addressed, rather than ignored – but I thinks guys are in the clouds if they think just because they are sexually frustrated or wanting variety their partner doesn’t too. It’s all about openly and honestly communicating your needs.

lovelyy's avatar

i say after. i wish i would of waited.

Hollister0221's avatar

who cheats more women or men? I read that women cheat more than they admit

jrpowell's avatar

Does it really matter? Sex is a normal thing people do. I guess I just don’t see it being that big of a deal.

susanc's avatar

Both, of course, but you have to have the right attitude: that it’s friendly and delicious
rather than a big setup for tragedy and blame.

ishotthesheriff's avatar

not that big of deal?
sex is when two people become one flesh, religion or not.
people have degraded sex into “a normal thing people do”

lovelyy's avatar

great answer ishotthesheriff! i completely agree with you 100%
people usually just have “casual sex” and sex is supposed to be
something wonderful with someone you love.

Alina1235's avatar

I say both. I’ve been with my husband for over 6 years, and we still enjoy each other very much. If you love each other and attracted to each other, it doesn’t matter if it’s before or after, it just never stops, and even gets better with time ;)

shared3's avatar

I disagree with ishotthesheriff and lovelyy. Sex is just sex. Humans are the only animals that put it on a pedestal. Most animals will do it in front of other people, will do it with different partners, etc. Monogamy and sex after marriage is due to evolution and human society. I’m not saying that’s bad tho…

Spargett's avatar

I say before. It’s certainly the smarter thing to do. But it’s up to the person what works best for them. The problem with attaching sex to marriage is that it changes people’s motivations for getting married.

All the Mormon people I know have, easily twice as many divorces than my non-religious aquantiances. Ironic isn’t? They’re also much more (generally) miserable people with deep rooted psychological issues. But now I’m straying off topic.

Clarky05's avatar

both if you love someone and they love you it is the best thing people can do to express their feelings of love and passion for each other. Sex can be labelled as “just sex” but it feels better and means so much more when you did it with someome who loves you and vice versa than just causual sex

breedmitch's avatar

This country won’t allow me to marry, so I guess only before.

ishotthesheriff's avatar

are you serious spargett? i’m pretty sure the reason mormons get divorced is because of the polygamy and how awful the men usually treat the women (i know a few mormons and it’s all i hear about)

it’s not about sex. so you’re saying it changes the motivation for getting married? right… so you mean to say having sex before marriage just to “test drive” isn’t the same kind of “motivation” you’re talking about?
my motivation to get married isn’t for the sex. it’s for love. truly.
animals do it like that b/c they’re…. guess what. ANIMALS.
oh hey evan, humans are animals too..
G-d is what separates us from animals.
sex is sacred.
love is sacred.
why do you think girls have a harder time after having sex with a guy they “love” than the guy does if things don’t go well after the sex?
pretty sure most animals don’t experience that.
animals have sex to reproduce.
we have sex for pleasure and reproduction and to show affection.
there’s other ways to show affection besides sex before marriage.
say… respect. communication. lust in other ways besides sex.

sex isn’t motivation for marriage. it can be seen as a gift or reward, but it’s definitely not what the marriage is about or for. it’s between you and your S.O. and just you and them. and that’s part of the reason why it’s so special.

maggiesmom1's avatar

I agree with ishotthesheriff and lovelyy. I believe that sex is meant to be within the context of marriage- that’s how God designed it. And, considering all the feelings that are associated with it, I find it difficult to believe that it’s just a biological rutting instinct.
I know that others feel differently – usually depending on their religious beliefs – but that’s how I view it because the Bible refers to it as “two becoming one”

shared3's avatar

Reading the last few responses, it is evident to me that whether you are religious (esp. Christian) plays a large role in people’s views.

Spargett's avatar


Mormons usually will not have sex until they are married. They don’t want to screw up their chance and becoming celestial gods. Therefor, they rush into marriage, which is driven by their lust. Then, only after they’re married they realize that maybe they just wanted to f**k this person more than they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Or that, “Wow, this person is really an asshole, I had no idea since I never lived with them or got to know them better”.

As far as the animal kingdom goes:

Different gender species have different motives when it comes to sex. Generally speaking, the males are trying to spread as much of their seed (genes) as possible. While the females are trying to find a suitor with not only the best genes, but in many species, a male who won’t abandon the female and her offspring, as well as offer protection, food, etc.

This is the same game humans play, only on a much more complicated and masked level. We’re no different, just more confused.

ishotthesheriff's avatar

just more confused?
haha okay, if you’re 13.

right… more confused? or more intelligent?
we have feelings for a reason.

bottom line:
you don’t know if you’re going to be with a person for the rest of your life. and when you wait to have sex with the one you’re married to (who you’re hopefully going to be with til death), then it makes things that much more special when they’re the only one you’ve given yourself to.
so, i say…
sex after marriage.
not sex for marriage like apparently every mormon does.

samkusnetz's avatar

@ishotthesheriff: i see it a different way. if you wait until marriage to have sex with someone, then you are necessarily discounting sexual compatibility as one of the measures by which you judge whether you and this person are good partners for life.

i think that sex is a significant element in a long term relationship. so much so, that if two people don’t get along in bed, they might not truly get along overall. i would hate to find that out after saying “i do”... how much harder would it then be to deal with the consequences?

ishotthesheriff's avatar

it’s called practice and communication. . .

samkusnetz's avatar

can’t practice something without doing it… no amount of communication in the world will be able to address an experience that you’ve never had!

ishotthesheriff's avatar

i meant after marriage… i thought you’d catch that since you were talking about after you were married. and since i’m obviously for sex after marriage.
no shit.

missbabyboo's avatar

its more likely before marriage but i think people should have waited til after marriage. because sometimes people will regret doing it before marriage and wished they would have saved it for their husband

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

I can’t imagine anyone in this day and age taking such a big commitment as marriage with someone that they haven’t even taken for a test-drive.

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