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15barcam's avatar

How do you turn down a guy that you like as a friend, but not like THAT?

Asked by 15barcam (751points) March 16th, 2011

Hes extremely sensitive.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

16 Answers

Seelix's avatar

Honesty is the best way to go. It might hurt his feelings, but in the long run, it’ll be better for him to just get over it and move on.

Phobia's avatar

You just have to let him know that you only want him as a friend and nothing more. You have to make sure he understands that, or else he’ll feel like there may still be a chance. Speak in a sensitive voice, but firmly.

seekingwolf's avatar

I’ve been in this position before.

Honesty is the best way. You need to be polite but firm with him.

If you don’t, he’ll just keep falling deeper for you and he’ll be even more hurt when you end up having to tell him no down the road. It’s best to be honest as early as possible to minimize the hurt.

After you tell him, move on. Don’t bring it up again. Let things go back to normal on your end. He can decide if he wants to make things “awkward” or not.

In my experience, things went fine, actually. He moved on from me and we resumed our friendship and it wasn’t awkward. I was just honest, upfront, and didn’t LET it be awkward, at least on my end.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you enjoy your friendship, but you don’t have any romantic interest in him, and that if he respects you he won’t press the issue.

DeanV's avatar

Politely. But please, do so. It’s selfish and cruel not to.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I would just tell him that you are not interested in him other than as a friend.

marinelife's avatar

Do not try to let him down too gently. Do not leave any room for him to misunderstand.

Just say, “Look I like you, but only as a friend. It will never be any other way for me.”

SeaTurtle's avatar

All of the above and also help to find him a partner.Don’t you have any friends or associates that may be into him?

cak's avatar

Politely, honestly and concisely. @marinelife has a great direct approach.

Kardamom's avatar

You have to be firm and honest and don’t leave him with the impression that he might have a chance somewhere down the line.

Just say something like, “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel the same way about you. I value your friendship, but I don’t feel the spark of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.”

Be prepared that he might ask you another question like, “How do you know how you will feel about me in the future if we don’t go out on a date?”

Then you might have to say something like, “Don, I think you’re very sweet, but I’m just not interested in dating you.” You are basically re-iterating what you already said, but not having to explain it to him.

Then be prepared that me might say something like this, “What’s wrong with me? Everytime I like someone, they never like me back. Don’t you think you could possibly love me at some point down the line? Am I that hideous?”

Then you might have to respond with something like, “Don, you’re not hideous. You just can’t force someone to feel something that they don’t feel. We’re friends, but just friends, and I hope you’ll be ok with that. Now howzabout us going for a bowl of ice cream?”

If you regularly see, text or e-mail this fellow, try your best not to avoid him on purpose, or else he will really feel hurt. That is, unless he shouts something mean at you or acts excessively weepy or forlorn, then you can back off a little bit. Good luck.

kitkat25's avatar

It is always best to be honest with the person. Let them know that you like them very much as a friend but you just don’t have any romantic feelings towards them.

Disc2021's avatar

I’ve been recycling this line: “I really think we’d make better friends than partners”. It’s direct, articulate and not overly brutal. The last thing I ever want to do is pick out a person’s faults and underline them – a cold, cruel thing you could do to someone.

Just be simple, kind and to the point. If he “doesn’t get it”, then you bring out the big guns.

Bellatrix's avatar

Gently but honestly. It is fairer to tell him the truth than leave him thinking “maybe she will change her mind”. Hopefully you are both good enough friends to get past this.

MajorDisappointment's avatar

You could, if you want to, help the guy by turning him on, to information, that will help him
mature into the kind of romantic man you would not be able to resist. Some guys would
appreciate being pointed in the right direction, where romance is concerned, others feel
that they know it all already, and would be offended, if you suggested there was more they
would be able to learn. I am old and set in my ways, but I learned and I enjoy reading the
material I receive for free, from signing up for e-mail information at the David DeAngelo
web site. You might eventually be very glad you helped this guy find missing information.

mattbrowne's avatar

Tell him about your girlfriend or your secret crush.

rebecca_harris9's avatar

i had to turn down a really good friend the other week and i didnt know how to do it but i finally built up the courage and went and spoke to him face to face and told him i couldnt cos i love him but im not inlove with him, then he wouldnt speak to me for the rest of that day and i thought i was loosing him but now we are closer then ever :)

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