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FoxRabbit's avatar

How do I get over my worries about my boyfriend?

Asked by FoxRabbit (1points) April 16th, 2011

I’ve been with my boyfriend now for about 5 months. We’re both on the same graduate program, and so have a lot in common that revolve around what we’re studying, but recently its been very full on so neither of us want conversation to purely revolve around it.
When we first got together it was pretty intense – after 2 weeks I had to leave to have an operation, and he was wonderful while I was away for 5 weeks – wrote me romantic letters, rang me all the time.
I know that the dynamic is going to change, but I’ve only ever been in really unhappy relationships before that never progressed so I’m not used to this. And I’m now consumed by the fear that we’ll break up over the 4 month summer period when we can’t afford to be together, particularly because due to our tiredness and lack of money to do things conversation topics are becoming thin on the ground.
Also despite us being very close and him being very loving, he hasn’t actually SAID that he loves me yet, and so I’m too scared to tell him how I feel.

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I’m worried that I’m worrying about a problem that I’m creating out of nothing. He’s still very sweet and attentive, but being a graduate program the last few months have been very stressful for both of us. I don’t want to convince myself that there’s a problem if there isn’t one.

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6 Answers

lookingglassx3's avatar

I don’t think there is a big problem here. I think because of your previous unhappy relationships, you’ve convinced yourself that you can’t find a happy relationship. I think this is a stressful time for you both. Try to meet up as much as possible during the 4 month summer period, and stay in touch, whether it be by phone, email, letters, etc. Also, let him know you appreciate his kindness and everything he’s done for you. Also, as for him not telling you he loves you; don’t worry about it. 5 months isn’t THAT long, when you think about it, and he clearly does feel strong affections for you but is probably waiting for the definite right time before he calls it love, which is a mature attitude to have. Just have fun while you can with him, before things get too stressful or before the summer; and make sure you’re there for him the way he’s been there for you! (:

FoxRabbit's avatar

Yeah you’re totally right, thank you so much :) I guess when you’ve only ever been in juvenile relationships its hard to see a calm mature approach as a good thing, which it definitely is.
I think the other worry really is the conversation issue – I’m having trouble with everyone! friends, family, which I’m sure is due to tiredness. So I hope he doesn’t think we’ve just run out of things to say to one another.

john65pennington's avatar

Here is an old saying that is as good today as it was many years ago…..“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

I totally believe you are worrying for nothing. If this guy did not love you, he would not still be around for you.

Tread water for a while and see what happens. If his love and your love is true, it does not matter what you talk about or discuss. Cupid has a way of making things work, IF its meant to be.

Stop worrying and enjoy each others company.

“Whatever will be…....will be”.

marinelife's avatar

You need to stop worrying and try to relax into the relationship.

As for your concerns about the summer, address them with him. Tell him that you have been concerned about the 4-month break and how to keep in contact. You can Skype each other. You will be able to talk about your days and what you are doing while you are apart.

Here is my one piece of advice for happy relationships: communicate.

Good luck.

mazingerz88's avatar

Not every great relationships have the words “I love you” exchanged in it. It would be sweet yet that moment has to occur naturally for it to be truly special. If you decide to say it first, be prepared if he does not say he loves you too. You love him and at that moment that is all that should matter. True love in my view, may want but not demand reciprocation. You have to give it unconditionally. That makes it really special.

Or if you wish, you could hold off and wait till he says it first. I know what your answer will be and believe me that is one moment you will never forget for the rest of your life. But the trick is just allowing things to proceed effortlessly. Like what that book said, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”.

But I could sense you maybe are just a bit anxious what with all the other things happening in your lives right now but try to focus more on the positive aspects. And do enjoy the mere hearing of each other’s voice when you don’t have money to do things and when you run out of topics to discuss, appreciate the silent moments between you. It could be the right time to just look at each other’s eyes. That may lead to another form of “sweet conversation” between you two. Good luck!

AllAboutWaiting's avatar

If everything is fine, just leave it and enjoy. Don’t put any pressure on when it isn’t needed, he may run if you start demanding TV type drama. It will slip out when the time is right, and you’ll know when that happens. If he wasn’t into you, you would feel it.

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