General Question

envidula61's avatar

How long a silence says it's over?

Asked by envidula61 (1011points) June 15th, 2011

In this day and age, the ways we can communicate are manifold. Text, IM, chat, phone, email, and even snail mail. If someone who says they love you until the end of time stops communicating with you, how much time would have to go by before you would admit that the relationship was over?

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19 Answers

rebbel's avatar

Don’t be too harsh the first days, he/she could have a power outage.
Plus there could be a plethora of reasons that i don’t know that could be causing this Incommunicado.

wundayatta's avatar

Two weeks, maybe only one, assuming there isn’t anything abnormal getting in the way, such as what @rebbel described. If it’s a deliberate silence, one week is enough. Two weeks if you’re not sure whether it is deliberate or not.

creative1's avatar

I say a week to a week and 1½ if you are seeing to the contrary that the SO has been online and is able to communicate, then there should be no reason for the silence.

mazingerz88's avatar

First of all I hope this person is not missing. Also, I don’t know what you are doing in your end whether you are calling frequently with no response or you are not calling at all and this person might be the one waiting for you to initiate communication.

josie's avatar

No standard exists that I am aware of.
But I guess that is why you asked.
One or two days would cover a technical problem such as lost cell phone or broken computer.
A week to ten days would cover most illnesses or injuries.
Three or four weeks would cover the US postal service.
I would say 4 weeks, and it is gone, baby, gone.

blueiiznh's avatar

If the person is ignoring you and being passive aggressive, then it may be best to be over.
If you are really concerned about their well being, reach out to someone that is close to them to ensure they are ok.
It sucks to be in that situation, but try to reach out in simple ways and then go about your life.
Good luck.

Judi's avatar

It would really depend on the communication before the silence. If you were talking several times a day and practically inseparable, then suddenly they stopped talking for 2 days it could be enough. If you talked every day on the phone but saw each other once a week it might be longer.

Hibernate's avatar

Give it some time for the water to clear a bit then see how things go.

Ltryptophan's avatar

Are they busy? Is the last commo “me and you, till the end of time”?

Is the last commo “I’ll call you

If it were me I’d find out. I’m a big boy and I need headlines not obscure personal ads!

_zen_'s avatar

He went back to his wife.

LuckyGuy's avatar

…and she said “Cut it off! Now!”

Kardamom's avatar

Could you give us some more details about what was going on before the communication stopped and how long he hasn’t spoken to you?

Did you guys talk, text, phone or e-mail everyday (or how often)?

What did he say to you (and by what media did he say it) last time you were in communication?

Did he sound desperate, agitated or angry or worried the last time you were in communication?

I would say to you, try not to panic at this moment. If you haven’t tried to call or e-mail or text him since your last communication, he may indeed be waiting for you to contact him. Some people are just like that.

And another possibility is that if he is poor (lost his job, going throgh a bankruptcy or foreclosure) he may have had his phone/computer service cut off temporarily. One of my close friends is going through that and she has no means of communication at the moment. I have to drive over to her house if I want to talk to her and she lives 40 miles from me.

If I were you, I would send (by whatever method you generally use with this fellow) a very brief, but slightly worried sounding message like, “Evan, I’m beginning to get a little worried that something has happened to you, or that I have done something wrong. I haven’t heard from you in X amount of days and we had been talking every day and I assumed everything was going great. Please just send me a note or an e-mail or give me a call. I don’t mean to disturb you, but I need to know what is happening to find out if you need any help or if I can make amends in any way.”

At that point, I would give it a week. Then if you really do think that there might be some type of foul play, you could try contacting one of his friends (or his family if you know them well enough). I think you probably have an idea in your head what might have happened (such as him going back to an old flame, or simply breaking up with you by ignoring you if you know that you two were having problems) If you truly weren’t having any problems that you are aware of, you could actually have the police do a check up on his house. One of my female friends dropped all contact with a bunch of us a few months ago, we knew her husband was kind of a weirdo, so that’s what we did and it turns out that the weirdo husband was isolating her and mentally abusing her. Her family is planning an intervention as we speak to go and try to get her to leave. This is probably not the case with your boyfriend, but is there a possibilty of some type of fowl play that might require the police?

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Pandora's avatar

If this is the same guy you wrote about twice and said it was a friend and then kind of indicated it was yourself. I could only hope he went back to his wife and its time to let him go.

envidula61's avatar

First of all, these questions are not about me. Some of them have some of my experience in them, and others don’t.

In this particular case the separation is for a good reason having to do with travel and being out of the country. The problem is that things have been blowing hot and cold. It is a volatile situation with a lot of miscommunication and tension. So, while it is possible to make an effort to communicate, so far, no efforts have been made.

Prior to this the couple spent 45 minutes on the phone each day and then texted and emailed each other the rest of the day, as they could. They are very into each other, and also very prone to strong emotional reactions that are not always sensible.

Their agreement was to not communicate for two weeks, except if one or the other couldn’t stand it. Their relationship had been extremely close before this.

For a variety of reasons, it is not clear if continuing the relationship is a good idea. So they might not pick up at the end of the two weeks, even if they still want to. It’s a tortured situation and I can’t explain it to you. They drive me nuts. The one I know better is pretty upset with the uncertainty about the future, and feels reduced to reading tea leaves.

Thus, I ask this question on their behalf. I’m sure I’ve raised more questions than answers, but the answers have been helpful so far. I know the devil is in the details, but I’m not sure details can really help as much as guestimates.

Seaofclouds's avatar

If they agreed to go two weeks without contact, that makes things a lot different. It’s not just one ignoring the other, per se.

For me, it would just depend on the situation. In my relationship, we’ve had times when we couldn’t be in contact for extended periods due to different situations, so just not talking alone wouldn’t mean the end of our relationship in those situations.

Obviously there is a lot more going on in your friend’s relationship, so it’s hard to say if it’s over with this two weeks of no contact or if it’s something that will work out. Only your friend can decide if they can accept this as part of their relationship.

Kardamom's avatar

These two statements: They are very into each other, and also very prone to strong emotional reactions that are not always sensible and this one: It’s a tortured situation and I can’t explain it to you. Makes it pretty clear that they should not be together because one or both of them are not mature enough to be in a relationship. Just because people think that they are in love, that in and of itself is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship. There has to be respect, common goals, mutuality of purpose and plain old common sense. Passion and lust are good too, but not if those are the only things a couple shares.

Note: in my previous statement, I asked whether there might be some “fowl” play involved. Hopefully that is not the case, unless they are keeping chickens in the back yard. What I meant to say was “foul” play.

broughtlow's avatar

The way my mind and heart work it would have been like this – “If someone who says they love me until the end of time stops communicating with me” then they were a liar from the moment they said that so I’ve been living a lie from that moment until the first day i was not important enough to include in life! There would not be a day two.

stacymalibu78's avatar

I guees it depends on you, how long would you like to keep waiting or hoping someone will come back. It can take as long as you want. Maybe she/he meant it in the moment and then something happend that made him/her realized you werent the one. Did something happend before that? If it did it would important to know. How well did you know her/him? People can play you, there are people who go on life like that, but is you knew her well enogh then it was because you were asking to much and she/he felt compromise to give you an answer or she did. It must had happend something to change her mind. Have to try talking to her? Maybe she was scared. It can be a million factors. If you want to contact her, do it but just once.. then let it rest and move on. Silence is better than words. It can tell so many things. Humans see what they want to see. Let it go, if you ever want to feel better, let it go.. sonner or latter it depends on you. Have a nice life, my friend.

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