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Londongirl's avatar

How to make a guy want to have a relationship with you?

Asked by Londongirl (1880points) July 26th, 2011

Another relationship questions people, so how to make a guy want to have a relationship with you?

Most guys I have dated just want casual and not really committed. Then I heard some stories that they did want to committ with some ex before. What I like to know is what these girls do to make a guy want to have a relationship with her?

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35 Answers

Schroedes13's avatar

Great question. If you ever find a complete and reliable answer, you can make millions. The best way is to be yourself. If they are the right guy for you, you’ll know it and they’ll be inebriated with you!

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Londongirl's avatar

Thanks Schroedes for your reply. But I mean there must be somthing that guys generally glue into someone to want to have a relationship with. It could be personality or look or other things.

I met this guy we got on well but now we are friend (we did sleep together a few weekends), he told me he still missed his ex when he was drunk. Why some guys love some girls so much?

Schroedes13's avatar

It all depends on the lad! Where they are in their life, their maturity, what they’re looking for in their lass, etc. There are so many factors. Once again, just be confident in yourself and who you are. That is probably one of the most attractive things to a guy. A confident woman is a great enticement!

Londongirl's avatar

In what way confident? Like the girl can show the guy she can move out when he doesn’t give her what she wants?

msbcd's avatar

You can’t make a guy want to have you. There’s nothing more to it. You wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t value or respect you. You’ve got to respect yourself more and move forward. I believe that in order for love to exist, both parties in the relationship need to contribute towards it. So if being yourself doesn’t do the trick then it’s not meant to be.. that’s my advice :)

blueiiznh's avatar

What kind of relationship are you looking for?
Long term? Summer fling? Friends with no benefits? Friends with benefits? Stalker?

You can’t force anything. You have to be yourself and when someone takes interest you will know what type of relationship you want or will start with.
Friends first?
Hot wild monkey love?
You realy never know what you will find on your journey!

Londongirl's avatar

msbcd: Its not about respecting myself, it is more about why some guys want a relationship with one girl but not the other…

Blue: Well, I know what I want but sometimes it is timing too, when he’s still missing his ex but like me enough, he wants to be freind but not a exclusive dating… then I think why he is still missing his ex.

tom_g's avatar

@Londongirl: “How to make a guy want to have a relationship with you?”

Easy. Follow these steps…
1. Find a guy who wants to have a relationship with you.

Haleth's avatar

Some of my friends have wondered the same thing, and I think the answer is that you can’t just want a relationship. It’s all about wanting a relationship with the right person, and nobody else. If you just want to get into a relationship, and it doesn’t matter who it is, people can sense that. But if you let things slowly develop with the right person, things will happen organically on their own.

I’d also say, don’t push for a relationship. If the other person isn’t ready, all that does is drive them away. Some people want to talk it out, like, “are we in a serious relationship now?” which isn’t really necessary. If you spend time together and grow to care for each other, you’ll gradually start to do things that people do when they care. But nobody wants to be pushed or feel pressured into a relationship.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

You can’t make anyone want anything. That has to come from within. It starts with respecting yourself and goes from there.

jrpowell's avatar

Maybe you are looking in the wrong place for guys. Nerds/Geeks are clingy if that is what you want.

marinelife's avatar

Look, guys want what they want.

It is about respecting yourself and loving yourself and being OK on your own without a relationship.

If you do those three things, you will be attractive to guys.

What guys don’t want is a women desperate to have a relationship. Willing to change themselves into something they’re not in order to get a guy.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Its not about respecting myself, it is more about why some guys want a relationship with one girl but not the other…

It’s because one girl is not the other. Just as you don’t want a relationship with every guy you meet, every guy isn’t going to want a relationship with every girl they meet. There’s nothing you can specifically do to make someone that doesn’t want a relationship with you, suddenly want a relationship with you. Honestly, why try to find tricks to make someone want to be in a relationship with you? It’s much better when they want you for who you are without trying any special tricks to get them to want you. Not to mention, people that use tricks to get people interested in them, rarely end up keeping the relationship going because it eventually comes out that the person wasn’t just being themselves (like a girl pretending she likes sports so a guy will like her).

If you are dating/going after guys that have recently gotten out of relationship and aren’t over their ex yet, it’s understandable that they aren’t going to want to jump right into a relationship again (especially if they got hurt in the relationship). Honestly, being a rebound relationship isn’t always a good idea anyway because they don’t usually work out.

Be yourself. Go out, have fun, do things you like to do. Eventually you will meet a guy that wants to be with you for who you are and not what tricks you can try to get him to want to be with you.

Judi's avatar

There really is no real answer to this but there are a few things that could make them want to “keep it casual.” One, is being willing to have sex with anyone. Men are my nature hunters, (Generalization here, I know not all me are the same.) and if you are to easy, and there is no pursuit, they may loose interest fast.
Talking to much- People in general, like people who are interested in them, People who talk talk talk and never take the time to listen and ask questions to get to know who they are become boring real quick.
Being clingy or over eager to please-It kind of goes back to the first one. Allow him to pursue you.
Lack of self esteem- If you are not a complete and happy person on your own, you will have nothing to bring to the relationship. You can’t expect a relationship to make you happy. Guys are attracted to people who are happy and having fun, even without them. Like my friend from high school used to say when we were “cruisin” (gives you an idea how old I am) “Smile, they like teeth.” In other words, when you are happy and confidant without a guy, you will finally have something valuable enough to bring to the relationship and you will have your choice of guys.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t know if you are hearing what people are saying. Let me ask you, why do you want to make a guy want you?

If you somehow can control a guy, will you be able to respect him? If you manipulate him into loving you, will you ever feel secure? You’ll know that as soon as the spell wears off, he’ll be gone.

Most people want a guy or a girl to love them just because they love them, not because of any tricks. Most of us want to feel like we are complete people who are lovable as we are, not by pretending to be someone else.

When you ask how you can make someone want a relationship with you, it makes you sound desperate and insecure. You don’t believe he will love you if you are just yourself. You seem to believe you have to change yourself in order to get love.

Sure, a lot of people believe they need to change themselves in order to interest someone else. The sad truth is that it never works. It might work for a short time, but the truth always comes out. It’s just not worth pretending to be someone you aren’t.

Londongirl's avatar

I know it is important to be myself, but over years of meeting guys I like that only want friend+benefit, I really start thinking may be something I need to change in order to get a relationship instead of this grey area with guys. The problem is that I ususally have guys like me very beginning and once we dated for a while they wanted to be friends…

Judi's avatar

Time for some self examination sweetie. You need to increase your self worth, which means not putting up with being used and get happy on your own, without a man. Figure out what you really wnat in a relationship and don’t settle.

asmonet's avatar

You don’t.

The one thing I’ve gotten from this post is that you’re a insecure.

People can sense self-esteem issues and desperation. You’re never going to find someone who wants to settle down with you when you don’t seem to want to settle down with yourself. Try being single for a while, not banging anyone and get okay with yourself on a mental and emotional level.

If you don’t believe you’re worth the effort, why the hell should anyone else?

Londongirl's avatar

I have been single for a few years and comfortable to be on my own. It is just when I start to date a guy I like, then it all usually goes to the freind zone after a while…

wundayatta's avatar

Then let them be friends (without benefits) and move on.

SpatzieLover's avatar

@Judi said it best. It’s not the guys @Londongirl it’s you. You need to know what you want, and not settle for less. You want a a fella that prefers commitment? Only date guys that prefer monogamous relationships.

mazingerz88's avatar

I wish you the best in finding the guy who would want to have a relationship with you. And one that you would like to have a relationship with as well. I believe that no one should change anything in their personalities just to snag a relationship. No one could change one’s own nature. We could try of course, but in my experience, we revert towards the real us eventually. Any relationship is better off and would last longer if both parties are naturally attracted to what’s there in front of them, no expectations, no hidden agenda to change one another’s behaviour or attitude.

For example, a friend of mine started an exclusive live-in relationship with his girlfriend years ago because she is a naturally happy person and my friend was the serious type. She cheers him up and he loved that. But she is far from perfect and there are things she will never have that my friend was looking for in a mate. Many times he thought of ending it but they’re still together after 10 years. Why? He said to me once, her good qualities outweigh the undesirable and that she herself thinks the same way about him. Guess that is one of the ways a relationship works.

Sorry for the long post but how to make a guy have a relationship with you? Guess, he has to be attracted in something that you have. Something that you could uniquely give him and not easily found in other girls. You also have to influence him in some way that other girls don’t do. Once you figure out what that INFLUENCE is, you’re on your way.

Londongirl's avatar

mazingerz88: I guess you are right about ’ he has to be attracted in something that you have. Something that you could uniquely give him and not easily found in other girls. You also have to influence him in some way that other girls don’t do..,

Judi: When we first date, he told me he really liked me and he told me he was faithful when he is in relationship, he asked me if I wanted kids and asked me if I wanted relationship in general etc. I never bought this up. I guess I was thinking just carry on and enjoy, but since he bought it up I thought he was looking something more serious. And in fact the week before weekend he did hinting that we were kind of girlfriend and even last weekend when he was drunk though he told me we were dating exclusively. It just changed just the night after. If I knew he was only after some fun, I wouldn’t sleep with him too early but I really thought he was looking for more than just friends at the beginning…

tom_g's avatar

@Londongirl – It sounds like you might be quite young. “Guys” – especially young ones – are scumbags who really just want some action. Sure, there are the exceptions (note: save it, mr. “hey, how dare he paint all males with such a broad brush! I’m calling my lawyer…”) Anyway, it sounds like you need to figure out if you are comfortable with the current pattern of sex and run. If you’re not, you’ll probably want to shut things down for awhile. Also, don’t depend on males for happiness. You’re bound to be perpetually disappointed. Once you’re confident and self-reliant, you’ll happen to meet someone that will make sense for you and vice versa.

Londongirl's avatar

@Londongirl: well, I’ve been single for a few years now, just running to guys that are ‘sex and run’. At first they seem to be caring and keen to have somthing more, but after a few weeks they want to be friend… this is why I ask this question as I am thinking may be something about me that I need to change… may be I’m too passive or may be I’m not calling them enough etc…

SpatzieLover's avatar

Or maybe you are not reading their initial cues well enough to notice they are lying players?

Where are you meeting people? If the quality isn’t there, it’s time to go somewhere else to meet a different standard.

Hibernate's avatar

Be straight from the first date [or whatever you want to call it]. If he’s not up for a relationship but you want one better tell him to look for someone else to be his sex buddy or the one night stand.
There’s no really way to find out how they truly are but you can always find out a bit of the truth from asking their close friends. A true friend will both lie and tell you the truth about him. He’s not gonna try to make him look like a really bad guy but this friend won’t just tell you the bad aspects, so you can find some answers.
If he’s not up for a relationship you could just turn your back and walk away.

There are only a few good guys left out there but these are hard to find.

my 2 cents.

Londongirl's avatar

Well, I told him on first date I@m not after one night stand and casual, he told me he was the same. He told me he was after friend and see how it goes like me. I met him on dating site so no way I can find out things from his friends. But he was quite nice at the beginning but then started to rearrange meeting sometimes. Just last 2 weeks he has been telling me his ex a lot and got drunk and told me we were dating then on Sunday told me to be friend. I miss him so much even we only been out for a month!

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@tom_g is right. guys do really want action (not scumy in my opinion, action is fun).

They will take sex from you if you give it. It has very little emotional impact to them.

You seem to place a large amount of emotion around the act. I suspect, after you have sex with these guys, you are becoming needy, as in, we had sex, now you are obligated to meet my emotional needs. These guys are rejecting that responsibility, and eventually you.

Maybe for you, that is part of the deal. That is your decision to make. But these guys do not realize that, and young men are not good at taking responsibility as a general rule.

Londongirl's avatar

I heard of that but I thought they had emotion. But this particular guy told me he liked me very much at the first date and I think he has just changed his feelings for me… something bothering him. May be I get needy, but to be honest, I have never requested to meet him or wanted anythign from him. It is usually in the next day I wanted to spend more time with him until he told me he had to make the move to do things then I leave his flat…

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

@Londongirl they have emotion. Just everyone has different ones. You think sex means emotional responsibility. They don’t. In fact, I have had sex with women who felt no emotion for me. For many people across genders, sex is not an implied contract of respect.

Londongirl's avatar

I find it amazing that how come some people or guys in general do not link emotion to sex. then what trick the guys to develop emotion to a girl?

Schroedes13's avatar

there is no trick? A lad meets a lass, finds her intoxicating and develops an affection for her because of a combination of her looks/personality/soul. THE END!

Incoherency_'s avatar

Loose weight and get a boob job, of course!

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