Should I hold off breaking up with my SO if he is going through a tough time?

He’ll get more attached to you if you are with him in through this, and if tis really over just end it. It would be worse if you help him through it or are there for him jsut to leave him when it turns around.

No. Staying with someone out of pity is not the nice thing to do. Leave him so that he can know that all the time you were in a relationship with him, you actually wanted to be. You aren’t doing him any favors by staying with him, especially since it doesn’t seem like you know when this rough spot will end.

The worst part is, a break up has to be a clean break. Cold turkey. It will kill be that I can’t even be there for him emotionally after we break up. I wish I had a guarantee of some sort that he won’t break down. Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit.

@princess123 It doesn’t matter if he breaks down, he’ll get over it.

@XOIIO :)

I think the question is are you being honest, how are you being honest and if you’re not, can you live with yourself if he does “Break down?”

Honesty is key, it is all we can really offer to another human being, it is a gift, and when done with kindness and truth, and the respect that your relationship deserves then you should be fine.

You are absolutely entitled to your feelings and preferences, but the other person is absolutely entitled to your complete honesty too so that you afford them their own right, by means of your internal process, to help them to understand that for what it is, and then from there, with the correct information the other person can make a reasonable decision.

That’s how you become friends.

There really won’t be any reason for you to feel bad unless he kills himself.

That won’t happen thought.

most likely

probably

maybe

Like I said… being kind, and honest and not cowardly and selfish removes the possibility of that happening at all. it is a very cruel thing to do to hold back from explaining reasons to another person so that they have their right to not agree, or to disagree… that’s not the point because they are YOUR feelings… But affording someone their right to understand it imperative to their being well, or in some way getting ill over a loss they do not have adequate information concerning.

Everyone needs to be afforded the kindness of understanding reasons.

Thank you @GabrielsLamb. That is spot on.

I can’t believe I’m asking a relationship question on Fluther!

@princess123 I can’t believe I have spread half my life on here already and I havent even been here a month yet…

Pathetic… Uh huh….

Okay… Yup!

I can’t afford a therapist right now and many people can’t either….LOL

@princess123 Lots of people do, why? Are you on a newly made account to hide your other Fluther identity?

If he is already going through a tough time, he won’t be surprised if you pile on.

Thanks for your help everyone

You wouldn’t happen to have any italian blood in you, by any chance?

Because italian people are generally more caring, thats why I ask…

@XOIIO
Not that I know of.

If you’re planning to leave him it might be best not to give him false hopes.

I don’t think you should stay with him. Sounds like this particular fellow is always going to be going through a tough time. And times are tough for everyone right now, not just him. But that doesn’t make him your responsibility.

What you could do, before you leave is to do some research and find some affordable counseling that he could attend, or even his clergyperson or primary care physician. If you know him well enough to know what kind of money he has and how he spends it, you could draw up a budget and leave it for him. If you think he needs to move to a more affordable place, you could research those options for him.

Research (privately) all of the options that you think he could use, including things that you currently do for him that he will have to do for himself once you leave. Resources, people to talk to, budgeting assistance, lists of where things are, phone numbers, products that you buy that he may not know what they are from toothpaste to frozen pizza, coupons all things that he’ll need, etc. Every thing you can think of, then put it all together into a neatly organized binder, with tabs and everything. Then sit him down and let him know why you are leaving, and that you are leaving for good, but you care about him and you have made this notebook for him so that you are not just leaving him high and dry.

Then find your strength, whether it’s through therapy, your faith, your friends, your work or whatever, but leave and don’t go back. It’s probably best to cut all contact. If you can’t do that, let him check in with you, but DO NOT go back or lend money or go over there. Refer him to the notebook, or tell him you’ll get him more info if he needs it, but that’s all.

This might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but you need to do it to protect yourself.

In my opinion no. Better deal with them all at once then to have things bouncing bad one after another.

First of all, how long do you think it would take before the opportunity would be good for you to break up with him? If he’s been in a dead end job for 5yrs and is supporting his mom, I doubt his situation will change anytime soon.

Second, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, then who will?

@princess123 You’re welcome honey! Good luck and I hope that you two are friends forever and you get to be there to see one another grow into healthy relationships with people who suit each of your needs.

Thank you @Kardamom I hope I can take some of that wisdom for my own life.

I agree with @SpatzieLover that timing is the key. If this were a setback that he’d recover from in a month or two, then there wouldn’t be any harm in staying for a short while, but waiting indefinitely would be unhealthy for both of you.