Social Question

MissNicole126's avatar

Are these feelings normal for teens to experience?

Asked by MissNicole126 (198points) October 26th, 2011

I am in high school and I have a boyfriend that is 3 years older than me. We have been seeing eachother for a couple of months now, and not that there’s been a problem, but I have a question.
Is it normal for teens to want to do sexual things often? Me and my boyfriend have a very good relationship, but I am not sure if I should give into my hormones or keep self control. Sometimes it’s very hard too, but I would like to hear other opinions or similar stories.
Thank you!

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29 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

Do they teach you guys at your high school? Yes, it’s normal. And use condoms!

marinelife's avatar

It is normal to want to, but I would wait to be sure that your boyfriend is the right guy. Especially is he is three years older than you are.

MissNicole126's avatar

@Blackberry Not really, we don’t have classes like that.. But okay. Thanks!

@marinelife Okay, that’s what I was thinking also. I mean we don’t really have too to be happy but sometimes things just happen.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

It is absolutely normal. That doesn’t mean you should act on it if you don’t feel ready… and not just physically ready, but emotionally and mentally, as well. Consider the possibilities. How you’ll feel if this relationship doesn’t work out, etc. Definitely use protection every time if you decide that’s what you want to do.
Sex doesn’t “just happen.” It is a decision you make every time.

Blackberry's avatar

@MissNicole126 Maybe you haven’t had them yet? Sex Ed should be mandatory, in my opinion.

MissNicole126's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Yes, I completely understand what you mean. It’s not just sex im talking about, also like smaller things that could possibly happen. I am just not sure what to do in this situation. Also we are both virgins.

@Blackberry Unfortunantely I live in a small town where we don’t have that class. I agree, it should be manditory.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

@MissNicole126 the same applies to anything like that. It is a decision, every single time. I don’t care if it is the first time, or if you’ve been married for 10 years. You decide every time that you want to do it. And it is always okay to choose not to.

MissNicole126's avatar

@ANef_is_Enuf Okay, thanks so much! You’ve been extremely helpful.

Londongirl's avatar

Don’t sleep with a guy will ease a lot of problems….

Kardamom's avatar

Have you had any sex education classes yet? When me and some of the older Fluther members were young, we had mandatory (your parents could opt you out, though) sex education/health classes starting in 6th grade, then again in 8th grade and then again in 10th grade. I realize that many (or may all) schools have dropped sex education classes, and I think that’s a terrible thing. It would be nice if parents could or would explain to their kids what sex, and sexual feelings are all about, and what’s normal and what’s safe, but they don’t. Or at least most parents do not do a very satisfactory or complete job of explaining how things work.

So the first answer to your question is yes, it’s completely natural and normal for teenagers, and even pre-teens to have sexual feelings and desires. Hormones are pretty much the chemicals involved with sexual feelings. The hormones start coursing through young bodies when they get to be around 11 or 12, to get young bodies ready for adulthood and the childbearing years. But just because you feel sexually charged, doesn’t mean that you should act on those feelings.

But I’m not saying that kids should be locked up in convents either. Again, back in the day (even before I was a teenager) when pre-marital sex, and out of wedlock births were considered especially shameful, most teenagers didn’t engage in sexual intercourse, but that didn’t stop them from enjoying all sorts of other sexual activities, short of actual sex.

It’s really too bad that parents don’t want to, or can’t imagine how to, teach their children to engage in mutual masturbation, and explaining to them how to kiss someone properly (rather than just smacking and drooling, which apparently is pretty common, because kids don’t get the same experience as we did back when)

At your age, and because you’ve only been with your boyfriend for a few months, even though you might think he’s the one at this very second, that is very naive thinking. I think that couples should spend a lot of time really getting to know each other, meeting each other’s families, engaging in all sorts of activities together to see if you are really compatible, before engaging in any sexual activity. When you are young, you are still learning about yourself, and what you want and need in a relationship and in life, so you are still figuring yourself out, while at the same time, trying to figure out whether you can sustain a long term relationship with this fellow. That’s a lot of work, but it’s worth the effort. If you just jump into bed with someone (even if he’s been your boyfriend for a couple of months) without doing all of this soul searching and asking yourself and each other millions of questions about your likes and dislikes, your hopes and dreams, your ideas about religion and education and politics and family dynamics, then you’re likely to get a really ugly dose of reality when things fall apart and you have no idea why (because you didn’t do all of your investigations over a long period of time).

You guys should probably sit down together and have a very frank discussion. And don’t be swayed by the likelihood that you boyfriend will try to convince you that he “can’t wait any longer” or that he’ll become ill if you give him “blue balls” or that you “don’t love him” if you do’t sleep with him or that you are “childish or naive” if you don’t give in to sex. Those are some of the lines that guys use to manipulate girls.

Because your boyfriend is 3 years older than you, that would make him anywhere from 17 to 21, you need to realize that he is in his sexual prime right this minute. So he’s probably raring to go and have sex. That doesn’t make him mature enough for a sexual relationship, though and it puts the 2 of you in kind of an awkward position, because you won’t be in your prime sexually until you’re in your mid to late 30’s. Isn’t that a cruel joke that nature played on us?

When you have your frank discussion, you should really talk about the possibility that you could get pregnant. What would you decide to do if that happened? Get an abortion? Put the child up for adoption? Try to raise the child yourself? Do both of you agree on what you should do? Do either of you have enough money to deal with that possibility?

You might want to try to find a book at the book store, or maybe even the library, that is all about mutual masturbation and sexual pleasure that does not involve actual sexual intercourse. That is a real good way to get out your sexual ya yas, without the possibility of you becoming pregnant. And it’s a very good way to learn about your own body, and his body and learn to give and receive sexual pleasure and to be able to learn how to control yourself and stop yourself and to be patient. Most young people, when they first have sexual intercourse, do not have any concept of what foreplay is, and then the dude just goes to town on her for a couple of seconds and then the whole thing is overwith. Most females have a very boring or unpleasant first time, due to the fact that they never engaged in foreplay and mutual masturbation and learning how to kiss properly, and spending lots and lots of time with their boyfriend first. If you can’t find a good book, try to talk to an understanding older female friend or relative who is not shy, and is willing to explain to you how to do things.

In the meantime, you should go to a gynocologist, get a checkup (which should be the start of regular checkups and pap smears) and talk to the doc about all of the possibilities for birth control down the road, maybe a year from now. And you and your boyfriend should both get tested for STD’s. Just because he says he’s never had sex, lots of guys LIE about that. So if he’s unwilling to get tested, that is a big red flag.

And one more thing, do not let your boyfriend convince you to try sex, and that he will “pull out” before he climaxes. You can get pregant just by having his male parts touch your female parts, because there are little spermies spilling out even before the big moment. And pulling out rarely happens, because the guys don’t pull out, but even if they do, it’s usually already too late, because their swimmers have already made an appearance. Don’t fall for it.

Kardamom's avatar

Here is a book that you can purchase on Amazon that might be very helpful to you.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I know that you’re in highschool, and that your boyfriend is 3 years older… but how old are you, exactly?
There is a lot of growing that goes on during childhood and your teenage years, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Most likely you will not have the maturity at 13 years old that you will at 17.

King_Pariah's avatar

@Kardamom Not pull out? I’ll have you know I’m a man of my word. :P

Anyway, back to the op…

Yes, it is completely normal to want to do the nasty. BUT, in hindsight for me, you need to keep self control, not meaning never have sex, but limit yourself, know when there is time for it and when there is not. And always, ALWAYS consider the consequences. Not necessarily talking about pregnancy but mainly how will having sex effect him. Will he demand more? (You have the right in any circumstance to say no). Will he think you’re easy? etc. so on and so forth.

Brian1946's avatar


“Here is a book that you can purchase on Amazon that might be very helpful to you.”

Why pay for a book when there’s a free one here? ;-)

Kardamom's avatar

@Brian1946 You are a flatterer!

zenvelo's avatar

And before you get any older, ask your doctor for Gardasil, the HPV vaccine. Your boyfriend should get it too.

wilma's avatar

When in doubt….don’t!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It’s normal to feel like that. If you do think you’ll have sex though, get shots for HPV, use condoms and think it over ahead of time what you will do if your birth control fails and you are pregnant. There is no fun for a girl who has to go to school pregnant everyday or one who goes to school pregnant for just a little while. Weigh the possibilities against how much you like this guy and want to have sex with him.

MissNicole126's avatar

@Kardamom That has actually helped me a lot! We have actually been talking about it recently and I’ve decided not to do that. I know there are many risks that im not willing to take. He said he’s completely fine with it too, so that helps a lot. I’ll definantly check into the book also, thank you so much!

And everyone, I am 16. But he just recently turned 19, so really he’s only about 2 years older.

Kardamom's avatar

@MissNicole126 I’m so glad that you guys are having discussions. I just had a nostalgic moment when you said that you are 16 and he’s 19. Oh boy, do I remember that guy.

fanning myself

bkcunningham's avatar

Looking back now, did he just want to get in your pants, @Kardamom?

MissNicole126's avatar

@Kardamom See that’s what I was looking out for, making sure that’s not all he wanted. He’s proved to me so far that he doesn’t just want that. I mean he’s the type that is fine with just sitting in the living room with my little brothers for the whole day. But yes we are still talking about it, and from what he’s told me, he doesn’t mind if we don’t do anything like that. He says he would rather wait for it to come naturally and when the time is right. :-)

Kardamom's avatar

@bkcunningham Luckily for me, no that’s not all he was interested in. He was a really good guy. Unfortunately, we really didn’t have a lot in common and back then I was ridiculously shy (I know that’s hard to believe) so we didn’t have all of the conversations that I was suggesting to @MissNicole126. I wish we had had those conversations, things would have been so much different and probably better for both of us. But at least we were both very educated about sex and how to prevent pregnancy and because I was the curious type, I read more than a few books on foreplay, which we used to the Nth degree.

wistfully remembering those days with that beautiful boy again

MissNicole126's avatar

@Kardamom I see! I am very educated on sex from hearing numerous talks from my parents, and what mistakes they’ve made. I know how to prevent it, I’ve been taking birth control for different reasons rather than just the fact that I could get pregnant. I think another thing i’m worried about is telling my parents these things. They will not understand, because honestly I don’t think they want me to grow up. Any tips for that?

beccagolling's avatar

Yes it is very normal. It just means you are a normal person. :) I felt the same way about my boyfriend when we first started dating. It got so bad for me I did end up doing it. But remember, condoms, condoms, condoms! And be sure he is the right one for you! :)

Mariah's avatar

Your feelings are normal, and everyone’s given good advice on how to make these decisions. I just wanted to add that depending on where you live, your boyfriend could get picked up for statutory rape if you guys have sex. In most states in the US, it is not legal for a 19 year old to have sex with a 16 year old even if she consents.

MissNicole126's avatar

@beccagolling Thank you for the advice! I’m sure if we do end up doing anything like that, it’ll be some time from now. And yes i’ll remember! :-)

@Mariah Yes, I know this. Where I live you have to be at least 17 before you can have sex with someone over 18. Thank you though :-)

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