When do you just let people be wrong?

I hate keeping quiet in cases like this, because I don’t want the other person to think that I agree with them. I must be an argumentative so-and-so because I can’t just let it go. I have to at least say that I don’t agree with them. I don’t say that they are wrong and I am right, just that I have a difference of opinion, and I am fine with agreeing to disagree.

When it was my 92 year old grandmother making mildly racist remarks, I let it go. She was the product of a different time, and upsetting her by arguing was just not something I felt I could do.

When it’s my parents and aunts and uncles on political or homophobic rants, I mostly keep quite, unless the comments are so overt that I feel I must respond. If it becomes too contentious, I politely inform them that I find their comments offensive and ask if we can stick to less volatile subjects.

If it’s my peers, I will politely argue my point an any issues that I find important. But since I tend to be friends with and hang out with people that are like-minded, it becomes an issue surprisingly rarely.

If it is co-workers, I direct the conversation away from issues that don’t necessarily belong in the workplace.

With family, there’s always that struggle between arguing for what you believe, and keeping a congenial relationship with those individuals that you’re stuck with by dint of genetics. I guess I’d say I mostly keep my mouth shut, and try to avoid spending too much time with my obnoxious socially conservative uncle (for example).

I think it depends on my mood. Sometimes things bother me more than usual, and sometimes they don’t. There are some things I generally like to stand up for, but that day I may feel like the person “won’t get it, so don’t bother”, or “I don’t want this person to think I’m mean”.

Then, there are moods where I think “This is a real problem in society, I should at least say something, even if it falls on deaf ears” or something similar.

Edit: It also depends on how much I know the person. I’m more likely to correct someone or start a debate the longer I know them.

I’m really hate confrontation so I often let it go if I don’t agree. The only time I am comfortable telling people they are wrong is when I am dog training because I am paid to do so if necessary. I always make sure I am polite about it though.

With one side of my family, keeping my mouth shut keeps me sane. Most of them make the most ridiculous remarks and believe “facts” that are ludicrous. If I ever did open my mouth, I’d never be able to stop.

I just follow the advice from the other side of my family…“If you don’t have anything nice to say…”

Over the years, I have become more vocal about not wishing to hear/have to listen to their political views. I say it as politely as is possible at that moment, and they mostly adhere to my wishes.

Now that I’m raising a child, I am more cautious about which family members I regularly visit. I will inform my son prior to a visit with a rigid thinking relative(s) that some people speak opinions as if they are facts….which we will then discuss again either on the ride home or later after the visit.

EDIT: When do you try to politely disagree or correct the person, and when do you smile, nod, and change the subject?

I just read this ^^^in your details @niki, and here is my take on it:
If I think the person is open-minded, and I think they’re mis-informed and are open to new, up-to-date info, I will attempt to discuss the subject with them. If the person is set in a right/wrong black/white mind-set, then I see no reason to even attempt a conversation on the subject. At that point I either become mute, walk away or look for an opening to change the subject matter entirely.

@Leanne1986 That is the problem right there – you said you are not comfortable “telling people they are wrong.” You might feel less confrontational and more comfortable voicing your opinion if you present it as your “opinion” and not as “you’re wrong and I’m right.”

Stimulating conversations are a result of voicing your opinion and listening to the opinions of others. If you can’t do that, you are missing a very enriching opportunity to exchange ideas.

I usually wouldn’t bother with older family members (They are too set in their ways, and they are likely to see disagreement as being rude.

I usually would not bother with strangers at a party unless they were unbearably pompous, and then my desire to prick large ego balloons would likely overcome my good intentions.

I guess, on reflection, I have to care enough about the person or the situation to speak up and correct falsehoods.

@Skaggfacemutt I said the only time I tell people they are wrong is when I am dog training ie: (extreme example) it is wrong to beat the shit out of your dog. This is based on research, my own training and the policies of the company I work for, not necessarily my own opinion ( although, obviously I do believe that beating the shit out of your dog is wrong). Even in these classes I say things like “have you tried (insert technique) rather than what you are currently doing”.

I don’t have a problem voicing my opinion on Fluther which is probably why I enjoy it so much here.

I mostly say, “I don’t agree with you, but I think we should change the subject, because I don’t want to fight about it.” I don’t particularly enjoy confrontations that are primarily matters of opinion.

I decide if it’s a hill worth dying on before I open my mouth. Mostly it’s not. I can’t walk away from most of the people in my real life the way I can from the computer. If there is an honest exchange of ideas going on, fine, I’ll discuss. Otherwise I keep my mouth shut and don’t confront if it will only result in a fight and bad feelings and no one being at all enlightened.

With family, I tend to stay quiet unless they’re saying something really homophobic (which is really the only one I have to worry about). With others… it really depends quite a bit on if I think there’s anything I can say to change their mind. There’s definitely a point where it’s just so offensive I feel that I should say something, not because I think I’ll actually change their mind in any way, but so that I’m not culpable of agreement by silence. But for people who have repeatedly shown they are set in their ways, or people who are uncivil in their discourse (or, just generally unpleasant assholes I’m trying to avoid in all contact…), I do a bit of an grimace and move on.

@Leanne1986 That is my problem – I find all disagreements a matter of opinion. That might be a personality flaw on my part, but I never think that I am absolutely right and someone else is absolutely wrong on any subject. I enjoy hearing someone with a difference of opinion. The only time it gets potentially nasty is if the other person gets this idea in their head that they have to change my opinion or scream until they do. At that point I will suggest we agree to disagree and refuse to talk about it anymore.

I keep quiet when it’s someone I know well and care about but who I know is going to be too stubborn to see things any other way. I have one friend in particular who is like this. He’ll say something totally wrong or out there and I just say “yep!”. There is no point in saying anything else, it just leads to unpleasantness.

If it’s overt racism or sexism, I will usually speak up, at least once, to disagree. If it’s just stupidity, I try to keep my mouth shut.

If it’s family I keep quiet. I will have to see them again at some point and it’s not worth the drama. If it’s a friend I’ll debate, and we may (or may not) come to an agreement. I’m usually happy to debate with people I don’t know too, but less likely to care.

Generally I just ask myself if it’s a can of worms worth opening. What will I get out of having this conversation? What will it cost me? Would my time be spent better doing something else?

With some people it’s never worth it. I don’t bother if I genuinely think I’m talking to a person to whom logic and reason have no effect. It’s a waste of time and energy.

It varies wildly for me. There are some people that I will gently try to get to think about what they are saying. There are others who are so pompous that I love going tête-à-tête with. I don’t kid myself that I’m going to change their mind but I hope they’ll remember me and my arguments as they trip off into their own lives.

Then there are people who I don’t know very well who hold onto some pretty strange but dearly held beliefs. I like them so I just let them go on thinking what they do especially because their beliefs aren’t hurting anyone. I probably wouldn’t if I thought they may hurt someone.

Overall, I love a good debate and I’m game to debate whenever and with whomever (withing reason).

All the freaking time..until it gets into a territory that is dangerous or they’re trying to teach my kids something wrong right in front of me. If it gets homophobic, completely outrageous or so wrong it’s not OK then I’ll try to tactfully speak up. Otherwise, I just smile and nod even if they’re spouting completely useless crazy talk.
Example: When visiting with an uncle when I was home in the middle of a 6 year stint living in rural Japan he insisted that I must be really good with a wok because “all Japanese food is cooked in a wok” When I said: “Well, honestly I don’t have a wok..but I do have a rice cooker” he insisted again that everything in Japan is cooked in a wok.
I just let it go. It wasn’t worth fighting him on his ignorance.
(FWIW, not sure what cuisine he was thinking of – but the vast majority of Japanese food is NOT cooked in a wok. He’d never actually eaten Japanese food or visited Japan..but apparently he needed to feel that he knew more than I did even after I’d lived there for several years and been trained to cook by other Japanese women.)

@geeky_mama, sounds like mansplaining to me.

It depends on the subject and what words are being said against me or my family.

I have never been a person to let the little guy be beaten by the crowd.

Its not in my jeans to stay out of this particular type of conversation.

Always on the defensive.

@nikipedia – whoa, that does fit the bill. I chalked it up to him having had one too many head injuries…but that definition covers it, too!

I rarely just “let it go”, but if I really don’t want to cause a scene/argument, which I know often times it will, I’ll just keep my mouth shut unless it’s some outrageous lie about me/someone I know.

However, most times I’ll probably speak up and correct the person either way.

When they claim that I’ve overpaid them and that they owe me a refund.

I didn’t see any evidence that I paid for a service that I didn’t get, but that was one case where this customer felt no need to prove that he was right. ;-)

When they’re your supervisor at work, you let them be wrong.

I’m lucky, it hardly ever happens around me, but when I believe strongly in something, I will speak up.

What if it’s a harmless mistake without any emotional overtones, but you just happen to know the person is wrong? For instance, let’s say they still think Gordon Brown is Prime Minister of the UK, or that gasoline is more expensive in Texas than California, or that sleeping with the lights on gets rid of allergies.

If I’m the guest of people I am not friends with, I listen and keep quiet and leave any difference of fact or opinion for other company, unless I’m directly asked. If I’m the guest of family I know I disagree with then I keep quiet or deflect if antagonized. My non virtual soapbox rests under my home roof, in my car and if directly asked for my two cents.

I usually keep quiet when they’re older than me, or have that certain personality some people have when they are just pointless to have a discussion with. If they are my own age though, I just usually say how I feel.

@nikipedia In situations like the ones you have suggested I would probably say something along the lines of “are you aware that Gordon Brownis not PM anymore?” That is not a matter of opinion, that is a fact so I would have no problem politely correcting them. If it was a good friend or family member I would tease them for it too!!! (They’d do the same to me).

Often, really, really often. I don’t like discussions with brick walls, so if I feel like I can’t have an actual back and forth, I just let them “win.” I do choose my battles very carefully—I like any energy I expedite into an argument to be worth it.

Also, I deal with parents everyday. Who’s going to tell them they’re wrong? Not me.

When they say, that they like smoking cigarettes and that the taste of their brand is great.