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LeavesNoTrace's avatar

Is it weird that I'm too nervous to work out with the guy I'm dating?

Asked by LeavesNoTrace (5674points) March 13th, 2012

I know that everyone always talks about the importance of having a workout buddy but for some reason I’m super self conscious and prefer to exercise alone. I started seeing a great guy a couple of months ago and he’s very into fitness. I’ve recently joined a gym as well and while I’m not in bad shape, he’s certainly leaps and strides ahead of me.

He keeps asking if I want to go for a run with him or something. While I hate to be neurotic, I just really don’t want him to see me struggle. When I get nervous or uncomfortable it’s hard for me to focus on my workout and I just feel better either being by myself or at the gym where people don’t know me. (And there’s people in far worse shape than me so I fall somewhere in the middle. :p)

Has anyone else ever been in a similar predicament? I hope he doesn’t think I’m just being lazy or making excuses. I still go to the gym several times a week by myself. He’s a very mellow, non-competitive sort but I still get so nervous!

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11 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

You just said “he’s a very mellow, non-competitive sort” and that in in itself describes the perfect workout partner. I think you should cast aside your nervousness and take him up on working out together and what better way to spend time together and to get to know that side of him! I bet you will be glad you did!

marinelife's avatar

You need to be honest with him that you are uncomfortable exercising in front of him .

zenvelo's avatar

What @marinelife said, except tell him it is in front of any friend or partner, that you get self-conscious when someone you know is with you while you work out. That way he won’t feel it’s about him..

wundayatta's avatar

This is common. There are gyms built around this psychology. Some gyms try to make it possible for everyone to be comfortable. Some are women only. They have other tricks.

Still others take the opposite approach. It’s all about competition and being seen. They want to have the hottest people working out there. That’s why they put all the exercise machines in the window—so you can see how buff the people are who use that gym.

In the end, I agree with @marinelife and @zenvelo. You have to tell him the truth. If he accepts it, great! If not, then yes you are out a relationship, but it wasn’t a relationship worth keeping, anyway. Just hope he really isn’t competitive, and he really isn’t judging you by your physical fitness. But if he is, then he was never the right guy for you. Better to find out now then later after you’ve sunk a lot more time into it. And make no mistake—this is not something you can hide. He’ll find out eventually. If you think this has long term potential, tell him now. Of course, if this is just for a few laughs, then there’s no need to tell him. String him along until you’ve had your fill.

blueiiznh's avatar

It is not weird at all. It is simply a personal choice. Some people like the motivation that a workot buddy or group environment creates. Some people prefer to focus by themselves.
As @wundayatta stated, you need to simply tell him what you prefer. He should accept this and not keep asking you to change what you like. Your preference is your preference and it should be respected.
Good luck.

JLeslie's avatar

Not weird. People get weird about all sorts of things with new people they are dating. Eating in front of them, working out with them, when they can hear them going to the bathroom, so many things.

Some people above are saying it is your personal choice to work out alone, but it does not really sound like that is the real explanation. Maybe I am wrong. It sounds to me like you compare yourself a lot to others, and might be fairly insecure, and worry a lot about being embarrassed. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

If I am right, then with your boyfriend, if you both are fairly serious, I think you should take him up on his offer a few times.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Get over it. Take him at his word. He won’t care if you sweat or huff and puff; that is what gyms are for.

Sounds like this is molehill being expanded into a mountain. No reason to be worried.

john65pennington's avatar

If this guy is really interested in you, he expects this from you and it should not be a problem. You should have seen me running a one-mile circle track for the first time in 14 years. I embarrassed myself, but I did not give up and I had a lot of support. I was 58 years old.

When you love someone, you love the good and the not so bad parts, too.

Talk to him and explain how you feel about running with him. He will understand.

After all, he himself was in your position at one time or another.

flutherother's avatar

It sounds like you are in reasonable shape yourself. I would take control and suggest a run you are comfortable with and set the pace. It isn’t a race and it shouldn’t be competitive. If he isn’t happy with that then he has a problem.

lonelydragon's avatar

Just tell him you prefer to work out alone. He should respect your preference. There are other activities you can share.

noraasnave's avatar

My soul mate and I work out ‘together’ on occasion, but her focus is different than mine. While I go out of my way to give her an occasional kiss or touch, she does her thing and I do mine. We do usually start out walking on the treadmill together, but even still, what she is doing is kind of not my business, and vice versa. Even if we were trying to attain similar goals, it is nice to have the freedom to pursue them in our own ways.

Perhaps the way we work out is somewhat indicative of many facets of our relationship.

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