Social Question

Mandeblind's avatar

Why do guys lose interest in girls after a brief conversation?

Asked by Mandeblind (425points) April 10th, 2012 from iPhone

Some guys that Ive talked to in the past had shown immediate carelessness the next day. Often I know I have acted silly when this happens. Why do guys back off and lose interest this quick? It may only be a momentary thing for the girl, but they chose not to deal with it at all.

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32 Answers

Charles's avatar

It may have something to do with the first words out of their mouths being:
“I like to spend money”,
“My six kids wish their daddies (plural) didn’t bail out on them”, or
“It’s not my fault I have $45K in credit card debt.’.

Mandeblind's avatar

@charles, what if the girl is normal but theres no electric? How can a guy stop the relationship that never even begun, by just one talk?

zenvelo's avatar

@Charles When I was living in Isla Vista, it was “Oh, I go home to Newport every weekend.”

Men don’t view a single conversation as needing a follow-up, but are wary of a second meeting as indicating interest in a relationship. The difference is average men (not wealthy good looking men) will talk when meeting a woman to find out of there is a possibility; women tend to dismiss men more out of hand based on looks and dress.

I know I am out on a limb here, but that has been my experience.

JLeslie's avatar

If they find the girl annoying they will lose interest. Or, if the guy is just looking for sex and the girl does not seem to be putting out so fast he will move onto the next girl. Or, if some new girl started talking to him the next day he may not follow up on the girl he talked to yesterday, unless that second girl becomes boring, then maybe back to that other girl that seemed ok. And on and on.

Blackberry's avatar

It’s just a generalization, and it’s not only women, but young people (I’m assuming you’re young) in general are difficult to talk to because some of them don’t care about much. Or don’t seem to want to talk about certain things other than superficial topics.

elbanditoroso's avatar

Because a lot of girls are uninteresting. The whole dating and meeting people thing is just a Darwinistic winnowing out process. If a guy’s ‘girl radar’ doesn’t tingle after a few minutes, then he moves on. Why waste time on a something he has a bad feeling about?

By the way, just so you don’t think I am sexist – girls do the same thing to guys. Sometimes two words is all it takes.

Mandeblind's avatar

For me, I would still act/talk to a guy the same way i did even if things didnt go well for me after one brief talk… After all, the more you know the better.

Even if a guy has been thinking the girl, and they do chat a few times… One silly awkwardness of the girl erases her for the guy. This is only until the girl makes the awkwardness up by being normal and well. Then i noticed the guy’s interest coming up again. I feel like guys are so unstable…

tom_g's avatar

Edit: Oops. Wrong person. Sorry. In that case, I’m not sure I can even parse your comments or questions in a way that makes any sense.

Mandeblind's avatar

@tom , Im in college. And the guy I have a problem with is 27.

JustPlainBarb's avatar

That’s how you get to know someone .. by talking to them. Sometimes you click and sometimes you don’t.

Most guys make up their minds pretty quickly for one reason or another. It’s just how things are .. not every guy is going to like you.

marinelife's avatar

Why are you still being silly in conversation if you’re in college? Maybe he noticed and found you too immature.

I think the question is why should he not move on?

Mandeblind's avatar

I think the problem is with me… I don’t have a stable personality. It changes almost every hour.

john65pennington's avatar

Charles is the man of the hour.

Good answer.

wundayatta's avatar

Yeah, people tend to have a sense for instability.

john65pennington's avatar

Men are particular about the girls(women)they wish to date. I was. There had to be something really special about this person, before I would give her a second glance. This was not because I was a big shot or anything like it, it’s just that I had my standards on what I liked in females. Here are a few of my female turnoffs:

1. Talks too much.
2. Hair not stylish.Hair on a woman, is the first thing a man notices.
3. Does not take care of herself in the grooming department.
4. Wears out of style clothes.
5. Has bad breath.
6. Does not present herself as a lady.
7. Walks with a booty walk.
8. Chases the guys.
9. Uses foul language.
10.Constantly fools with a cellphone and not focused on me.

If any of the above fits your situation, then I suggest a big change and then make another attempt at talking to this guy. There was something about you that he did not like.

chyna's avatar

Maybe he has a short attention span. I’ve noticed this in some men.

JLeslie's avatar

@Mandeblind Maybe he does not still talk to you, because he does not want to lead you on. Don’t be too ditzy around men, be yourself, um, unless ditzy is how you are. Don’t work at it, just be natural, and eventually you will click with someone. 27, I rarely say this about men, but probably he is too mature for you in more ways then one assuming you are between 18–22. Who knows with that particular guy, like I said he could be just cruising for some sex, and I am giving him way too much credit. But, 20 and 27 are very different ages assuming he has a job and is responsible.

wundayatta's avatar

Why do you even care?

Paradox25's avatar

It is difficult to answer this with the limited info given. First off, not all guys are the same contrary to what other guys (or even girls) may tell you. There are three possibilities here that I can think of though: 1) He may just be looking for sex, or to play games but you aren’t putting the correct signals out (to him). 2) The guy might be waiting for you to make some type of effort to show that you like him. 3) The guy may just not be interested and/or it is just a casual situation.

CWOTUS's avatar

Let’s assume that some guys find some girls attractive enough – based on looks or the feeling of the moment – that they decide to start a conversation.

Some relationships end right after that conversation because the guy finds out that the girl is either (or both) uninteresting and/or stupid, and therefore not worth further discussion.

I expect that a great many guys also come to the opposite conclusion: “This girl is way too interesting and intelligent for me; I’ll never be able to hold her interest for very long.” That is, some guys are looking for a bimbo and are surprised and taken aback to find a woman with a brain and a personality. You’ll never hear them say it in so many words, but I’ve seen it before and I know it happens.

Bellatrix's avatar

I don’t think this behaviour is exclusive to men. If I have a conversation with another person and they don’t interest me I won’t seek them out for future conversations. Sometimes people have nothing in common and one conversation is sufficient to identify this disparity.

Also, I’m sorry but I think you are being a bit egocentric. Perhaps he has other things on his mind. Perhaps he is interested in someone else and you did nothing to inspire him to transfer that interest to you. Perhaps he has been busy working/studying or other things. Perhaps he doesn’t realise he is supposed to dote attention on you.

lonelydragon's avatar

I don’t think this is gender-specific behavior. Most people won’t follow up on a conversation if they lose interest in the person. As to why they’re not interested, it could be for any number of reasons. Maybe there’s no chemistry, or he realizes that he doesn’t have much in common with the girl.

tranquilsea's avatar

Be interesting and he’ll be interested.

Dutchess_III's avatar

If there is no “electric” (your words,) there is no electric. Do you pursue further conversations with a guy who you are not the least bit attracted to?

john65pennington's avatar

Lonelydragon is correct. If the chemistry is not there, its not there. Sometimes you know this right away and sometimes it takes a while for the true colors to come through.

roundsquare's avatar

I’m not 100% sure I get the question. Is this the situation: you had one conversation with someone and now he didn’t call you later?

Forget if you acted silly or not for a moment… why would you expect him to? The first conversation is his first burst of information about you. Even if he seemed interested in you, etc… he could be being polite. Or, maybe he was somewhat interested but not enough to follow up. I don’t know anyone, male or female, who thinks the first conversation creates any sort of obligation or even expectation that there will be follow up.

Or… are we talking about a first date?

Mandeblind's avatar

Not first conversation.

mazingerz88's avatar

For me it was when she said that she would let Jesus pick her boyfriend.

elbanditoroso's avatar

@mazingerz88 – one wonders on what criteria jesus would make the choice :-(

cwilbur's avatar

After one conversation it’s pretty clear to me whether I have interest in pursuing something further. It’s less that I lose interest and more that the first conversation was to see if I had any interest in the first place.

FutureMemory's avatar

He might have lost interest during the very first conversation.

If that were the case, he was just being polite by finishing that first conversation – it’s not likely that the moment he realized he wasn’t interested in you he would turn around and walk away…he would simply not begin another conversation in the future.

mazingerz88's avatar

@elbanditoroso – I had a feeling one of the criteria is doing things in His name. I would hardly qualify. : )

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