Social Question

Aethelflaed's avatar

Should wedding showers become a thing of the past?

Asked by Aethelflaed (13752points) April 22nd, 2012

Reading over Carolyn Hax’s advise column, a commenter mentions that wedding showers are no longer necessary. While in the past, the point was to provide the bride with all the things she needed to set up house and some sexy lingerie, almost everyone gets married later in life now, and already has those things by the time they get married.

Should wedding showers disappear into the the realm of historical trivia, or should we keep having them?

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19 Answers

nikipedia's avatar

Hell yes.

(I say this as I am picking out a bridal shower gift for a shower I do not want to attend for a wedding I do not particularly want to attend, having already sent a nice wedding gift.)

janbb's avatar

I find them annoying and unnecessary.

Charles's avatar

Yes. Now that my wife is married.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes please. I cannot come up with one reason to hold one in this era. The last one I attended required taking off our shoes and attempting to guess what objects were in various paper bags by feeling them with our feet. I am not making this up. I would have stood up and walked out if the party hadn’t been held in my house.

janbb's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer And besides your shoes were off so you couldn’t walk out!

Aethelflaed's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer I just snorted some Diet Coke giggling at the mental picture of feeting these bags…

nikipedia's avatar

Can I use your thread to complain about another wedding thing that is pissing me off?

My partner and I have to travel out of state for a wedding this summer. So the wedding requires purchasing multiple gifts for someone I have never even met in addition to taking time off work, and buying a plane ticket, hotel room, and possibly even rental car. We asked the locals to recommend a hotel, and they sent a list of $250/night resort-type places and gushed about how great the spas are. What the fucking fuck?

Sorry. You can flag this for derailing. I am just so irritated at all this wedding shit right now.

Aethelflaed's avatar

I’d love to see showers fall of the face of the planet. I’d love to help you celebrate your major life events if we’re close, but the gifting really alienates me. I’m not really big our on gifting culture, and showers put so much pressure to show your love through dollar amounts. I’d rather have celebrations where only the people you really wanted to spend time around were invited, no gifts were expected (not even that “no gifts” policy, where social ostracization will occur to anyone who doesn’t bring a gift anyway), and if you couldn’t attend, it wasn’t always representative of your relationship. A world in which people felt free to say, “I can’t make this one (for whatever reason), so can we get together for a movie and popcorn at my place instead? I’ll pop open a nicer than usual bottle of wine, and you’ll tell me all about it, and we’ll hug”.

SpatzieLover's avatar

Yes. I’ve never been able to understand why in this era we need to shower a bride with gifts prior to showering her at the wedding.

@nikipedia I hear ya’ sister. The cost of going to an out of state wedding is out of control

Aethelflaed's avatar

@nikipedia Please, please use my thread to bitch about wedding stuff. :D

nikipedia's avatar

@Aethelflaed, I could not agree more. I generally don’t even like receiving gifts, and it is unfathomable to me why anyone would feel the need to register for six different styles of silver-plated candle holders (each holds a single candle; prices range from $24 to $79).

Aethelflaed's avatar

@nikipedia I also don’t really care for receiving gifts (which is it’s own little Aethelflaed Has Issues thing), and I make a point to never hold it against someone who doesn’t get me a gift. If they’re spending time with me, being there for me when I get dumped/fired/not accepted to my dream school/fall down and twist my ankle, we’re good.

Dude, candlesticks that cost that much should really have some extra amount of awesomeness in them. Like, these candlesticks cost this much because Louis the XIV used them in his sexytimes with the Madame de Pompadour, and you can flaunt it in front of almost all other historians. Or, these candlesticks have been specially formulated to grow extra bone marrow, should you ever get leukemia.

YARNLADY's avatar

Of course not. Any time friends want to get together to celebrate a happy occasion can never be wrong. The formal, gimme kind might be out of style, but on the other hand, Why Not?

chyna's avatar

I think it’s fine for a girl/guy that is young and has not been out on their own yet, that are just starting out and needs real items like toasters and coffee pots to help set up a household. Not someone that has lived on their own, has everything they need so they register for 150.00 crystal bowls, 400.00 sweepers, etc.
Let’s be real in your gift register. If you won’t buy it for yourself, why would someone else want to buy it for you at those prices.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@janbb I may not have penguin feet, but walking across an ice burg would have been more preferable.

@Aethelflaed I dare you to google “bridal shower party games” and spend 15 minutes reading the offerings that come up while sipping your Diet Coke at the same time and not snort it again. I’ll send you a waffle iron if you are successful. Just PM me with your address.

@nikipedia I’ll flag your response. (Just kidding) It deserves a separate topic on the cost of attending weddings today. Between the recession and the change of times for what was once traditional needs, this is a whole other discussion that needs to be brought to the surface.

@chyna I agree with you when it comes to a wedding gift. What about bridal gifts?

chyna's avatar

Same thing for a bridal shower.

john65pennington's avatar

If a couple plans on staying together, then yes.

If a couple plans on a quickie divorce, after the newness wears off. then no.

Sunny2's avatar

I don’t think showers are necessary anymore, but good luck on making even a dent in stopping them. The tradition will go on. Look at what drives them: youthful (usually) excitement; doting parents; faithful friends; and tradition.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Meh. As much as I think those are gendered and exclusionary, I can’t really tell people not to have specific parties. If people want to have wedding showers, they should be able to.

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