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15acrabm's avatar

My friends don't approve of the guy I like. What should I do?

Asked by 15acrabm (512points) July 14th, 2012

Lately I’ve started liking this guy who I met because we both did track. He has always been extremely kind to me and we have some really great conversations. He actually told one of my most accepting friends that he liked me too, and I know he is going to ask me out soon. The problem is, many of my friends think he isn’t “dating material” because he is pretty scrawny, (although very attractive in the face), and not very intelligent. These things don’t bother me at all, but whenever I try to tell them I like him and hope to go on a date soon they start talking about him like he’s a joke. I know I will say yes to this guy if he asks me out no matter what my friends think but I still want my them to accept him so they don’t make me feel bad all the time. What should I do?

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15 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Perhaps you need better friends who are much less judgmental and much better at seeing beyond the superficial.

Are you still in high school?There is a tendency for many teen-agers to counterbalance their own insecurity by criticizing their peers.

I hope you do go out with this young man and tell your friends to grow up. Be the example that they should follow. Do you sometimes wonder what they might be saying about you behind your back?

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

You are already on the right track with this guy (pun intended). Don’t listen to their doubts. Go out with the guy if he asks, and see if it has potential into becoming more. If it does, your friends will see how happy you are and back off. If they don’t, then it may come down to a decision on who you really want to hang out with.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Bellatrix's avatar

I am glad such superficial things don’t bother you. You say you have always found this person to be kind and interesting. Those are far, far more valuable attributes than him being a bit ‘scrawny’. Also, look back over some very youthful pictures of some of our most glamourous male actors/musicians. Many people look a little awkward or gangly in their teens. He is an athelete too. Wouldn’t that require him to be lean? If you enjoy his company listen to your instincts. If your superficial friends don’t like it – find new friends.

Adagio's avatar

I don’t believe we can make anyone accept another person, it might come with time if they see that you are enjoying each other’s company and that you are happy. Or it might not come at all, but hopefully the former will be the case. Sometimes people just don’t like someone, and it can often be for the most irrational reasons, we humans are the strangest of folk.

marinelife's avatar

Consider making new friends. Listen to your heart. Drop your old friends if they don’t drop the negative talk about this guy after you ask them—one on one—to do that.

SpatzieLover's avatar

It’s your life to live, not theirs. The sooner you realize this, the better IMO.

Coloma's avatar

Nothing. Your friends feelings are hers, however, if she is concerned , she also has a right to speak up about her feelings or be a good friend by pointing out any potential issues she sees with the guy. Bottom line, your choice, and if she is right you’ll need to give her credit for seeing ahead and if things work out she gets to admit she was off in her concerns.

It’s fine to have her opinions but it’s not okay she lay trips on you because of them.

gailcalled's avatar

@Coloma; The OP was writing about friends (plural). It appears to be teenage groupthink rather than one good friend sharing an opinion or asked-for counsel.

”...whenever I try to tell them I like him and hope to go on a date soon they start talking about him like he’s a joke.

NostalgicChills's avatar

They need to grow up. You just do what feels right. The only time your friends should intervene is if they felt there was truly something wrong with this guy and wanted to simply express concern. But in this case, follow your own heart.

Buttonstc's avatar

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

To me, a friend is someone who has your best interests at heart. The ones your talking about seem to be more like friendly acquaintances (who are particularly shallow and judgemental, more concerned about looks rather than character.)

What you see in this young man is much more focused on the essence of what type of person he is and that’s what you should focus on. Looks change and come and go as we mature and age. But a person’s character pretty much is what it is.

You can’t change them. The best you can do is tell them to back off but you cant control what they say behind your back Their current value system is really shallow and totally sucks, to be blunt abput it They may eventually grow up a bit or they may continue to live the rest of their lives by superficial standards. That’s their loss. Don’t allow it to be yours. And don’t be influenced by them. Steer your own path through life.

And try cultivating a better set of friends with more solid values as you go through life. These are the ones worth listening to.

The only time I would ever listen to the opinion of a friend of mine on my personal relationships (and they had better be a damn good friend) would be if they were trying to warn me about something dangerous, or deceptive which they perceived and I might be glossing over. Even tho I might not immediately drop him, I would definitely be more aware of what it is about him that they might be picking up on and be on the lookout for other clues one way or another.

If their objections were all focused on looks, I wouldn’t listen for a second and tell them clearly, MYOB.

But none of my friends are that superficial so I can’t imagine that scenario at all.

Follow your heart with this guy and be on the lookout for other potential friends with a more compatible value system to yours.

JLeslie's avatar

My opinion is scrawny is a stupid superficial reason not to date him, because I am assuming you are both young, and scrawny goes away as we age almost always. Plus, if his physique is attractive to you or does not deter you, then it is fine that he is thin.

About whether he is smart or not. Is he significantly less intelligent than you? As long as you have things in common and can talk about many different topics then I don’t see any problem. But, I do think one person in a relationship being much much smarter than the other can be tiring after a while. I just wonder if it is smarts really we are talking about here, or just that he may not be knowledgeable about the things your friends are interested in. Two very different things.

If you were 40 years old and your closest dearest friends didn’t like a man you were interested in I would take it more seriously, wonder what they see that you are missing. But, a bunch of young people in school who don’t like someone because he is skinny, maybe he isn’t in the “in” crowd? I would not listen to them for a second.

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tups's avatar

Show them that you don’t really care about their opinion of who you’re supposed to date and that will give them. Seriously, if you like this guy and he likes you back, that’s it. Nothing else matters (unless it’s hurting others of course, but I don’t think that’s the case). If you date him, even though your friends think he’s a loser or whatever, you’re showing them that you’re your own person and that will definitely build character. You’re just lucky to like someone who likes you back.

kimchi's avatar

Give your friends the pro’s and the cons of your guy. For example, “I know he’s _____________”, but __________________.” Like that. Then, they’ll understand that your guy actually is okay. If they don’t listen, then who cares, right? Focus on your OWN opinion… what YOU think of him. Go with your heart, gurl! Hope this answer helped you! Good luck!

Paradox25's avatar

I’d be more wary of your ‘friends’ than the guy you like.

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