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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

This is a two part question, but tied together: What first draws you to another person and then what keeps you wanting to be with that person?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (36625points) July 18th, 2012

Just a thought that’s bouncing around my head. What makes you approach the other person, and then what makes them the love of your life? What do you think drives you to put it out there first, and then why do you stay with them? Notice this is gender neutral. I want to hear from everyone on this. And as always, humor greatly appreciated.

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5 Answers

Judi's avatar

I think that the initial attraction for me has always had something to do with pheromones. I have had relationships with a lot of different kinds of people. My first marriage was with a bipolar musician. Part of why I stayed with him when things got hard was a sense of honoring my promise. Unfortunately, he took his own life. I kept up my end.
My current husband (of 20 +years) is Mr reliable. It’s easy to keep loving him because he is consistent. I an count on him, I can trust him with my heart. We had some tough times when our sense of commitment took over, but in the long run, the love continues to grow deeper and even more committed as we age.
It does make me wonder, if my first husband had lived, what life would be like. Years 6–10 were pretty tough in my second marriage. My first husband died around year 8.

marinelife's avatar

What first draws you to someone is the chemical attraction that we are set up with. What keeps you with that person is shared values, love and friendship, wanting the best for that person and wanting to build a future together.

Pandora's avatar

It is true that pheromones are what first draws you to a person but there are a list of so many other things for myself. Of course looks plays a role as well and also how they carry themselves. Do they seem confident? But looking back on past relationships I think the one thing that would determine if I wanted to pursue this person is whether or not they looked sincere. I didn’t know it at the time, but I remember looking into their eyes to see if they were sincere and what I was probably looking for was to see if their pupils were dilated..
As for what has kept me in a 30 marriage, is the best friendship anyone could ever hope for. I believe understanding, compassion, and being unified in your life goals is essential.
Love is also a given. He is only one person in this world that I know would sacrifice everything (but our kids and that goes ditto for me) for me and he knows I would do the same. Oh, forgot to add. RESPECT! Without it I would never have stuck around. That is my first commandment in any relationship.

bkcunningham's avatar

What drew me to my current husband was the horny 40s. What makes me stay with him? He passed the test.

wundayatta's avatar

What draws me to someone? I think it has to do with a shared vision for how the world works and what people are like and a sense that we are the same. I just want more and more of them the more I know. But usually there is an instinct for this early early on. Once I feel it, I don’t give up as long as there is mutual positive feedback.

What keeps us together? Mutual positive feedback and a sense of commitment. Sometimes that sense of commitment keeps us together long after the mutual positive feedback has stopped. I always hope and try to rekindle that positive feedback. Also kids and shared responsibilities and shared lives keep us together.

So far, we have found ways to stay together. We’ve been through some very tough times. That doesn’t guarantee we’ll survive forever, though.

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