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CuriousLoner's avatar

When you decide that you are not interested in someone how do you handle it?

Asked by CuriousLoner (1809points) October 14th, 2012

To make the question a bit more specific say you meet and/or talk to someone.

This could be for friends kind of thing generally speaking or looking for relationship of sorts.

Then you decide you do not like said person, do find them to be not your type, or merely do not dislike them,but not interested or whatever reason.

Do you ignore them? Stop texting or meeting them? Straight forward? Scare them away?

What is your method?

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15 Answers

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Unbroken's avatar

I have played with different techniques. Depends on the type of person they are and how far you let it get. Mostly lately I have just been straight forward. Because personally I would want that. Problem is people get offended or don’t believe you etc and you have to deal with that backlash. But not always. If it has just been one meet followed by texts I just let it fizzle as I assume the other side is also fizzling. If they keep on pestering short and simple not interested pleased stop texting me. And then ignore….

Coloma's avatar

Yes, it is always best to just be straight up and say something like ” I’m sorry but I don’t think we’re a blend.” I had one guy once that kept claiming how much he wanted to date me but that he wasn’t good at making plans. WTF!
I just told him outright, with humor, that saying you want to date someone but don’t like to make plans is like saying you want to lose weight but eat donuts for dinner.
Good luck with that! lol

Adagio's avatar

Have to agree with @Coloma, just be honest, no need to be rude but honesty is the best policy I reckon, it saves wasting time.

wundayatta's avatar

I think every situation is different. It depends on how far along you are and your mode(s) of communication and how often you have been communicating and where you live and what you’ve been doing. In some situations, it’s easy enough to let it fizzle, because it hasn’t gotten very far. However, in other situations, you have to actually break up, because people have expectations about what your relationship is.

If it’s somewhere in between, I don’t know. I’ve had people stop responding to my phone calls. When I finally reach them, I was told, “Don’t you get it? I didn’t return your calls. That means I’m not interested.” So some people see that the stopping communication means things are at an end. Others, like me, think you should make it explicit. There are too many reasons why people might stop taking calls. If you want to be clear, tell me you don’t want to talk to me again.

And yes, people’s feelings will be hurt. There’s no way to be kind. The best thing to do is to make is short and sweet. No apologies. Just let it be over. It hurts more on the other end, but the pain will be much less than if you try to break it off in a “nice” way. Not possible. Except if the other person doesn’t care about you, really.

Pandora's avatar

When I dated back in the stone age, I would just be upfront if I felt they were a decent person and may be reading the situation wrong. It was tough but I didn’t want them deluding themselves any further or think there was something wrong with them. I would start out by telling them that I enjoy their company but I could not control how I felt and I simply did not feel it would ever develop to be anything more than a friendship. Some would ask if something was wrong with them or that I really disliked them. I would let them know that when I disliked people I was not afraid to say so or even walk away without a word. But everybody eventually runs into someone that you can like everything about them but not feel that special connection happening and sometime you can feel the connection with someone you know isn’t right for you and you still have to walk away. Feelings have nothing to do with making sense. It’s the same for being attracted to people. You can be attracted to someone and still not want to date them because it simply doesn’t feel right for you. All which have to do with hormones.

Sunny2's avatar

Be honest and firm, but be gentle. If she has problems letting go, be firmer. Do not give her any hope, but don’t be mean.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I agree with the firm but polite direct approach. There is nothing worse than a chicken of a man or woman who cannot come up directly and in a civilized and honest way tell you what must be said.

augustlan's avatar

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel that way about you.”

Bellatrix's avatar

It really does depend on the circumstances.

If it was a man who was interested in dating me and he wasn’t my type, I would be honest and say I wasn’t interested. I would do it as gently as I could. If they didn’t get the message, I would be more direct. It’s harder to do this when it’s someone I consider to be a good friend but they decide they want more. Still, better to be honest than hurt them.

If it was a person who wanted to be my friend, but I didn’t feel we were good friend material. I would just have other plans when they suggest doing something together and if they didn’t get the message I would tell them I wasn’t interested in their friendship.

As a young person I remember dumping a guy very cruelly and I still feel bad about it. I can’t go back and undo the hurt I caused but I did learn from it. My actions were because I was being cowardly about telling him the truth.

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