Would you like to play "twisted wishes"?

I wish I had more time for fluther.

Granted! You are fired from your job.
I wish I could go to sleep on time.

that’s sleep AND wake up for anybody who thinks of just killing me off

Granted! You have nightmares every night.

I wish I was at Disneyland.

Granted: you are working 12-hour shifts in 110-degree heat as Bashful, in a giant fiberglass head. And kids are pushing you.

I wish all my bills were paid in full.

Granted: You get evicted and become homeless, and have no more bills to pay.

I wish my spacebar worked all the time, instead ofjustsomeofthetime.

Granted: you get a space bartender but you can’t take off your astronaut suit to drink what he mixes for you!

I wish I made more money at the job I’m currently working at.

that twisted wish doesn’t make sense to me, she was talking about the space bar on her keyboard

Randy-

Wish granted but you are soon arrested for embezzlement.

I wish gas prices would drop.

@PnL- I know but there was no computer reference so I twisted up the twisted wish. See, spacebar = space bar. Like a drinking bar only in outer space.

Wish granted Randy, but they’ve dropped to zero because there is no gas.

I wish I could travel free, first class, anywhere I wanted to go.

@PnL, that’s HE to you!

Wish granted seesul but your first class seat will always be next to a loud obnoxious man who’s drunken beller is only drowned out by the plaid coat he wears until he takes that off to form a pillow which he props against you so he can sleep snoring his brandy breadth in your face with his shoes off because his dogs are just barking and would you mind losening his truss and helping him with his donut seat cussion his roids are screaming.

I wish for never ending supply of cheese.

oops sorry ezra!

Wish Granted, but you die of clogged arteries after only one day of cheese gorging.

I wish for MIA to be awesome at her concert tomorrow.

Granted! But you will be stuck in traffic on your way to the show and miss it all.

I wish I could find someone to design my perfect tattoo.

Ezra: I’m jealous! Haha..

wish granted but while making the tat the artist has an Epileptic seizure and it ends up looking like an EKG.

I wish I could go to the moon

Granted: But because there is no longer any gas, you can’t make it back home.

I wish everyone spoke the same language.

Granted! But there are no longer any funny jokes based on foreign accents.

I wish my husband would pick up the dog poop.

Granted! But he stops doing all other house/family chores.

Hmm….I wish my wishes wouldn’t get twisted.

Granted, but the game is over.

I wish that I had an ice cream cone.

Granted! But you got the best ice cream ever and it fell off the cone, into your lap.

I wish PnL would have recognized I was granting nocountry’s wish!

sorry! but i had finished working on it by the time you started

Granted, but then you forget what you were going to say.

I wish I could sleep.

Granted! But you are no longer alive and you sleep 6 ft underground.

I wish I hadn’t gotten so drunk last night.

Granted, but instead of getting drunk, you spent the night as a captive in a pow camp.

I wish my best friend wasn’t leaving for Texas in a week.

Granted, you are leaving for Texas in a week.

I wish it weren’t going to rain tomorrow.

Granted! Instead it snows.

I wish I was better at doing my work.

PnL…doesn’t it say when someone starts crafting an answer and in this game, it was my turn! Oh, never mind…who cares!

I wish to turn off my iPod now and go to sleep.

mm you could be right about having started before me, maybe i just didn’t see it? but i don’t know how i didn’t see it! i see you crafting a response right now! bah. maybe i need glasses

Sorry, I am getting grouchy :(

no problemo. to continue the game: Granted! But now you have no work, and have a classic case of infinite boredom.

I wish the war in Iraq was over.

Granted: Now the war is in your backyard.
I wish I was a god…

granted: but now you gotta be ready to put up a fight against bush cause he is the devil.

I wish I could stop getting mad at my girlfriend so easily.

Granted: Now you’ll get mad at your boyfriend

haha LOL.
I’m staight I’m not gay…... I love my girl.

and after getting my last wish granted I’m to busy to keep playing

I wish there was a wish to grant…

Granted, but I’m the one making the wish!

I wish I had more fluther points.

Granted: Now I’m flagging you for greedy…

I wish Notreallyhere would follow the rules of the game and make a wish after granting a wish.

Granted: notreallyhere is as such

I wish I wouldn’t get migranes

@exek1: Take it easy is just a game…you secret is safe with us….kidding

Granted! Now you have to go to work every single day.
I wish I could sell my house for what I bought it for.

@phoenyx: I’m sorry i was to busy answering to my new NOT GAY friend exek1

@susanc…granted: now I own the house.

I wish notreallyhere didnt exist!

Granted: Read my user name!!!

Granted. but now you have to live with yourself for killing off a flutherer who could have potentially helped someone someday.

I wish I was in Paris right now.

Granted:But you’re stock with NOT GAY exek

Granted, but it’s Paris, Idaho.

I wish my wife weren’t gone, visiting her sister.

Granted. but now your wife’s whole family is visiting you :)

I wish there was world peace.

Granted, but then the world ends
I wish I had patience

granted- you have patience because you are in a coma.

I wish there was a great vacation house I could rent.

Granted. It’s in the hot part of the Gobi. And it’s made of canvas.

I wish I weren’t a little too drunk to drive home.

Granted: But now your car breaks down
I wish I can have X-ray vision

wish granted- but you go crazy living in a transparent word of mobile skelitons.

I wish every morning there would be $1000.00 under my pillow

Granted! You lose your pillow.

I wish that the new recipe I am trying out tomorrow turns out to be good.

granted, then I eat it
I wish I could sleep whenever I wanted

Granted- you are now a dog.

I wish I was on a tropical island alone.

granted but watch out for the insectivorous plants.

I wish I had a nissan silvia.

Granted! but you have no money for gas (ps – i have a nissan sentra)

I wish Obama becomes president.

granted;(hopefully)obama will be the best.

I wish I had an sr20 engine in my nissan silvia.

(nissan sentra…. Stock?)

Granted. Obama will be very good. But it will be difficult.
I wish the strong crafty Hillary would get behind him.

i don’t know what you mean by “stock”, but if its the same as year, then its 2007
ps i am glad we have other obama supporters here!

Granted! But that’s because she got to the cafeteria after he did.

I wish Lupe Fiasco would come to Davis. (Or close to Davis.)

Go Obama

…..@pnl: ok then it is stock, you don’t have anything custom on it? Like exaust, headers, faster engine, etc?

@allie. Lupe fiasco will be there.

I wish I could get in for free at the d1gp events.

exek1: I think you just made my day!! <3333

Wish granted you always get in free- but it is because you are now a cockroach.

I wish I had a canoe

Granted:Is full of holes
Wish was a bartender

@ exek – ooooh i see what you mean. yes it is stock, just paying the monthly fee for the car makes me broke. i definitely can’t afford special configurations. but i <3 it anyway!

wish granted- you are a bartender in a dry county in an Amish town.

I wish I could go fishing tomorrow

@pnl..that sucks making payments. But all that matters is that you are comfortable with your ride.

@dog…. Granted: be carefull cause a gator might fish you.

I wish you all a good day or night cause ima bout to knock out.
its 12:00am

wish granted but you stay awake in bed all night wondering what we are typing.

I wish time would slow down so we could enjoy it more.

yeah I am wondering.

Granted:now ima be on here for another hour.

I wish I had some pizza right now.

Granted! But you have to share with the rest of us and end up with only 1 pepperoni and 1 black olive.

I wish exek1 had some pizza.

granted:here everyone grab an imaginary slice.

I wish my battery would last longer cause I only have ten percent left.
so I’m not gonna be here for sn hour.
More like 5min.

Granted! It will last longer…. once you charge it.

I wish I had some beer to enjoy with my pizza.

granted:let me go get my charger. But I really need some
e sleep.

I wish I knew for how long are you gonna be here allie?

Granted! Until I pass out from exhaustion.

I wish we had more wishes from people to grant.

granted! You are two inches tall and live in an old lantern with a roach.

I wish I was the hulk.

granted:but watch out for spiderman and all the other super heros.

I wish I wish upon a star…......LOL.
I wish to know if there is life in mars.

granted! There isn’t.

I wish it to continue. :)

Granted! But you weren’t specific and now your hair is longer than ever.

I wish I had the energy to unpack today.

Granted: but then you don’t energy to keep playing
I wish I would not have to work

granted: but now you are stuck home doing the dishes.

I wish for a better wish.

Granted, but it’s still twisted.

I wish I didn’t have to work through lunch.

granted: you won’t work during lunch but you’ll have to put in some overtime hours.

I wish my girlfriend comes to my house today.

Granted: But she comes with another dude(don’t take personal)
I wish I was immortal

Granted! You are no longer human, you’re a rock.

I wish my car was done getting an oil change already.

Granted, but now you need a whole new transmission and suspension.
I wish I could fly.

Granted: But crash with a airplane
I wish I owned an Island

granted: but its actually a volcano.

I wish I had an ibanez guitar.

Granted:But you forgot how to play it
I wish I can walk on water

granted: but watch out for sharks!

I wish I had a formula1 car.

Granted! But it’s the Matchbox toy version.

I wish I could be in Mexico right now.

granted: but watch out for the atomic burritos.

I wish the casualties play at the vault.

Granted! But when you go to buy a ticket they are all sold out.

I wish I was in a better mood today.

Granted! But now your significant other isn’t..

I wish all my friends were home for the summer.

Granted but you are not home with them- you got arrested on a bum rap.

I wish it would rain

Granted (can’t resist this one!) but it rained cats AND dogs.

I wish my kitty would get better.

Granted! But then you get sick.

I wish it was already 2009.

Granted, but you go onto a coma the second it becomes 2009 and don’t wake up untill the second it becomes 12:01 AM 2010!

I wish I wasn’t so tired.

Granted! But you are SO energetic now that your mom/SO insists you do chores.

(and 2010 works for me too!)

I wish I wasn’t going to have serious college/medical school debt.

Granted, but now you only have a high school education.

I wish I was on vacation.

Wish granted but while you are gone your home and town are destroyed by a meteorite.

I wish there were no mosquitoes.

@ dog – that works out for him! because if he was home, he would have also been destroyed by the meteorite

@PnL- did not think of that. Okay while you are gone you are robbed.

Yay for not being destroyed! Boo for being robbed!

Wish granted! But now the whole food chain is tilted and creatures we depend on for survival are becoming extinct! People are starving and there is little luxuries.

I wish I the smartest man alive.

Granted! but everyone on earth frustrates you, because compared to you, they can’t do anything to your satisfaction, so you have to solve all the problems by yourself.

I wish I had some energy.

Granted, you become radioactive.

I wish I didn’t have hay fever so bad.

Granted, but you have small pox instead.

I wish my car was paid off.

Granted, but it just got totaled and you forgot to pay your insurance this month.

I wish I was in Hawaii.

Granted, but you are literally in Hawaii—inside a volcano.

I wish I was in better shape.

Granted, your now perfectly round.

I wish could talk to animals.

Granted! But the people lock you up for being a nutter.

I wish I knew how to fight more constructively with my SO…

granted! But you can’ t do it without safety glasses and a tool belt.

I wish I didnt have to sleep. Ever.

Granted. You die of exhaustion.

I wish Obama was president already.

granted: he will be, but racist skin heads will start rioting.

I wish three streets were safer at night.

granted! They are but you have no idea which ones.

I wish I could speak Gaelic.

Granted! But now your a mute as well.

I wish I could control weather.

Granted! But now you are a scientific researcher stuck by yourself on a lonely island with only coconuts for friends.

I wish I could find my purpose.

Granted, but it turns out that you purpose is to be an example for others of what not to do with their lives.

I wish I had a really tasty sandwich.

granted, but just as you pick it up to bite it everything falls off and onto the floor, and then in shock and haste to retrieve it, you step on it, slip, and end up in a coma until Sandwiches are made illegal due to a bread shortage.

I wish it was 75 degrees instead of 90 outside.

Granted! It’s 75 C. (I don’t have a calculator handy, but that’s about 165 F… I think?)

I wish I had gotten more sleep last night.

Granted! But you still haven’t woken up and are now considered to have serious health issues and your parents insist on taken you to the hospital.

I wish I could stop fluthering and go eat something!!

Granted! But Dr. Jelly gets worried and comes to visit you. You mistake him for a squid and fly him up like calamari. Sorry, Dr. Jelly.

I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner. (I’m running out of things to wish for.)

Granted, you become an Oscar Mayer wiener, but it turns out nobody is in love with you.

I wish I were camping.

Granted, but a huge bear is waiting outside your tent to eat you.
I wish I wasn’t so bored right now.

Granted! Instead you are overwhelmed with tasks to complete and you never get a break.

I wish the Pacific was within 30 miles.

granted! God punishes us with another flood. The Ocean is everywhere.

I wish I didnt have a possibly cracked rib.

Granted, you have a definitely cracked rib.

I wish I could draw better.

Granted! But this is not the Wild West and you get arrested for murder.

I wish my headache would go away.

Granted! But now your whole body aches.

I wish I had something to wish for.

granted. you wish for world peace, but god forsakes you.

I wish my dinner was here.

Granted! But it’s only the ingredients – you must make it from scratch.

I wish my friend was here so we could DJ together.

Granted! But you drop your records on your way down the stairs and they all break. =(

I wish I had a 3G iPhone today.

Randy: I would DIE if all my records broke. My heart would break as well.

Granted! But someone steals it from you tomorrow.

I wish I was better at wishing.

Granted! But, since all the wishes get twisted, you have a the worst day of anyone to counter all your good wishes.

I wish world peace.

Granted! But this genie misunderstood you and you end up with whirled peas.

I wish Limewire was working faster.

Oh No! Whirled peas, Gross!

Granted, but your transported 1,000 miles from home where you have a better connection and now you have no way home.

I wish I had a pug puppy.

Granted! It shits all over the place (including in your bed) and tears your furniture apart.

I wish I was back at the Stephen Marley show up in Arcata, Ca.

Granted- but there is bomb threat and the concert is cancelled. To make matters worse you are arrested as a suspect.

I wish Neil Young would market his car conversion prototype for free to all.

Granted! but it also comes with a free dvd of the movie Greendale.

I wish I could find some sneakers that weren’t stupid looking.

Granted, but they’re women’s sneakers.

I wish I had better internal stimuli to remind me to eat.

granted. But you become 690 pounds.

I wish I had a 10 gallon drum of mojito right now.

Granted. You drink the entire thing and die of alcohol poisoning.

I wish my liscense plate said “10 826 35”.

granted. You get shot because you smile at the thought of your license plate.

I wish George bush wasn’t president anymore.

Granted! But Dick Cheney is.

I wish there was a breeze to go along with this heat.

Granted. Its a tornado.

I wish I had some licorice.

granted, it’s poisoned.

I wish I had some licorice.

granted, it’s poisoned.

I wish I had some licorice.

Just Kidding.

I wish I would get away from Fluther and go do something constructive!

Granted. You have to go build a house.

I took constructive literally.

I wish I didn’t have to go on a plane tomorrow to D.C.

Granted. Instead, you are on a plane to Iraq.

I wish gas prices weren’t high.

granted. You have a car that runs on water and water is 20 bucks a gallon.

I wish that I could go swimming right now.

Granted- but the cruise ship did not see you fall overboard.

I wish I could go treasure hunting.

i wish that you guys would continue this game on twisted wished 2.

it will be more convienient and less cluttered.

thanks

Granted but it gets moderated. Ha!

I wish I could get paid to travel the world.

Granted but is is on donkey back.

I wish I was able to make everyone happy.

Granted but you can never laugh again.

I wish I had a fireplace.

You have a fireplace but no house.

I wish I could get warm.

Granted, but now you can’t seem to cool off.

I wish I could keep my new year’s resolutions.

Granted- you are keeping them all but you are incarcerated.

I wish my computer could handle all the image work I have to do.

Granted, but you must listen to this as you work.

I wish the Packers would win the game today so my husband will go to bed happy.