General Question

Lee_27's avatar

Need relationship help please!

Asked by Lee_27 (348points) June 8th, 2008 from iPhone

Ok the guy I have been seeing for 6 months & who was supposedly in love with me has been pulling away for a couple of weeks. When I ask him what’s wrong he says I always think something is wrong. We went out and had some drinks and a girl kept texting him well past 0130 and this is a girl who is a known slut. When he went to sleep I checked his phone which I shouldnt have and found alot of bad stuff, he had been telling her how beautiful she is and how they felt so good together etc. Well he doesnt want to be with me anymore simply cause I checked his phone, now tell me if u were truly in love with someone that would not make u not want to be with them right?

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22 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

And the question is…what?

Seesul's avatar

I just read it three times and I have the same question as gail. <:o}

jlm11f's avatar

Here’s my advice – Dump him. If he asks you for another chance, simply say “no”. Men like that don’t change. As for yourself, spend the next few days surrounded by your good friends. Eat ice-cream, process your emotions, once you are positive that you are okay and ready to move on, get a better guy who will treat you right like you deserve.

Lee_27's avatar

the question is could this guy actually have loved me and be willing to throw everything away over me looking at a cell phone. I mean we talked bout getting married, we were close to eachotgers kids and up to this point hadn’t had one fight and all of a sudden he doesnt love me? I dont get it. He obviously never really loved me right?

jlm11f's avatar

he probably never “loved” you. infatuation is the better word in this case (or he liked the idea of loving you).

autumnofage's avatar

I don’t see why you would even want to be with him if he’s sleeping with other people and stuff.
get over him

osullivanbr's avatar

Lee speaking from a male point of view the reason he freaked out over you looking at his cell phone was he had something to hide. I’m sure he did and quite possibly still does love you, BUT surely you love yourself more than to be treated like this by ANY man.

No woman deserves to be shown that level of disrespect. My two cent anyway. Whatever you decide to do just be sure to take care of yourself first.

Lee_27's avatar

PnL that’s what I always kinda thought in the back of my head that he liked the idea of loving me, I know I am completely in love with him and am willing to overlook pretty much anything to be with him, I really just wish he would not have led me on like he did and just would have been honest.

wildflower's avatar

My 2 cents:
I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who will snoop around my messages after I’ve gone to sleep.
But I also would not want to be with someone who spends time txt’ing others, when they’re supposedly on a date with me.

So, from either perspective and regardless of how you truly feel about each other, you probably shouldn’t be together right now. If the feelings are really there and they’re true – something will bring you back together, but going by what you’re saying, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Lee_27's avatar

thank u so much osullivanbr I am trying so hard to tell myself I deserve better right now but it just hurts so bad to have this
level of rejection thrown at me by someone who told me they loved me so much

osullivanbr's avatar

Well I know it doesn’t help and it doesn’t make anything feel better right now, but what you had with this guy was not real love.

You should not be with this guy, and you know what, in the future when you do find that loving, caring and trustworthy guy of your dreams who is considerate of your feelings as well as his own, and loves you as much as you deserve, you’ll look back at this and almost ask yourself how you could have doubted your course of action.

I would imagine that most of the females here would probably echo this view to you. Am I right girlies?

Good luck.

Seesul's avatar

Sounds like someone is having his cake and eating it as well. Sometimes people say things to get what they want. Looks like that to me.

Be more on your guard next time and go for more honesty and better quality. At least you seem to realize you deserve more. If he’s texting while he is with you, the writing’s on the wall. He’s getting mad at you to cover up being caught, to make YOU feel bad, when you weren’t the one at fault, distraction, that’s all. Ditto O’s the last statement was well put.

I can already tell that you are more mature than he is, you are open to suggestions. That says a lot. Now follow through and close the book. Don’t let ANYONE treat you so poorly again.

wildflower's avatar

Absolutely. From the sounds of it, this relationship was not it. And nothing heals a bruised heart and/or ego like time.

One observation I want to add: Lee, you seem very focused on trying to figure out how he feels/felt. Don’t!
Focus on how you feel! You’re hurt, disappointed and disillusioned right now. Don’t try to ignore that. Allow yourself to feel this way and let the emotions run their course – before you know it, you will start to feel better. The key is to focus on you – not him. The breakup was the right thing, don’t second guess it.

Lee_27's avatar

wow osullivanbr u r one great guy, I really needed to hear all of that. You know the sad thing about all of this is I have to work with him for 16 hours today and he is just walking around like he doesnt give a crap and I’m really hurting here.

osullivanbr's avatar

Lee: Wildflower said it right there, forget about him and how he feels, worry about yourself. You’ll be fine.
Thank you by the way.

Lee_27's avatar

Thank u so much everyone I really do feel so much better. This whole ordeal has been such a learning experience. I fell in love with a man who I knew had cheated on every single girlfriend he had ever had and who loved flirting with women but I really loved him more than I have ever loved anyone and I thought he was the one. I know I deserve better but so much of me wants him so bad and I know its going to take time for that to stop, just wish there was a magic pill to take to make the hurt stop and feelings go away.

playthebanjo's avatar

maybe you can get a nice guy on the rebound…those relationships always last.

thebeadholder's avatar

I agree with ptbanjo. I had this experience. I finally dumped the cheating, alcoholic, self-centered a-hole and found my nice guy (now my husband) on the rebound.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

quit him like cold turkey and pick yourself up some nice grade a meat.

osullivanbr's avatar

We’re a couple of days on now. How are you coping? Everything OK?

Lee_27's avatar

Right now I feel crushed, defeated, rejected, worthless etc. I don’t know what I did wrong. This was such a great relationship every part of it we never fought we had such fun together we had amazing chemistry and I can honestly say at 28 yrs old this is this first guy I ever loved and its over so fast I just don’t understand what happened, its killing me I don’t feel like I will ever stop hurting.

osullivanbr's avatar

Well stick in there honey. It will pass. You’re being very brave.

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