Why are so many leaving Fluther?

People come and people go. Some delete in a huff; some people’s lives just change. It’s the impermanence of life, isn’t it @thorninmud? (And some people return later in a new guise.)

Twas ever thus. The problem is that the influx seems to have slowed down at the same time, so we have a net loss (or so it seems to me).

Sometimes it becomes an obcession and you have to quit cold turkey. As an example, I’m typing from my car in a parking lot. What sane person would do that?

Honestly, I’ve thought of leaving and not coming back. An opinion site is cool, but seems like there are a lot of jerks here and so judgemental, or people trying to be comedians in every single post, get’s off-topic, hold grudges from past Q’s. I barely get any GA’s anymore after the religious stand-off of a few months ago. It’s just like joining a club without knowing the real rules, only the ones posted on the walls, kind of frustrating.

A lot of people just come back under new usernames. That’s what I did. I was pretty active here for about a year and a half or so, reaching the 10k point and then needed a break. I just decided to delete my old account and start over for more anonymity.

wondering who @mambo REALLY is

I have been too busy lately to notice, and my time here is far less than it has been over the last few years, but I am not leaving, just on a modest sabbatical while I transition into a new state of impermanence.
Hmmm…now that you mention it, I am noticing at least one regular that seems to have disappeared in recent weeks. Aaah, like sands through the hourglass, and all that poetic jazz. haha

@KNOWITALL As your lurve point total gets higher, it gets harder to get GAs. Each individual can only give you 100 points. After that it doesn’t count. I don’t think your religion has any bearing on it.

People are always leaving and coming back. It is the nature of the beast.

Is it me? Am I the veteran jelly who left? That’s so sad. I wonder what drove me away?

It is just a shock I guess? I do care about some jellies dammit

sigh oh well.

@KNOWITALL You are a valuable contributor. Ignore the jerks or beat them with spatula!

I nearly said beat them off with a spatula now there’s an image.

@Shippy I just read the “beat them with spatula” part with a thick Ukranian accent. It’s amazing how one missing “a” can make a difference. Hahaha.

@mambo Ugh! you have an accent pfft!

@mambo In Soviet Russia, spatula beat you!

could be spatchoolah, or spatchla depending on ones region loll but never spatula!

Some quit, some get kicked.

It’s a cycle. A vicious one.

All who leave are missed dearly – and I wish they’d PM me details and forwarding (email) addresses, so to speak.

It’s just the nature of online sites and forums for people to move on, for various reasons. Sometimes they no longer have time for it, sometimes they decide that they don’t like it as much any more (maybe the site changed, maybe they did). Or they just drift away to new things. There are people I miss though, and I wish they’d let us know that they’re okay.

Who left? I try to peek in but I have missed a lot..who are we missing?

Just noticed that one who starts with a W is missing.

@Judi Indeed. What an interesting contributor he was too. I’ve noticed others though also.

This is my third user name. I’ll be on here for about a year or so, take a break that lasts anywhere between a few months and a year, and come back again, either under the same or a new one. I like the feeling of starting over with a new name for myself. I only wish I could do that in real life!

@RandomGirl Yes, true. I did also. This time though I doubt I will delete. I’ve deleted myself so many times loll. This time I’d be a white elephant :)

Anyone know why this particular jelly left?

He didn’t leave, he got banned. :(

Lack of commitment. :)

Eh. I don’t think about it much. It helps to remember that none of us really know one another. The few here who want to know eachother do so off of this site.

Detachment can be a good thing.

@Symbeline For good? Why?

After a while on the same site, the questions and comments get very repetitious.

(O)_(O)

(in a sing-song voice) Someone got the ban hammer, someone got the ban hammer!

Okay, got that out of my system. I’ll just add that it’s really sad when some leave, and not sad at all when others leave.

I don’t miss (dearly or otherwise) everyone who has left.

I barely ever notice when folks leave the building, much less care, I prefer to focus on new arrivals who have the potential to add vibrancy & freshen the place up a bit.
After all, today’s newb is tomorrow’s veteran, or something close.

@ucme Hey…I’m about as vibrant as they come…my air freshener still is going strong after 3 years as of March 10th. I may be a little stale in the moment, but I shall revive. lol

@Coloma Shame the goose farts soil the atmosphere somewhat ;-}

I miss many who have left. I still remember a lot of the people who were here when I first joined and I think Fluther would be more lively and interesting if they were still here and still contributing.

@Earthgirl It’s usually the liveliest who end up leaving. :(

Isn’t it amazing, all of us wayward souls that touch each other from afar.
Nameless, faceless, strangers in the night that share a common bond of teeming humanity.
Grunion in the night, exchanging glances, Grunion in the night….what were their chances of seeing the morning light…. okay…blame it on the 3 Coronas…shit…the stress I am under would drive a fish to drink. lol

I think it must be some sort of crazy bug that’s going around. Perhaps we need to call a Waaahmbulance?

And @rebbel, did he leave also?
Haven’t seen him for a while…...

And @lebber, did he leave also?
Haven’t seen him for a while….

@lebber . . . meh. he was a douche. fucking scandinavians.

I could go for a little Amsterdam herbal cafe moment right about now.

Glad to see you are still here, @rebbel!

Likewise, @lebber!

There’s only 2 former users I sorta miss…BoBo & Lucille.

@rebbel Has been active with his “whaddizit” posts lately. Pockmarked penises and such.

Noooooooo!!! You named names, @ucme. You are going to hell.

^in a handbasket!

@jonsblond I thought so long as it was in a positive light, naming folks was perfectly okay, fucking hardcore shit right there.

I can name positive names too. Lots of them. The funny thing is that I notice that a lot of them are still around, and fairly recently too. They have just stopped contributing. What does everyone think accounts for that??

Plus as @janbb pointed out, sometimes the people who are being missed are here just under a new disguise.

Maybe they don’t feel like anyone cares about what they write. So they prefer to just observe.

@Bellatrix . . . Maybe guise?

that sooo reminds me of the electric company/the goonies ”hey you guise!”

Oooooh, if we’re naming names in a positive way, I still desperately miss Jillthetooth!

<3 gary

I’m sneaking in here with a Fiddle Playing Creole Bastard!

@Mama_Cakes yeah the Creole one…miss him too

Grisaille, Epony..

@Blondesjon Missing Gary too.

whatthefluther

I hope that cak’s doing okay.

tennesseejac

(Tennessee is hard to spell after a few beers)

And @Cak

<3 cak

I’ve been here almost 6 years and many regulars have come and gone. I don’t think “so many are leaving Fluther.” I think for each one that leaves, a new one is becoming more regular and building up their points. It’s cyclical.

Oooh…you’re all gonna get it.

jbfletcherfan too. thank goodness for Facebook or I wouldn’t be able to keep in contact with many of the fallen

Quick. Everybody hide!

rut row

I didn’t start it

It’s all good…positive mentions are allowed. Come out of hiding, everyone! :)

People leave for a variety of reasons. Many come back, many don’t, and many are missed. And sometimes those who are missing didn’t leave so much as they were, um, escorted from the building. Even some well-loved, long-term members have been banned by us, for doing things that you probably can’t even imagine (and that I’m not at liberty to talk about.)

Not the whip, @Auggie! Oh please – not the whip!

@jonsblond Started it!

Don’t make me turn this car around!

It waa @chyna in the kitchen with the cleaver!

No idea who left…

When you ban someone @augustlan, in your head do you hear Gordon Ramsay? “Now fuck off!”

@janbb Is making faces at me!

@Mama_Cakes started it!

Don’t make @augustlan stop the car and whup you two.

@chyna Goody, goody!

@jonsblond Sometimes! Sometimes, though, it actually makes me cry. I’ve had to ban a couple of people I really, really liked.

@Judi “W” is gone ?!? I hadn’t noticed and I’m quite dismayed.
Perhaps it has something to do with his account being in arrears.

Lol @everyone…I really love this place at times.

Nyah Nyah Nyah, @augustlan, I double dare you to turn the car around!

Careful….I’ve seen her do it!

@KNOWITALL 13 great answers and counting for claiming you rarely get GAs? Wouldn’t you know your enemies would do their best to invalidate even a simple claim like that?

Knew it was okay to name in a good way, that’s kinda the whole point of why I did so.
Funny how loads followed after initial skepticism, scaredy cats.

Does anyone know how Cak and Whatthefluther are doing?

Cak hasn’t posted on FB in awhile and that worries me. I’m not sure about Whatthefluther (Gary).

I really miss Dr_Dredd, Ariztid, Poly_Math, imamthemob, the Fiddler. And now W.

Especially Dr_Dredd.

I’m still here, I’m still entertained, just trying to stay positive and thoughtful. :)

I too miss the little bastard, he was such a fun and funny guy!

I miss Lucille and Jill. They were fun…always made me laugh. I miss the Bastard too. He was entertaining and intelligent. There are a few others who are still here, that just don’t post any more. I miss their input as well.

I miss Dog!

I miss many. The doc, Banjo, Gary, cak, Dog, Dave, too many to name really. Sigh. May they have gone on to have happy and fulfilling lives.

@johnpowell

“Mr. W” left? I’m surprised. I thought he was like Timex, could take a licking and keep on ticking.

Where did @Shippy go?????

@bookish1 Whaaaat? She just said she wouldn’t do that! :(

WTF??? Not her, too!

Drama abounds it seems. lol
Jeez….must be something in the water lately.

Whatever happened to @Baby Jane…never mind.

Shippy is always leaving and coming back. lol

^^Yeah, maybe she’s gone on a cruise.

I guarantee that she’ll be back. ;)

Maybe, she didn’t like the way that things went down in the accent question that she put up?

@Mama_Cakes That’s what I suspect too.

@CaptainHarley. RIP. We disagreed on a lot of things, but he was a really good guy.

@Espiritus_Corvus He died?

I believe so. He let it slip one night that he was terminal with C, and then apologized for it, blaming the Oxycontin for his slip. His account was deleted soon after. He’d mentioned a few months earlier that he had some major health problems. I really, really miss him.

I know this is just the net, and people here discount their relationships with others because of that especially when things get poignant, but the fact is these are relationships and people really shine here where they mightn’t somewhere else. I don’t think we should discount these relationships at all. I’m here only spottily, but I take these relations very seriously or I would just be wasting my time.

@Espiritus_Corvus I didn’t realize that was why he deleted his account. Thanks for passing that along.

If that is the case then that is truly sad, hope he rode his Harley through the pearly gates roaring as he went.

Aww. That’s really sad.

Wow, that is really sad. I had no idea.

I kinda miss the verbal exchanges I had with @dpworkin, I like a challenge…come back old bean.

He was banned, I think. I liked him, too.

OK, you guys, talk about short memories. He called a female user the c word.

Woah, I never said I liked the fella ;-}

I don’t remember witnessing that. I must have been away during that time or not apart of that thread.

I think he actually called her a “bitch.”

As I said, I like a challenge & that he certainly was.

I liked him. He was good to me.

Bunnygirl is another I liked, wtf happened to Jude by the way¿

@ucme That crazy bitch? I haven’t seen her..;)

Because some members are assholes, and I imagine that gets tiring after awhile. People don’t generally come to a Q&A site hoping to find pretentious, condescending jerks that get off on belittling others and starting arguments over petty shit.

Just a guess, though.

@Mama_Cakes Hey Jude, only positive remarks allowed ;-}
@livelaughlove21 Best way to deal with assholes is to wipe them out…err, I mean kick the shit outta them.

@jca He didn’t leave; he was banned.

I got the impression at the time that the Captain left because of some ugliness – I remember reading the thread where he threw up his hands and said I’m out, but I can’t recall what the whole thing was about. At least, I certainly hope that was the reason and not what @Espiritus_Corvus mentioned…

As far as I know, Captain Harley did not die. He left because someone made a joke about reporting him to the Secret Service for saying he agreed with Ted Nugent about assassinating Obama. Unless he’s passed since then, he’s still alive and kicking…just not here.

dpworkin wasn’t banned. He quit after he was warned about personal attacks.

”someone made a joke about reporting him to the Secret Service for saying he agreed with Ted Nugent about assassinating Obama.”

You couldn’t make this stuff up.

@cookieman Agreed. People were very worked up about that joke at the time, and I suspect he was not the only person to leave over the incident.

@augustlan Well I’m glad to hear that.

I miss a lot of people but I think I miss Grisaille most. It bums me out most when they disappear from here and the Facebook either disappears or goes silent. I miss, wonder, worry about, and pray for Cak and her family and Gary and SC.

So…I wrote a sentimental eulogy “mourning” the passing of a complete stranger off of the interwebz & he’s not dead!!! ;-}

Pot shots aimed at ghosts must just go right through their ephemeral non-presence,no? lol
Okay, okay…guilty of a smoking gun. lol

Ok now I realize there a lot of people I valued as contributors and looked forward to hearing from who have vacated their accounts.

I miss them already.

There are definitely a few that I don’t miss.

Cruiser

I’m still here, just not very much.
Life threw a giant load of crap at me and I’m still working at crawling out from under it.
I miss you guys, those still here and many who are gone.

Ratboy always made things fun.

@wilmaaaaaaaaaa!!

We’ve missed you, @wilma!

I miss Vunessuh with a passion.

Chaz

cockswain

Rufus_T_Firefly

& a partridge in a pear tree.

@ucme . . . fucker. that was brilliant.

darwin

Sometimes, you find a community like this when you are having major troubles in outside life.

Here, you can find confidence, support and lurve validation that makes the outside world less intimidating (not to mention a thicker skin and ability to deal with conflict).
If you can carry that forward, the real world takes over and that’s a good thing.

You can always come back and visit. It’s like home.

now move your craft shit out of my room

can I borrow your inflatable mattress? It’s like a giant pillow!

@Symbeline the problem with abandoning your stuff is, it gets peed on by cats and hobos. So I can’t loan you that thing. I left my key with the concierge… just come on up and make yourself at home

that I shall. But what if the concierge tries to force feed me bonbons or something?

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities

@Mama_Cakes Oh yes!

Is Dale Petrie still around? I liked Harp also. What about Kevbo? I used to have a real Fluther crush on Kevbo’s brain.

I was surprised when @DalePetre didn’t show up for the 2012 election. He was so knowledgable in ‘08 and I missed his insight.

@jca: See PM. Kevbo bailed a long time ago.

@Mama_Cakes . . . i can’t believe i fucking forgot travis

This is like a time capsule in here. Internet-time goes by so quickly. Gary and Gris disappearing make me sad the most. I still have the pipe that Gary hand-carved for me. It’s been nearly 3 years since I’ve heard from Pete, too.

Maybe Fluther should just stay a happy memory for me.

Anyone seen Harple lately?

I miss Lucille but I bumped into her not so long ago on another (and nowhere near as good) Q&A site, she still posts there regularly and she’s fine.

^^He means answerbag, but is too ashamed to say so…i’m also still officially a member there, but never participate, didn’t have the good sense to delete my account.

@augustlan Wasn’t she pretty close to giving birth? And she had just moved.

@augustlan I thought Harple was due in April but she was slowing down. I pm’d her a while ago and got no answer.

Someone asks this from time to time, and it always brings out some names I’ve been wondering about and a few surprises. I miss quite a few (but not all) of those named above, as well as some others not mentioned. One of the latter is @john65pennington; another is @KatawaGrey..

One long-time jelly of the initial W has left and come back under different names more than once.

Sometimes a hiatus is a really good idea.

I miss KatawaGrey real bad. She fucking kicks ass.

I miss her too.

Jeezus, what happened to KatawaGrey?

@jca She left not long after JillTheTooth left.

Jill is Katawa’s mother, and I think within that familial connection might the reason that they both left.

I think I know what that reason is, but I shouldn’t publicize it.

Awright, be honest… who misses @90s_kid ?

@cookieman As usual, you make me smile.

Mouse raises hand timidly to @cookieman‘s question. @JackAdams too.~

Who remembers and misses spykeni?

Bri L

I don’t miss anybody.

I miss a ton of people. I’m still FB friends with many departed jellies, so at least there’s that.

I miss @bob_

Who the heck is the W person? and I thought Johnpennington left because of the secret service thing. If it was CaptHarley not jp then why did johnpennington leave? It is pretty amazing how many I forget and then remember to miss when the names are brought up.

@rooeytoo It ws CaptainHarley who left because of that and the W person is Wundy.

I miss Shippy :(

I do too.

Shippy come back. You can blame it all on me!

@augustlan Has there been word about Gary?

@rangerr We haven’t heard from him in quite a while. :(

I’m sure the reasons are varied, so many likely have different reasons for leaving. Personally I feel the lack of variation in the userbase (whether anyone notices this or not) is killing this site. I’d like to see more intelligent theists, dualists, men’s rights activists, and others on here. Fiery debate is what makes a decent site, and you’re not going to get that when most on a site think the same when it comes to most topics.

@Paradox: Good point. I don’t even participate in most of the discussions about religion and politics because I get so tired of all the circling the wagons.

@bookish1 Might I point out that if @Paradox25‘s wish were fulfilled, that would lead to even more circling of the wagons.

From my point of view, not much is accomplished between ‘debate’ and ‘fiery debate’, and the fiery parts tend to be disrespectful and reckless. -Not always, some people can get very strong opinions out there without insulting anyone or throwing a tantrum.
But personally I like civil exchange.
Some of the political discussions slam quickly to dismissive name-calling and there’s little of value there I think.

@ETpro : How do you think that increased diversity would lead to more circling of the wagons? I think that more diversity in religious, political, and social thought would lead to more nuanced discussions, rather than just devolving into atheism vs. institutionalized monotheism, ‘conservatism’ versus ‘liberalism,’ etc.

@bookish1 Hear, hear!

@bookish1 Aha. I follow you now. You’re right, as is @Paradox25.

this feels like the Oscar’s rollcall of the dead

@Blueroses yeah, doesn’t it though? But luckily, they aren’t dead…..just gone….

I’m happy you are back though!

@dabbler When I used the term ‘fiery’ I meant lively or interesting debate/discussion.

@bookish1 It’s not the religious or political arguments that bother me, but rather the lack of intelligent theists, paranormal enthusiasts, dualists, etc that are willing to debate the sceptics on here. Even conservatism gets some representation on here, but not the topics which are most important to me.

Fluther seems to attract what I would consider weak debaters pertaining to theism or mysticism. What happens is these users get torn to shreds by the userbase on here, then they (new users who are theists/religionists) eliminate their accounts. I’m not referring to more diversity in the sense that I would like to see more different religions or political views on here, but more people who can debate the sceptics strongly on here.

hmm, @Paradox25

I don’t see this as the end-all forum for what I believe or trust.

It has been, however, a great gateway to meet people who are open to discussing the things that are meaningful to me.

I don’t really care about the general discussion if it disagrees with my personal philosophy.
Often, I learn something that adds to my experiences, but I’m not going to dispute things that are faith or personal-experienced based. It’s futile and leads to tears.

This is why fluther allows us PM capability.

We don’t have to take everything public, but we can find kindred souls.

I came back…did anyone miss me?

@Paradox25 You must know some like-minded people. Invite them to join in the discussions here and give you some backup. As one of the skeptics you often confront, I might not agree with every idea they advance. But I would welcome their input and keep an open mind.

@talljasperman Low and behold. You are back. Where you been? What led you to take a break, and then to return? Whatever, it’s good to see you back here.

@ETpro I was in the hospital for the past 5 months.

@Paradox25 Ah, “lively or interesting” I am all for it.
There are some who’s brand of fiery is being merely more adamant &/or dismissive and arrogant, but if you ask me that’s just lazy. That kind of fiery is a waste of time. But yours I welcome.

I think it’s hard to find debaters for theist and paranormal topics because getting anywhere with those subjects requires a non-rational preliminary ‘leap of faith’.
The science-is-my-religion-and-anyone-who-thinks-different-is-<disrespectful term> crowd pipes in more-or-less with the claim that if you can’t prove it, it isn’t real. That’s obviously ignorant of the nature of scientific inquiry and of reality but that’s where those folks adamantly draw the line.
Folks who’d like to discuss a theist topic or a paranormal topic often get tired of that unimaginative prove-it-or-eat-dirt crap and leave a question because of it. But once in a while I see a good non-rational question get quite a ways without a turd in the punchbowl.

But I second @ETpro‘s suggestion to invite your like-minded friends to fluther, we need more thinking like that.

@talljasperman Five months in the hospital. It must have been something serious. I’m delighted you’re back out and with us. Wishing you a full recovery and return to your normal activity level. I am just recovered from lineal hernia surgery and finally back to where I can do a full workout. I know very well that getting out of the hospital is just the beginning of the battle back to normalcy.

@ETpro My real life friends are not the debating type, nor into discussing issues of this magnitude. If the discussion doesn’t involve cars, trucks, motors, hunting, guns, video games, tv shows, girls, etc then it would be a waste to them. In fact I wouldn’t even invite them on here, for they would make me look bad.

I’d be forced to consider users on other online forms that I post on. The problem is that as smart as some of these people are, they seem to be content with their current online residence and show little interest in going elsewhere. Most of them are usually very busy as well and they don’t post regularly even on those forms. I’d even tried to get Ron Pearson, a popular college lecturer, engineer, author, inventor and proparanormal scientist to come on here, but he’s way up in age and too busy battling other scientists over his theories.

@dabbler Yeah that other type of ‘fiery’ has caused me to eliminate accounts on both skeptical and Christian forms. The problem with bringing religion into the picture is that it relies on faith, so it’s very difficult to be tangible. These discussions usually turn into something along the lines of my Savior is the only true one, my religious philosophy is more sound then your religion’s, my God is the only true one, etc. In fact most religious people on here avoid debating because they acknowledge that their faith is just that, faith. The few that do attempt to debate their religion on the grounds of authenticity usually get crushed on here (obvious outcome) and then disappear.

On the other hand discussing paranormal phenomena is a different ballgame, because it is not a topic of religious faith but actual alleged occurances. It is a more tangible subject because the scientific method and empirical data can apply here. I’ve posted many examples of these such as scientific evidence of mediumship, scientific evidence of telepathy, strong physical evidence that near death experiences are likely not hallucinations, evidence where mediums helped police detectives solve dead end cases, etc. This isn’t the thread for discussing these, but fluther acquiring cardiologists, neurosurgeons, physicists, psychologists, etc that agree with me on such controversial topics would make fluther more interesting.

@talljasperman I see that you’re back answering/asking questions again ;-)

@Paradox25 Well, it was worth a try. I’ll do my best to give your evidence fair weighing and post accordingly.

” I still have the pipe that Gary hand-carved for me”

@rangerr I have mine, too!

bythebay!

Since we’re making lists, I here’s a few I miss: @johnpowell, @PnL, @jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities, @dog, @sndfreQ, @robmandu, hmm, probably should stop there before I get too bummed out.

Don’t seen @Harp around much anymore, even though is says he logs in.

I used to come here all the time. Then I lost interest for a couple reasons. I’ve tried to get back into fluther, but I’ve resigned myself to the fact it will never be that site I obsessively check anymore, ever again. Even if it found a way to be what I feel it used to, it could never go back to that place in my heart.

To be specific. People here can be assholes who justify it because they’re veterans, or because the other person’s opinions are stupid, or the person misspelled a word. And after a while, every discussion feels redundant. Before I came here, I joined another Q&A site. Things you passionately debate the first few times don’t really seem worth your time eventually. And then there’s the cliches. Nobody ever gave a damn about me, so I found it really depressing how everyone else it seemed had developed relationships, were fb friends, messaged frequently. I can never seem to get into the cult-like community of internet sites, so not everyone has loyalty to fluther.

I’m skimming the list of names of those we miss. I’m not seeing petethepothead. (you forgot your dedicated moderator @Blondesjon)

@hug_of_war For what it’s worth, I like you. :)

@jonsblond . . . i know, right? it’s worse than forgetting about dre . . .

Pete still updates his tumblr every few months, so he’s at least alive… but we had quite the falling out, so I have’t actually heard from him in… years now. I do miss him.

Hey! Look! It’s rangerr!

Supermouse
Glacial
tom_g
Mama_Cakes

Not seen for months: Jeruba

Hardly here anymore: ETpro, Seek_Kolinahr

Tom_g has returned under an alias.

Another young flutherer, who took a very long hiatus, has also returned, as smart, sensible and sassy as ever.

I noticed Hawai_Jake doesn’t show up much anymore, and seeing what’s in his profile, I don’t think he’s very happy with the site anymore. :/

@Symbeline He just asked a big question.

Notice I said he doesn’t up much anymore, I didn’t say he left altogether.

Wasn’t being critical, just trying to be helpful.