Why would I be the "bad girlfriend' if I don't want him getting lap dances?

Yes, it’s just you.

@Kropotkin: That’s not fair. Just because you don’t feel that way doesn’t mean you can speak for everyone else.

@chelle21689: May I ask how long you’ve been with your boyfriend?

At a bachelor party? No, I wouldn’t be upset. If he was one of those men that frequents strip clubs, I’d have a problem with it. Then again, I wouldn’t be with a man that visited strip clubs on a regular basis. Luckily, my husband has no interest in strip clubs. His response to a lap dance? “No, I don’t want your crabs in my face, but thanks for the offer.” Plus, all the attention would just embarrass him.

Two years. Keep in mind there’s no issues going on with my bf about this. It’s just something that came up in my mind because our friends are getting married soon. So don’t attack me please lol

It would not be acceptable in my relationship either. If my husband wanted a lap dance I’d tell him to just go home with her because he would no longer have a home to come home to.
He’s not the type anyway though.

There’s nothing bad about you not wanting (or liking) a naked girl grinding on your boyfriend for money. Don’t let the opinion of others get to you.

@chelle21689: Oh, I didn’t ask to attack you. I asked because I’m also engaged. Way at the beginning of our relationship, he went to a bachelor party, and I knew he was going to a strip club. I was BESIDE MYSELF. Until somehow I found out that he, his best friend, and one of their good friends all went to the club because they had to, but were all bored out of their minds because none of them have any interest in them at all, much less participating in the “activities” provided. While I generally am not thrilled with the idea of some woman shaking her stuff in his face, I know that she’d have to force herself on him, as he’s not interested. And he’s CERTAINLY not giving her any money… lol.

I understand your feeling. Perhaps talk to him about it? In as non-confrontational a way as possible.

Lol, I wasn’t saying you were attacking me. But I was just thinking some people on here might

Not only that, but some lap dances do have some touching if the stripper allows. O.o No touching BS

I think it’s perfectly OK not to want that happening.

My wife wouldn’t mind, I think, but that’s primarily because it would be a hypothetical anyway.
She always says she wouldn’t care, but I wouldn’t want to test her on it. :)

I don’t think you’re being a “bad girlfriend”. Sounds like you and your boyfriend have some standards that the rest of your friends don’t have.

I’ve always thought bachelor parties were like New Years Eve: an excuse for people who don’t drink much to get drunk, and nothing comes of it except pissed off spouses, girlfriends, and fiances.

Not a good use of the word “bad” in my opinion.
But that is another question.
Tell him you are thinking about hiring yourself out as a lap dancer at some college kid’s bachelor party. Tell him you think it would be good for laughs.

It’s not just you, and no one understands the relationship between partners except those two, so don’t get defensive.

My husband hasn’t gone to a strip club (that I know about) since we started dating thirteen years ago. I think it’s disrespectful and he agrees, we discussed it before marriage as well as most single guys in our area go sometimes. They’re pretty skanky here, BYOB and all that, gross.

That being said, when his best friend got married and had a stripper, I stayed home and told him to have fun and cut loose. There was one girl there besides the stripper and she was the one wife/ SO that didn’t trust her man to act appropriately without her supervising. That is overbearing and not cool.

See the difference? I trust my husband, but it’s not something that I want in a husband, nor does he want me rubbing or fondling other men. Mutual respect and honesty are very important in a relationship.

Some of our friends started ribbing me about it, so I said Okay let’s go right now. My husband had forgot his ID at home…lol It’s not important that other people outside the relationship understand. In the end, the people in the relationship make the relationship rules together and it’s no one else’s business.

Everyone always tries to butt in, but you need to learn now that that is not appropriate for them to do, especially in a marriage or potential marriage.

*My girlfriend and I used to hang out with a stripper or two or three as friends in my mid-20’s, and let me tell you, some of them will do anything for a line of crack, anything.

It’s all preference and opinion, but I don’t think it’s a big deal.

What we think is irrelevant. So trying to have us vaidate your feelings is not useful, since our relationship dynamics are different than yours and his.

I don’t really care if my fiancee goes to a strip club for something like a bachelorette party. We have had in depth discussions over boundaries in our relationship and she understands my perspective very well. We both know where we come home to, so I trust her judgment to guide her well.

So from my perspective you seem a bit insecure, but again. My relationship is different from yours. Some couple are perfectly fine with stripping, others with swinging, others with orgies. The only opinions that matter are yours and your boyfriends since you two are stuck together. You both need to discuss your preferences and boundaries and agree on something you both can live with. Do not fall into the trap of using anyone else’s relationship as a template.

Not to be cliche, but opinions are like assholes – we all have one. This is purely opinion/preference-based, so no one should give you flack for not wanting some naked girl with daddy issues rubbing her boobies in your boyfriend’s face. I think it’s completely normal to feel that way, and it doesn’t automatically mean you don’t trust him.

Some women are totally fine being married to a man that comes home after work, opens up a beer, plops down on a recliner in front of the TV, and unbuttons his pants before asking what’s for dinner. That’s fine for some. Just because the mere thought of such a man makes me gag doesn’t mean everyone should feel that way.

I wouldn’t like it. I’m sure my husband wouldn’t like it if some guy gave me a lap dance, either.

Agreed with the above who state that our opinions won’t help your situation.

That said, my relationship is a little weird: I personally don’t give a crap whether my partner goes to strip clubs. I see nothing wrong with the practice at all. My husband used to work in a strip club, as a bouncer, before I met him. Thus, he’s kind of numb to the whole thing, and has no interest.

He’s gone to one as long as I’ve known him. His friend’s son turned 21, so he took the boy and some friends out partying, so they’d have a good designated driver and someone to make sure everyone got home safe. He told me afterward that he took them to a local nude club and bought the kid a lap dance.

I was kind of jealous that I wasn’t invited (designated driver is practically my part-time job), but it was a stag party so I didn’t expect to be. That’s about it.

I would not like it either if my husband got one.

From a personal perspective, my wife would trust me and have a similar “knock yourself out” attitude. But only if no money changed hands. If I spent cash on something that frivolous sh*t would hit the proverbial fan.

I don’t understand the fascination with strippers myself, male or female. I’d rather have my husband do a little dance for me than a stranger.

@KNOWITALL I wouldn’t be opposed to a male stripper – but I’d prefer he be gay. It sounds like it would be a blast at a private party. Chippendales, though? No thanks. Too cheesy.

I hear private female dancers at bachelor parties tend to get crazier than the men, in general. My step-father said the girl at his bachelor party had him get on his hands and knees, straddled his back like a horse, and spanked him. He said it was embarrassing and borderline annoying. I’d rather sit and enjoy the view without being humiliated, personally.

Would I prefer to see my husband do a little dance for me? Shhyea! But it’ll be a cold day in hell when he does something like that for me. I’m lucky to get an accidental butt shot when he gets out of the shower. Prude! Haha.

Any boyfriend who wants strange boobs in his face is not someone I’m particularily interested in being with. Skeezy.

@livelaughlove21 “borderline annoying” what a great term. And, so adaptable to so many different things!

@livelaughlove21 Oh honey, I’ve been to see them when I was single- Chippendales’, skeezers, private parties with junk up in my face, I used to be really wild. Like I said earlier I had some female stripper friends, too.

For me, I saw the pain behind the make-up and outfits, I saw a lot of single mom’s trying to support a child with a deadbeat dad not in the picture, I saw a lot of drug use and people using sex for money, STD’s. It only look fun and pretty on the outside and in my opinion, I wouldn’t want any of them exchanging any body fluids with me.

One would think that at the time they were going to get married that both were
in LOVE with each other in that they would consult each other on what would hurt them?
( thereby avoiding that situation).
Usually both are so in Love that they have outgrown strip club behavior?
It all depends on how each couple ( getting married) feels and communicates to his her
Love of their lives.
It is seen as an initiation process, by mostly males.( upon giving up single life)?

No, you wouldn’t.

OP: Your feelings are normal. Those who say you shouldn’t feel that way are posers (women) or douchebags (men). The tricky thing is how to communicate this to your bf. I can understand why a gf would feel the way you do, but I would never allow her to forbid me from going. If it’s just an occasional bachelor party, it may not be worth fighting over. Not everybody in a bachelor party has to get a lapdance anyway.

This kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but I’m not you, and not in your relationship. Only you and your boyfriend can decide what your own boundaries are.

I’m with @livelaughlove21, if it was for some kind of stag do (bachelor party) then it wouldn’t be a problem. A couple of years ago my boyfriend’s good friend had a party in a strip club (he knew the manager very well) and, of course, I encouraged my boyfriend to go knowing full well he would probably get a dance but it was his (unmarried at the time) friend’s birthday after all. It didn’t bother me at all. It was a one off and I have no insecurities about his love for me so it didn’t seem like such a big deal. However, if he was a frequent visitor to strip/lap dancing clubs, then I would start to wonder why he needed that kind of entertainment when he has me athome.