How can I get over my boyfriend's past (relationships)?

Make a decision.
Dwell on it, or not.
Then stick to your decision. You are making it too complicated.

When you asked a similar question two months ago, here, you got thirty thoughtful and well-considered answers.

It sounds as though you are stuck in the same rut; I am not sure that there is anything new or original to say to you.

What about a therapist? You referred to that issue in this question

Were you ever able to resolve that? i am sorry that your life seems to be in such a turmoil? Do you have anyone who can help you unbraid some of the snarls?

He’s yours now. You won. Enjoy!

@gailcalled I haven’t been able to find a therapist. I did see another psychiatrist who again referred me to a 2 year program that has a very long waiting list. He said there isn’t anything he can do to help me as borderline’s require a “special type of treatment.” There is private therapy but I couldn’t afford even one session.

@Tequila: What about group therapy? Do you live near a university with a medical school?

Here’s the NAMI link again.

Unfortunately no. My university is kind of in the middle of nowhere, and I have used their mental health services before (their psychologist referred me to the same program). I have been trying to find group therapy but not having much luck. The 2 year program is a combination of group therapy and individual, plus medication if need be. The last time I checked the waiting list itself was 2 years.

Unfortunately you have one of the hardest to deal with mental illnesses there is. I have no answer because even if I gave you the perfect answer you would find a reason not to implement it.

Instead of trying to get over someone else, try first to get over yourself.

“I am constantly fearing being abandoned by anyone, especially him…”

Careful what you proclaim in fear. The universe has a funny way of making us face our worst nightmares… just to prove it wasn’t all that big a deal.

“How do I STOP doing this?”

Just keep doing what your’e doing. He’ll leave you in the dust, and your worst nightmare will have manifested. You’ll learn to deal with it, and eventually realize what a complete fool you’ve been. Then you won’t do it anymore…

You’ll say “Silly girl… What was I thinking being so insecure back then… ha”. And you’ll laugh like an angel who’s won her wings back.

I’ve just read up a little bit about your condition, and how people without a lot of money might be able to get some help.

You may need to get onto Social Security/Disability and Medicaid, but to do that, you must first have a proper diagnosis. Maybe someone who has dealt with trying to get on disability could help out on this Q.

Someone on Yahoo Answers suggested that if you can’t get a diagnosis from a regular primary care physician or a psychiatrist (because you can’t afford to go to one of them) you may end up having to go to an emergency room and tell them that you are a danger to yourself, have those doctors give you your diagnosis, then apply for Disability. If you are able to get onto Disability and Medicaid, you should be able to see a doctor and get medication.

Here is some info about Medicaid

Here’s some info about Disability and mental illness.

Here is the actual Social Security Disability site.

For now, please try to stop worrying about your boyfriend and his ex girlfriends. It sounds like he’s sort of cheating on you already by going out to see them and texting and FB’ing them behind your back (which you mentioned on another Q). It doesn’t really matter why he’s doing it, just that he IS doing it. This may not be the right guy for you.

But if you want to try to work it out with him, you really need to get your medical/mental problems taken care of first, which means you need to have a serious conversation with him about your need to get help. He, or someone else that is close to you (that you can trust, and who is smart enough to figure out how all of this Social Security/Disability/Medicaid stuff works) is probably going to need to help you.

If your boyfriend can’t or won’t help you, then you need to entrust someone else to help you get the treatment and benefits that you need. Your mental health is really the most important part about this question, not the fact that your boyfriend talks to other girls. Like I said, if he’s doing that behind your back and doesn’t want to quit, then you should probably break up with him, anyway, and don’t get into another relationship until you have this mental health situation well in hand. If you don’t get help, one way or another, this relationship isn’t going to last anyway, because the boyfriend (good or bad) will not be able to deal with your very serious problems indefinitely. Unfortunately, with mental illness, unlike other illnesses like cancer or diabetes, the mental illness itself becomes part of the problem within the relationship if it manifests itself the way it has here.

If any of you guys can recall a couple of Jellies who went through the process of applying for disability, maybe you can forward this Q to them.

@Kardamom , getting disability is harder than one ER visit and they always turn you down the first time then you have to do a request for reconsideration. there is a high chance that will also be denied. Then you have to appeal which can take 3+ years. They need a psychiatrist or a psychologist to write a proper report with all the proper jargon and prognosis information. It is coded in a way that allows the judge to measure the severity and the probability of recovery. I had to pull teeth with my son’ doctor. I thought he had written the report at the request for reconsideration phase and he hadn’t so we had to wait over 3 years for the appeal hearing. At that time I had already spent several hundred thousand dollars but I finally had the correct report to get him his disability. Once he was able to get the proper medications and not have to worry about at least minimal living expenses he actually got a lot better and is holding down a job with great insurance so he quit the disability. If he has a major relapse he should be able to get back on a lot easier.
@Tequila , did you at least put yourself on the waiting list for the program?

Find one small thing you can do to shift your beliefs, thinking or habits. It doesn’t matter how small. Pursue it casually as if you are trying out a small experiment that you attend to when it suits your schedule. When you start to feel a little better, do it a little more.

All you are doing by thinking of things like this is increasing your chances of losing him.

The way to get over your boyfriend’s past relationships is to celebrate them.
Remind yourself they are part of what made your boyfriend the person he is today.

You should start by getting on the waiting list for that program. If it is a DBT program, they are very effective for treating borderline personality disorder. Are you on meds now? If so, consider one that also has the ability to limit obsessive thoughts.

I had the same issues until my boyfriend told me that he wouldn’t tolerate it. If he’s doing nothing wrong, then just don’t ever mention it again, and if you have doubts in your head, keep it to yourself.

Realize it makes you look like a jealous shrew and is very unattractive in a mate. You owe him your trust, and he owes you the same. I feel for ya, but it’s part of growing up into a secure, intelligent, attractive woman. Don’t let your past or your issues affect a relationship that means so much to you. Good luck.