Can you give me some relationship advice?

Reach out. Not too much. Text him and suggest something. It can and does happen where the most perfect seeming thing, you could even have met the parents..and the person just stops responding. Not saying this is what is happening at all, just that it can and does happen. You are young, reach out and don’t over think it. You are doing all the right things, it sounds like.

Your turn to call him or write him! It’s not a matter of too clingy to just ask him to go do something.

I realize it may appear too aggressive from your culture, but if you have had sex with him and you’ve stayed at his place (and met his parents on the phone!) you can call him no problem.

So it’s been less than 24 hours?

Maybe he’s sleeping. Or studying. Or taking a walk.

Shoot him a text. Or just call him. What’s the big deal? Nice meeting your mum, let’s get supper.

Why the drama?

The image from my youth is of the ever-hopeful young woman “waiting by the phone” and hoping for it to ring.

Nowadays, that image is as quaint as that of people riding buggies with horsewhips in hand, isn’t it? If you want to go do something in the city, surely there must be things that you’d like to do regardless of whether or not he wants to, aren’t there? Or things that you may even want to do alone. So go do things!

Be that blunt and straightforward person yourself! Text him, “I’m going to ____ today. Catch you later!” Or, “I’m going to _____ today. You can find me there if you want to.” The first way he should get the message: “This is something I want to do by myself. I’ll see you later.” The second is an open invitation.

What’s the big deal here?

It sounds good and like maybe it is your turn to call. Don’t get worried if he skips a day, he may be busy, but it is certainly appropriate to call and suggest a get together if there is something you’d like to do.
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How about sending a text or email saying that you had a wonderful weekend and are looking forward to seeing him again? It lets him know that you are happy with things between you, but doesn’t seem aggressive as suggesting specifics for the next date.

“I going to the city to do“_____”. Do you want to come along?
You still have a life and are not waiting, putting your life on hold for him but you are willing to include him. If he doesn’t want to go or can’t, still go yourself.

If you have slept together and met his parents, why are you letting him be the only driver of the relationship bus? Why aren’t you dong your part? You should be suggesting outings too. Call him!

As long as you’ve not taken as much initiative as he has, you’re not too clingy or too eager. If he gets annoyed or otherwise thinks you’re seeing eachother too much, he can either cut back the amount of initiative he’s taking himself, or just say so.

All of your advice makes sense to me, and sounds good. However, I keep thinking, if this guy really wants to see me or is thinking about me – wouldn’t he be messaging me? I’d love to take some initiative, but also do not want to scare him off…

What about what YOU want?

I could, but i’m afraid i’ll say something flippant & have my response removed as being unhelpful, what with this being in gene…oh poo!

I think that if you simply send one of the “Hey, I’m going to do XYZ tomorrow. Would you like to join me? I think it would be fun to go there with you.” messages, you are taking the initiative without being pushy. It’s not an aggressive message, it shows that you like doing things with him but you’re not going to cling to him. As others have said, whatever activity you choose, make sure you go do it even if he can’t go.

@nuclear Reading back over your subsequent responses, sounds like YOU are not interested in a relationship, because you are trying to read his mind, and not your own, and you are not willing to do the work necessary to keep this going!

He is sitting there thinking, “she never ever starts anything and is only willing if I think up something, but she doesn’t care enough to even write me or text me. I guess she is not interested.”

For heaven’s sake, call him. He could be under the weather or had an accident. Relax and stop stewing. You’re making him do all the initiating. That’s playing games.

Have you ever thought maybe he is thinking the same thing you are? Maybe he feels like he’s been acting too clingy. Maybe he thinks he’s been being too aggressive in making all the plans. Maybe he wants to test you and see if you are actually as interested in him as he is in you. Call him. Show him you are. Texting him and casually asking him to hang out won’t appear to eager. It’ll be fine.

It takes two to tango, from experience be sure to keep the lines of communication open, don’t make him be the one to reach out everytime to do something because in time he will question in his mind on whether or not you are interested or not. You seem shy and unsure of yourself, you are at the point of your relationship where things are new and exciting….. reach out…...no regrets….......

Communication is the key to success, always.

Would it be too forward to ask about where he sees this going? He actually did get in touch with me last night, we went out with friends and we spent the night together again.

It seems like we are both a little confused about what is going on, eg sometimes he is very cuddly and affectionate and other times he seems a bit indifferent.

I just messaged him and told him that I had a fun time with him last and that It’d be great if he comes out again tonight.

Should I just ask how he is feeling too ? He has told me before he isn’t very forward with girls…

How long has it been? And before you start asking questions, you might want to ask yourself whether you could accept whatever answer he gives.

We have been talking every day for two months, and we first met each other in person a month ago… from last week we have been living in the same city, and have seen eachother basically every night since we’ve been here.

I am just not good at dealing with uncertainty. Its almost like I’d rather know what is going on, be it good or bad…

He made comments last night saying like “next time you stay over you should bring…” etc, but then this morning he seemed so indifferent, it seems like he is confused too. I hate this feeling!

I am tempted to just say, “hey, I really like you, do you feel the same? Are we more than friends? If not, that’s cool, but I wanted to throw that out there.” Or something… I mean, we have become very close, and have slept together quite a bit… but I know obviously that doesn’t mean there is a relationship here, but I definitely don’t want to become a friend with benefits…

It’s entirely up to you and what you need. I have clarified relationships, sometimes to my dismay. If you are clear that you want to know, then ask. It seems a little early but then you have been sleeping together a lot.

The times you really wish for a crystal ball…

I would not take his occasional indifference for not being interested. This is a very broad generalization but I think many guys (thinking of one in particular) compartmentalize and just are focused on other things some of the time. Or just waking up or hungry…..

It sounds like he likes you a lot.

Do realise that he might very well not be too sure about where he sees it going as well. It might be better to just go with the flow and see where it gets you, and enjoy the ride while you’re riding it.

That said, you could just ask him that and he could just answer that he doesn’t know. Talking about things is always better than trying to guess what the other is thinking – in fact, the latter is not unlikely to lead to trouble/the relationship in whatever form ending.

Just logged on to ask a question about books, and to my chagrin also read a couple of my past questions. It is amazing how much you grow up in the space of a couple years.

Anyway, I am marrying the guy I was referring to in the question above in five months. Guess I didn’t need to worry so much. Haha. Can’t help but be amused!

Congrats!