Is it wrong for a teenage girl to be in a relationship with a 30 year old man?

If she was 18 or over, nothing much I could do about it. If she was 16, I’d chain her in the basement. lol It is not so much a question of right or wrong, it is a legal matter, a maturity matter, and a matter of ethics. It’s great your parents relationship worked out, but…IMO, most 30 yr. old men going for barely legal young girls have issues of their own, at the very least extreme immaturity and at worst borderline pedephelia issues.

What is considered wrong changes with time.
Today your father would be in jail and on a sex offenders list as a horrible paedophile.

Just a question that maybe off topic here…but have you girls ever been attracted to 30 year old guys when you were teens and had you ever seen yourself falling in love with such a man?

@Eggie I was attracted to older guys, but I had daddy issues since my dad wasn’t around. I didn’t act on them, much. ;)

If my niece asked my opinion, I would say that a 30 yr old man is in a different place in his life and talk through it. If he was great and his family was good, etc…I may support the marriage in the end.

I agree with @KNOWITALL The gap narrows as time marches on. A 12 or 15 year gap is not going to have as much of an impact between a 30 year old and 40 something yr. old, but the gap between 16 and 30 is huge, in terms of emotional and mental maturity.

@KNOWITALL According to my mother at the time, she said that her father was an alcoholic but he was very protective over her and the rest of her sisters. He wasn’t a sexual abuser or a domestic abuser but he wasn’t the best of all dads. Anyway she was working at the same place where my dad worked, trying to make some extra cash, and she described my dad as really respectful, nice, helpful and handsome—yuck—!. But she made mention that one of the reasons that she stayed with him was at that time she wanted to be rebellious of her dad and being with my father was a way of showing him that she can do what she wants. She said that it made her feel really adult at the time and I suppose that was a thrill for her and most girls in that situation. FWI, she came onto him, she was pretty hot at the time so I guess he just entertained her until she became pregnant…...

When I was 14, I wanted to date a 21 year old. My mother was not happy and I wasn’t allowed to see him. I didn’t pursue him. When I was 16, my first boyfriend was 21, and she didn’t mind then. We lasted 5 years. All my boyfriends have been older. I think once you re in your twenties, then age gaps aren’t really noticeable to question.

@Eggie I’d say if it was consensual, the only thing he messed up was not using protection.

For a lot of men (I have guy friends), it’s sometimes difficult to tell how old a girl is with all the hormones giving your cycles and body parts earlier maturity. Additionally, it’s more socially acceptable for an older man to pick up a younger girl, and some girls purposefully seek either daddy figures or ‘Sugar daddy’s’.

The blame isn’t always on the man, in my opinion.

Parents need to be involved enough in their kids life to know what is really going on as well.

In NY that is called Rape in the 3rd Degree – a.Class E Felony – even if it is consensual. The DA can prosecute without the victim’s consent.
NY state has decreed 16 year old females are incapable of giving consent. As the commercial used to say: “You’ve come a long way, baby.”

That was a different era. Things are WAY different now.
I am in my 50’s and not until recently did I realize that I was really a victim of pedophiles when I was “dating ” men in their mid 20’s and early 30’s when I was 14–17.
I was groomed for the part. Although I thought it was my choice at the time, I now realize how easy it is to manipulate a 14 year old, especially if she’s a little rebellious at home.
I’m glad your parents weren’t a statistic and that your dad really loved and respected your mom and didn’t use her. That’s the one in a million chance my little girl self was looking for.

I thought 16 was the age of consent in most states? What is the age of consent in New York State now, @LuckyGuy?

When I was 16 (31 years ago) my peers weren’t involved with much older men and getting married – but maybe it’s a regional thing. I certainly had crushes on men in their late 20s and older when I was a teen, but I never would have considered something might develop.

Also, for those who say the age gap gets lesser over time, I feel that it widens again later… 30 and 44 might not seem so far apart, but 56 and 70 do seem far apart for me. That’s why I wouldn’t date anyone more than 6 years from my age when I was single.

@hearkat Good observation about the widening of that age gap. It has been on my mind lately.

And to answer the question, while I might have found the notion of such a relationship romantic when I was younger, now I just think it’s creepy as hell for the older of the two to want to hook up with someone that age. They know better, whether they’ll admit it or not.

If it was my daughter, no way before 18.
As for me and my crushes as young teen. I had two older guys I had it bad for.
But one was only 4 years older than me( I was ages 15–17)
and the other 5 years older(I was ages 13–17) (yes I had two overlapping crushes)
I would have had no interest in anyone much older than me than that.

@glacial Agreed, seriously…WTH would a 30 yr. old have in common with a 16 yr. old?
I am almost 54 and have had plenty of younger guys hit on me.
I hate the “cougar” thing. Go away little boy.

Are you freaking kidding me? Other than hot sex what could I possibly have in common with some wet behind the ears young greenhorn?
Nope….as a horsewoman I want my stallions mature, no frisky little colts for me, too much frolic and not stable under saddle.lol

Age of consent in NYS is 17.