Would you be insulted if you were lied to this obviously?

Why do you care?
What does it matter if they kiss or not?

They may have some situation (illness, sexual abuse in one of their past) that you are not aware of, that is none of your business. You’re right that they probably didn’t forget to kiss, but there is clearly some reason, that is none of your business, why they didn’t kiss.

Why would you be offended by something that’s none of your business???

I don’t care if they kissed. That is not my question @chyna.
They are very private people and evidently told the minister “do not say ‘now you may kiss the bride.’

So what? Why would anybody care and then on top of that, also be insulted?

I would be insulted.

I would demand that they kiss or that they reimburse me for the wedding present, as the ceremony was less than satisfactory to my liking.

@Kardamom I was not insulted that they didn’t kiss. I was insulted that she looked me in the eye and lied to me.
@Nimis I didn’t care about it. I was insulted that she thought I was that naive.
It seems to me that my question won’t be answered. And that’s fine with me. lol

Well…then I would slap the groom with my glove and challenge him to a duel, since his newly betrothed be-nuptialed had so sullied my honor with her blatant lie.

@Nimis I never considered doing that. But I was insulted that she thought I would buy into such a lie . Maybe I’m too honest. I don’t know.

@Aster She lied to you, because the question you asked her was nervy and that of a busybody. It was none of your business! You have no reason right to be insulted, because you were in the wrong for even asking such a personal question that was none of your business.

Oh; alright. Well, I will put the dogs to bed now and let the somewhat cranky ladies on here discuss it. lol

@Aster Serious answer. If they wanted to share, they probably would have without you asking. But they didn’t. People don’t usually respond well to prying. I wouldn’t be insulted, as its not really my business in the first place.

@Aster You are not too honest, you simply don’t know how to filter yourself, and you don’t know what is appropriate and not appropriate to ask someone in a social situation.

How do you not get that the couple’s decision not to kiss was personal and none of your business? Would you think it was proper if you asked them what sexual positions they were going to take on their honeymoon, just because it might have popped into your head? There are many, many subjects in this world that are personal and private and do not involve you. If you ask questions about those personal topics, that are none of your business, then it is you who is the one being rude, not them.

No one likes a busybody.

I would not be insulted by a lie such as this. For me to feel insulted by a lie, it would have to have something to do with me personally. Whether or not they kissed at their wedding has absolutely zero impact in my world. They may have been so shocked by the question that all they could think of was to say they forgot.

Perhaps she was offended by the intrusiveness of your question, and that was the most polite thing she could think of to say under the circumstances.

I wouldn’t be insulted, I would just wonder what was so important that rated a lie rather than the truth. If they’re people who are so close to me that they invited me to their wedding, I guess there must be a serious reason.

My daughter married a few weeks ago.
When the Pastor said “You may kiss the bride”, it began a big, 11 second long sloppy kiss in front of everyone. It was not sweet, but kind of a public display of affection I thought they both had grown out of.
I would be fine with a couple not wanting to do that in front of everyone.

To the question, if she feels sensitive enough about it to lie, cut her some slack. It’s her day, and her wedding.
Would you feel better if she said “Jimmy had a herpes outbreak on his lip that we covered with make-up, but he is still communicable.”

Blatent oddness is cause to comment to a close friend so why the big mystery right? Dumb to lie.

@filmfann But to complete the analogy, would you have asked, “Why did you choose to do an 11-second, sloppy kiss in front of everyone during your wedding?”

Talk about being easily insulted.

I think it was an odd thing to lie about. “We chose to skip it,” would’ve been a sufficient answer. Still, I find it odd that you felt the need to ask. If they wanted to do it, they would have. They didn’t, so I don’t know why you’d ask them about it.

I’ve never heard of skipping the wedding kiss, private people or not. You don’t have to stand there and make out, but there’s nothing inappropriate about kissing your SO in front of your wedding guests. You’re “sealing it with a kiss” – why not? My kiss with my husband was about 5 seconds long, no tongue, and resulted in great pictures. We also did this kiss for a nice photo op.

Still, I wouldn’t have asked. Not my wedding, not my business.

Here’s a thought. Why not consider the possibility she wasn’t lying—give her the benefit of doubt. Perhaps they were stressed (in part because they were standing in front of so many people) and DID forget. Anyway, you should get over feeling insulted. Not worth the energy.

Yes, I would be insulted. It completely offends me when someone lies to me and expects me to believe something so silly.

Sometimes, when people lie, they don’t expect you to believe them… They expect you to understand that they don’t want to discuss the issue.

What you were told certainly is a lie. It’s a bald-faced, no-doubt-about-it out-and-out lie. A total fabrication. An untruth. But it was a white lie.

Your victim respondent told you “we forgot” instead of telling you “It’s none of your GD business why we wrote the ceremony exactly as we did.”

EDIT: So, to answer your question, no I would not be insulted. I would apologize – sincerely – for having asked, and wish them all the happiness in the world in their marriage.

They obviously forgot that pleasing you should have been their top priority.

Many people lie when they feel someone asked a question that is rude or none of their business. Am I insulted sometimes when they lie to me? Sometimes I am. Especially if it is someone who I consider to be a very close friend or family member, and I had the idea we don’t keep things from each other.

When someones lies about things like this and it is blatantly obvious it is a lie it is so ridiculous. Do they think they got away with it? I don’t know what people like that really think. It seems weak to me. Better to say, “we omitted the kiss for personal reasons.” She doesn’t have to explain what the reasons are.

As I get older I understand it better and I learned to ask fewer questions, especially with certain people. I really don’t care to be nosey, I usually ask questions out of interest not judgement and not to gossip. So, if someone is going to get bent out of shape I just stop asking them questions like that.

@longgone A lot of people don’t understand that, because it is only custom in some places. The south does that a lot. They will even completely ignore a question and just babble on about something else like they didn’t hear it. To other people it can seem passive aggressive, or dismissive, obnoxious, all sorts of negatives. Not that it matters, because probably the question asked was rude in a lot of instances.

I just read the other answers. Mine would merely be repetition.

So, are the dogs all tucked in now?;-)

^Not sure what that means?

@chyna Because Aster went to put the dogs to bed.

I guess I’m not understanding why it’s so hard to believe that, with all the wedding stress, drama, “hurry up”, and “slow down and enjoy it” they might sincerely have just forgotten in the moment? Weddings are some seriously scary moments. People are excited, especially the bride and groom.

Sometimes the soon-to-be-married say the wrong words, sometimes one of them faints. Maybe someone in the front row has a raging gastrointestinal problem. Maybe the preacher (minister) didn’t actually say those fateful words about kissing the bride? I don’t know, but I do know it’s nobody’s business why they didn’t kiss.

@JLeslie “Better to say, ‘we omitted the kiss for personal reasons.’ She doesn’t have to explain what the reasons are.”

That would work on someone who is tactful and considerate. If you’re dealing with a prying busybody relative, tact and consideration go out the window.

Some of my older relatives are like this. They pry into every little detail of your life, then nag, worry, and offer tons of heavy-handed unsolicited advice. They’re also overly sensitive and easily offended. As a result, I’ve learned to give them bland, positive, simple answers that aren’t likely to lead to further questions.

With someone like that, telling them you’re doing something for “personal reasons” is like chum in the water. They will not let the matter drop until you explain. I can understand why telling an obvious white lie would be easier than dealing with that.

^^ Exactly!

I would not have been insulted because I would not have asked such a question in the first place, so I would have no answer to speculate on.

I wouldn’t be offended. I would be offended, if I had deliberately chosen to forego part of my own wedding ceremony for personal reasons and someone publically quizzed me about it.

“We forgot”, in this context, translates as “Mind your own damn business”.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room Indeed. People forget all kinds of things during the stress of a wedding. Prince Charles forgot his own name when he married Diana.

That kind of lie doesn’t affect me so no, it wouldn’t bother me. Like you, I may find it a bit odd but they obviously had their reasons for not kissing. If I suspected they were lying when they said they forgot (although, personally I would have probably believed them as I know how swept up the newlyweds get in the wedding day, most newly weds I know tell me that they barely saw their new spouse until the last guests had gone home!) I would assume that they just weren’t comfortable sharing their reasons but I wouldn’t take it personally.

They told the minister to leave it out. What minister, who marries people all the time, would forget to say, “now you may kiss the bride.” He was told to omit it.
But y’all are right. I should not have asked HER. But I’m glad I did, strangely. I did not ask her where anyone else could hear me.
There is no question in my mind, though, that had it been YOUR very best friend you would have asked which would be none of your business. But she was and is not my best friend. She’s a relative. My best friends would not have lied. They would have explained their reasons to me in detail. That’s just the way my friends operate.

Aster, how do you know he was told to omit it and why does it matter?

Personally, I wouldn’t be bothered by the bride’s response. I would take it as a hint that she is trying to be polite (probably because she is family) and she does not want to talk about it. Perhaps she felt saying “it’s none of your business” would have been rude and she didn’t want to ruin her day with an argument.

He had to have been told to omit it since it is written in marriage ceremony books. Ministers do not forget it. They have said it for who knows how many decades?
Yes; she didn’t want to ruin her day with an argument. Had I thought for a second it would have caused an argument I certainly wouldn’t have asked her. But I know now after reading all these nice fluther comments that I did the wrong thing. I shouldn’t have asked her. You guys are right. I was wrong. I stand corrected. It was none of my business. I’m a busy body. No telling how many other questions and comments have come out of my busy body mouth. I have to be more careful in the future. I should have known better.

http://www.fluther.com/164954/can-you-believe-this-middle-aged-woman-would-do-such-a/

This issue has arisen several times before, as I recall.

@Haleth I disagree, but we can agree to disagree. My experience with people who tend to ask a lot of questions think evasive answers like lies are horrible. It doesn’t stop talk about what went on, but encourages it, because now the “busy body” is going to talk about how the bride is a liar. I respect someone’s right to not have to share private things, but they have to have the guts to say they don’t want to discuss it for private reasons. If a particular person is constantly a busy body, then they can address that with the particular friend or relative that they would appreciate no more persnal questions in general. But, see, the persn who lies or can’t say they prefer not to discuss it, they often have trouble dealing with things directly, and the person who sometimes asks inappropriate questions, they never learn unless they are spoken to in a direct way. The “liar” expects people to read between the lines and the busy body never sees between the lines. It’s not really that black and white, all of use are in the grey somewhere from whitish-grey to charcoal-grey.

I personally wouldn’t ask someone why they didn’t kiss, but I know I have asked questions that have bothered people, and the way I learn it my too intrusive is when someone points it out to me. On a different Q a jelly mentioned they hate being asked their wedding dats, I know I have done that sometimes when people tell me they are engaged. I don’t think I will do that anymore.

Funny, I don’t even remember kissing my husband at the end of our ceremony. I am pretty sure we did. If we hadn’t because the rabbi didn’t include it, it would not have been a major thing in my mind at all. Every wedding I go to I observe the different traditions and I don’t really analyze it. I like when the person conducting the wedding explains the traditions and what they symbolize. So, I like seeing what is put in, I don’t dwell on if something is left out.

@Aster if she had said they did not do the kiss for personal reasons she prefer not to discuss would have questioned her more? Or, accepted that there was a private reason? Do you now know this woman will lie to you? Does it make you trust her less? Even if you agree you should not have asked, do you trust her less?

In my opinion, why would the bride want to get into an argument or debate at her own wedding? She said what she said to shut up the person asking the question, and that was that. Apparently she felt that a detailed explanation was not necessary, and so she chose not to get into it.

@jca She asked her at the wedding? I missed that.

@JLeslie: Yes.

Yes, yes she did.

Oh. Somehow, like I said, I missed that. I never would have asked the bride anything on her wedding day. Nothing. Nothing at all. Everything would have been, “you look beautiful. The people I am sitting with are great. I’m having a great time. I met your parents, they are so nice,” etc.

If I know someone well then I ask all sorts of questions at a wedding, I ask about the dress, the choice of venue, etc. @Aster is being called a busybody here but I can’t be certain I wouldn’t have asked the same question (if, as I said, I know the bride or groom well enough.) On the other hand, if someone asked a question like this of me at my wedding, I wouldn’t automatically think they were a busybody, just curious as to why something so traditional was removed from the service.

@Leanne1986 Me too, I would think it is curiousity, because I tend to ask a lot of questions, but at the wedding the bride is all caught up in worrying everything is happening as she wanted and planned, so I wouldn’t point out something that might have not gone to plan, or that the bride might feel self conscious about. I would ask about thing I though were lovely and interesting, like something in the ceremony I had never observed before that was sweet or a tradition I didn’t know about. Probably I would ask the bride though, she is busy, maybe someone else from that church or something. Maybe it also depends on the size of the wedding.