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JennJ's avatar

Would You Close the Blog?

Asked by JennJ (35points) February 7th, 2014

Hi all! I’m hoping some of you fine jellyfish can help me with a problem.

I’ll just jump right in.

If you were keeping a blog so the biological family of a six-year-old adoptee could keep updated on her, and then you got a really vulgar, angry email when you missed a couple weeks of posting because you were sick, would you take the blog down and completely close the adoption?

(They are not allowed to have contact with the little one because they have trouble with drugs and alcohol, and the bio dad has now decided that we “stole” his child away from him, so we fear physical backlash as well.)

The little one is my bio daughter, and she was adopted by her step-dad in June with a voluntary waiver of rights from the bio dad, who knew that no contact was a very real possibility.

Oh, the uncle is the one who sent the letter.

Any help you can give on this would be amazing! I honestly feel completely lost, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision…

Thank you!!!

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10 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

If they are freaking out over the blog not being updated how do think they will react to it just vanishing?

“we fear physical backlash as well”

Your problems are bigger than not updating a blog. But if you are open to blocking them from being able to view the blog I can probably help you with that.

Cruiser's avatar

I would NEVER give anyone that kind of power over your good intentions. That child and the people that read your blog benefit from you generous efforts to keep them updated. Do not take it personally nor acknowledge this boorish behavior of the uncle…rise above it!

hearkat's avatar

Yikes. Psycho-exes is a topic I am all-too familiar with. I had to cut off visitation from my son’s father who had alcohol and drug addictions, and I didn’t tell him where we were living, either. I had the day care and the school on notice that he had no rights, and they were not allowed to publish his name or photograph is any publications. Always looking over your shoulder is a tough way to live.

Yes, I would want to shut down the blog. I would probably also consult my lawyer, because the over-the-top reaction from the uncle is nerve-wracking and you’re already getting scary vibes from the bio-dad – and who knows what they’ll do when they realize they’re cut off.

You might consider putting something up – a message to say that you don’t have time to keep the site up or something – just to try to be nice and remind them that it was being done as a courtesy, and they are not entitled to it. Again, I’d check with the lawyer first, because they know what you need to do to cover your ass based on where you live and the terms of your adoption agreement.

Buttonstc's avatar

Whatever else you do, don’t ever delete that email.

You said that the email was sent by the Uncle. Do you know for certain if the bio Mom and Dad are aware of this? If they really weren’t then it would be pretty harsh to take the blog down and punish them just because one member of the family is being a total asshole.

Since you mentioned fearing physical backlash,presumably they know where you live? If so, it may be wise to seek a legal restraining order.

Did the letter contain any threats toward you? If it did that may be enough proof to secure a restraining order.

Addicts and druggies can be totally unpredictable in terms of what they say they will do vs. what they will actually do.

Perhaps if you send the bio Mom a copy of the email sent by the Uncle, you can determine whether it was with her and the Dad’s knowledge or not. If they were not aware of it and apologize profusely, that may be enough to put an end to this nonsense as she will read the riot act to Uncle whoever.

If the response you get back is hostile and defensive that gives you the info you need and you should cut off all contact and get some legal counsel.

You really are under no obligation at all to keep posting this blog and you can tell them that in no uncertain terms. If they care at all about the child they will knock it off.

The only reason I advise to try to keep communication open is for your child’s sake. For one day she will express curiosity about her biological parents and it would be better for her to know that they still cared about her.

But if they insist upon continuing nastiness toward you then there’s no reason for you to put up with any more of it.

nebule's avatar

Yes, as others have said I would make sure that you are safe first and foremost.

hearkat's avatar

@Buttonstc – The OP is the bio-mom; it’s the bio-dad (who signed over his rights) and that side of the family the she’s kept the site for.

Buttonstc's avatar

Sorry I misunderstood that. I guess the word “adoptee” threw me off.

But, in that case, my advice is essentially the same regarding who was and was not aware of the tone and content of the Uncle’s email.

If theFather was unaware, its not really fair to punish him for the actions of another.

And if he can’t (or won’t ) tell his brother to knock it off, then cease contact. But on the off-chance that he really wasn’t aware, he should at least be given a chance to rectify the situation.

Cutting off all contact with no communication about it at all is a rather permanent decision which WILL effect the child years later.

Of course, if the Father is also acting like an asshole about this, then that’s really what needs to be done to keep both Mom and child safe. That is tha first priority.

JennJ's avatar

Thank you all so much for your responses! It turns out that the biological father was very aware of his brother’s actions. In fact, he was 90% responsible for them. He was always quite abusive…so no surprise there!

As it was a blog set up solely for them, I did end up closing it, and informing the other parties involved that no more harassment would be tolerated.

I loved all of your advice, and gave every one of you a “Great Answer”. You are all the best jellyfish ever! :-D

filmfann's avatar

I would just like to add that I think your keeping them informed to this point is commendable, and it is too bad they didn’t appreciate it.

hearkat's avatar

Thanks for the update, @JennJ – Good luck!

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