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talljasperman's avatar

Can I get my attitude back... should I even try (Details Inside)?

Asked by talljasperman (21739points) March 6th, 2014

I let the bastards grind me down, and I lost my morale 14 years ago in university. From being interrogated by the police twice for 3 hours a pop, and being dumped by my best friend and my girlfriend and failing out of university. All in two years. I am cooperative with my psychiatrist and I’m missing some of the chip on my shoulder, but that oomph is only slowly returning. How do I get my stones back? How do I get the courage back to grow a pair and move on? Have you ever let the bastards try to grind you down… How did you fight back? What works and what doesn’t?
Or should I keep quiet and slowly save money until I can have a safe adventure watching TV and YouTube ?

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18 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

Quit making pathetic excuses and stand up for what you want…NOW…not later.

talljasperman's avatar

@Cruiser Make me….ahh that felt good…Thank’s

Cruiser's avatar

@talljasperman “Smeck….smeck…smeck”...if those slaps to your forehead felt good… assured there is plenty more where those came from!

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

You spend too much time thinking, planning, remembering, dear. What you need is activity. Activity gets those endorphins going, that natural high which makes each day a little more cheerful.
Activity doesn’t have to be jogging or situps. Go to a park, walk if it is close, sit on a bench and feed pigeons or geese.
Go to a mall. Watch people as they go by and make up soap opera stories about them.
Stand in the yard with your arms outstretched and pretend you can fly.
It seems to me you take everything about every day very seriously. Sometimes it is good just to have the innocent whimsy of a child and just enjoy some little activity for a few minutes.

talljasperman's avatar

@Jonesn4burgers I finished the surf and turf levels on Facebook “Angry Birds Friends” I went shopping today, got a blood test and talked to my physiatrist. The rest of the day is Fluther and Answerbag, and YouTube. Whimsy I enjoyed a good secession of broccoli farts to my amazement all were dry.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

LOL. Lucky you. I had a Hershey bar which left me with a different outcome.
Tomorrow, try something a little less obligated then an appointment and giving up body fluids. Make it less frustrating than achieving a desired game level.
Do something pleasant, which involves something alive, and keep on the safe side, don’t let broccoli farts go unless you are near a change of clothes, just in case.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Sorry I have to ask, but after multiple police interrogations, losing a best friend, a girlfriend and all… well, was your attitude responsible for any of that? And if it was, then why would you want your attitude back?

pleiades's avatar

Hey man me too! I recently lost my “edge” maybe two years ago when my son was born… I was doing the whole college, work, thing too. Well my new year sucked. My restaurant closed and I had big plans to pay off all my debt in 2014. Well… my largest debt was wiped out because I was enrolled in debt protection that wiped out 4600$ which is huge for someone with no job, so that was cool. But you know what? I’m gaining my confidence back. I’m somewhat seeing the life of what if must have been like in the 50s and beyond for “stay at home moms” and that shit must’ve been tough! Because this sure is tough! But how many times in life do you get to spend weeks watching your young one? I see this as a curious opportunity and I’m soaking it in. I’ve also got a shit ton of free time to pursue my music and art at a high level and it feels amazing! Not amazing like, “hah hah I’m better than all these people who have a job and have to work, but more like amazing like wow I know this is what I want to do.”

I’ve also quit video games altogether. It literally was like quitting drugs or how people describe kicking cigarettes. I’m surrounding myself with many of my art projects and music. I’ve let a few friends back into my life who are artists and such but I need to get the confidence to go out there and network again. I used to be a network king and social butterfly but I kind of developed some elitist attitude and went away. I’m learning a lot but man, we gotta all hook up if we want to survive!

Take the heart of the beast and eat that shit! Get back into community college and pursue your passion! If not your passion pick something you’re good at then pursue your passion as a hobbyist when you land a good paying job or something!

Rahhh!! Good luck

Berserker's avatar

Cruiser; a hero. Seriously. Kinda needed that, myself.

I don’t know what fuckin society can do to someone that may shape and alter their personality, prolly a whole lot of psychological factors, coupled with the element of necessity. Such is my guess. And if I’m right, guess most of us are just a product of our environment. Sometimes you can be broken, sometimes you can’t, but one thing I’m pretty sure I know is that shit just keeps building up and shaping you. You have to be strong and live with it, because not everyone can, and you see them fall, and you don’t want that to happen to you. Human nature is sum ol’ bullshit, but it is what we run with, no matter the evolutions that occur. No choice.

The world is mean and evil, and you survive or you don’t. And I’m not bragging or playing the teacher, because I’m not really surviving. The difference between you and me is, you want to get it back, and I, in my case, don’t give a shit. But whatever the scenario, the possibilities are there, otherwise, as human built things, the questions would not be available. They are only available because somewhere, there is an answer. Finding it is something else, so often, we are jaded by the fact that it’s too hard to find. But hope means, it’s out there. Desolation is, will you find it? That defeated, you can just go all out with an axe called You. As in, just be who the fuck you are. And if Darwin thinks you’re an asshole or something, well then, it’s inevitable that you will simply meet your end somewhere….somehow…no one escapes, anyway. So just wait for it while living, but by being awesome. Time enough for the Earth when you’re dead.

Sometimes I look at the past and I’m like, man, I wish I was back there again. But by doing that, I’m not experiencing what’s going on right now. And if I REALLY didn’t appreciate it, I would have killed myself. Because we are always living in the present. The problem is destroying it with what was, or what could be. (the exception is, pay your bills, or fend off some bums) You can’t change shit that already happened, nor can you predict what has not been. Not trying to be insensitive or naught, I figure the only way I could give some kind of decent answer is by not really thinking about it. Straight dope yo. I find myself in the same boat as you, and the one mistake I’m making here, is that people will care. I can only better myself with myself. And if I don’t care to do it, I’m smart enough to blame my own self when the shit hits the fan.

ucme's avatar

You may have potential for massacre, sort of like a padawan serial killer.
Try it, every man needs a hobby.

GloPro's avatar

Maybe a puppy would help. Having something that loves and depends in you that has the added benefit of getting your ass out of the house…

hominid's avatar

The “you” from back then no longer exists and probably didn’t exist as you remember him. Whatever stories you are telling yourself about your past is coloring your perception of your present.

Rather than attempt to regain some mythical “you”, it seems that the only option you have is to try to be present for what is happening now. You might find that you have the freedom to respond how you choose. But if you find yourself spending more time reacting to more stories about the past through regret and anger, you’re likely not here at all, so you will find it difficult to be anything other than what your stories say about the “you” that supposedly existed long ago.

janbb's avatar

Get a job. Any kind, anywhere. You need to get out into the world. Someone you didn’t kiss 14 years ago is not worth thinking about any more.

Inspired_2write's avatar

when one does not live in the present nor find hope in the future then thay turn to the past as that is already known.
Uncertainty is the denominator in our lives.
Some find that exciting, others find it scary?
Dwell on possibilities for a better present and future rather than what did not work for you in the past, otherwise one imprisions oneself with regrets,anger etc
Free yourself from defeatist victum mentality…you are your own worst enemy, no one else.
Decide now, that you are entitled to live a productive happy life and stop beating yourself up.
Some times we give others the compassion and understanding and tolerance that we should also be giving to ourselves too.

janbb's avatar

Listen to your Mom.

Inspired_2write's avatar

I would rather that one determines for themselves what is correct for their lives in order to move forward to a happy existence.
One has to be ready, it cannot be cajoled (persuade someone to do something by sustained coaxing or flattery).
He has to determine IF and when he is ready on his own.
I imagine that is what fluthers foruum does…gives us different perspectives and then we ultimately choose which would best work for each other.

janbb's avatar

@Inspired_2write Makes sense; I just thought your words were non-directive but wise. (And I was being a little sly.)

Paradox25's avatar

You’ve asked a great deal of questions on here concerning many issues ranging from joining the military to a whole host of other things. I’ve avoided responding to some of these, even though I have experience with some of your concerns, because I don’t believe you really know what you want in life. I’m willing to bet, based upon your pattern of questions, that this appears to be the thing causing most of your distress and mental instability in my opinion.

My advice to you here is to find something that truly interests you, and go for it full throttle. I’m talking about things that truly interest you, and not merely doing things to win the approval of others.You seem to be depending upon the approval of others too much while not focusing on yourself. Sometimes you have to simply tell others to fuck off and do your own thing.

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