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RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

How to become popular, respected, confident, and a generally more relaxed person?

Asked by RealEyesRealizeRealLies (30874points) March 6th, 2014

I have a few ideas, which have worked for me, and upon me from others. I’m hoping you can share ideas of your own which can help a person, specifically a younger person, achieve the confidence and level of popularity they desire, the respect they yearn for, and the relaxed future they dream of.

One thing that endeared me to a new long time friend was his taste and knowledge of music. My friend Don treats music like wine, seeming magically to know what style of music to play at any given moment. He shares play lists which create mood.

Point being, he became such an expert in something that it’s nothing he has to prove to anyone. His confidence is always one of sharing knowledge he has with the world, and understanding that by doing so, some in the world will become good life long friends. He love to learn from others too.

Kyle is the same, but he shares his computer knowledge, offering it up faster than a call to tech support. He’s found something that he enjoys and has become so relaxed with that it is no problem at all to share with and assist others. He also loves to learn from others.

My advice to young people is to forget about whether someone “likes” you or not. But to concentrate instead on finding your creative life love, and how to share it with others. With sharing comes natural networking, creating real opportunities far beyond whatever vague dream one might delude themselves with. I mean, dreams are nice and all. But reality is better.

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6 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

I like teasing authority figures and showing up noonish. Cherry picking assignments while deciding which one’s to do and which ones to “forget” to do.

zander101's avatar

I completely agree on “forget about whether someone likes you or not”. I feel that those who concentrate solely on being “liked” don’t develop a healthy self esteem which causes them to be unhappy and unable to maintain social interactions and relationships in their respective futures. Remember, you show others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. To become popular, respected, confident and relaxed is done by discovering a reflection of yourself through interactions with other people. Not everyone is the same, so it’s important to be receptive to that fact, that way it will generate respect from other peers/social groups.

hearkat's avatar

I found it helpful to take note of the traits and behaviors the I admired in others and to try to incorporate those into my own behaviors. It felt unnatural at first, but I told myself it was only because I had formulated bad thought and behavior patterns from a childhood that was sorely lacking good role models and mentors. It took the adage, “fake it ‘til you make it” to heart. I had to practice at behaving like the person I wanted to be, and to re-parent myself in order to lose the negative self-image and to gain a sense of integrity.

I also stopped worrying about making a good impression on others, because doing so is what sets up false pretenses. I decided that I would behave the same around new people as I do around the people I’ve known my whole life. If someone is going to like me, they need to see the real me, and not me on my “best behavior”. If someone doesn’t like me, it’s not personal – we all have people we like and don’t like, it’s human nature. In being consistently true to myself, I have become more easy-going and confident.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I’ve found that showing interest in others is the easiest way to make people feel appreciated, which in turn they give back to you.

Always be kind (if possible) and treat people as you’d be treated.

Don’t make people afraid of your moods, be consistant even if you’re having a crappy day.

Always make integrity and honesty and a smile a priority.

Treat everyone from the groundskeeper to a celebrity the same pleasant, professional way. (A very rich man told me this was one of his secrets for success.)

Inspired_2write's avatar

Find your niche in life and everything falls into place after that.
“being popular”.....for what is the question.
For good and noble deeds..yes
For mistakes ( think politics, slander etc) no
For crimes….no
So simply put being popular is looking for acceptance but being carefull in what arena of life.
What do you want to be known for?
Find an interest/passion that grabs your full attention to last a lifetime and you will discover that popularity does not matter at all…just your happiness in becoming engaged in a meaningfull interest.

Paradox25's avatar

This is great advice realeyes. A great deal of self-help literature and coaches out there are doing untold damage to many younger people by telling them how to conform to society and the expectations of others in a ‘more positive way’. This type of thinking seems dependent upon the notion that we need to live the life we were meant to live rather than living the life that we feel is best for us.

The fact is that you simply can’t depend upon others to like you. Even if the latter scenerio was potentially true, would you still be happy with yourself? My advice has always been similar, accept yourself for the type of person you are, and embrace it. Be open-minded, explore the world around you and find your interests, not interests that are politically correct, but interests that truly interest you.

You will build motivation, and with motivation you will soon become proficient enough to be good at your hobby, career, etc. This in turn breeds a true self-confidence and self-esteem that is very powerful, because it’s not reliant upon the approval of others, and thus does not allow others the power to take that away from you if things don’t work out with other people.

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