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AshLeigh's avatar

Does anyone else just need to vent?

Asked by AshLeigh (15889points) August 6th, 2014

It’s coming up on the 3rd anniversary of my best friends murder, and some nights I’m still crying. Sometimes I can’t even say his name, without choking.
People tell me it will get easier with time, but it’s been 3 years and it’s not any easier than it was the day he died. I’m mad that people act like I should be over this, as if it’s some minor inconvenience to my life.

Okay, vent away.

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14 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

You are right to be angry @AshLeigh. Losing a friend is one of the most traumatic experiences, and it’s hard to forget it. I know the people are just trying to make you feeling better, but their mistake is that they have trivialized the seriousness of the problem.

As long as your mourning doesn’t affect your daily life too much, then I think you’re fine with that. My grandma lost her husband 4 years ago, and although she can go on with her life, anytime someone mentions him she bursts in tear. It just shows that the friend has a special place in your heart.

ucme's avatar

There’s no such thing as a “grief calendar”, go your own way.
In other news, I broke a nail just now & i’m fucking fuming, just had them done as well.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

It will get easier to bear, Ash, but it will take time, lots of time, and it will never go away completely.
I am sorry to learn of this pain in your life. I did not know.
I have been there, not the same end, but facing the death of a loved one.
When people want to help with such things, they should just hand the suffering person a little card that says it is okay to call, and ask for something if you need it.

@ucme, so sorry to hear of your pain.

ucme's avatar

@Jonesn4burgers Cheers, its simply ruined my day darling. I’m strong though, so i’ll recover

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@AshLeigh Go ahead and let it go. As in venting. I’m here if you want to PM me. But I have a bit of bad news for you. It stays with you forever. It’s part of you from now on. And that’s okay, if we can take it and turn it into something good. And that’s very hard, but believe me, letting it get to you in a bad way will eat at you big time. I did that for a long time. But think of him and what he would want you to do.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I could vent but my issues are too minor to be appropriate in this thread.

UnholyThirst's avatar

I don’t need to vent about anything. Those who know me well are all aware of what I’ve done, doing, will do, etc.

I don’t really know you but from what I’ve seen of you I think you’re beautiful in and out. You’ll never give way to what you saw. You’ve captured that ghost that will stay with you. It’s up to you on how you present that to the world through your actions.

Eggie's avatar

Im sorry this has happened Ashleigh. I know that right now life is like a huge nightmare for you and personally I cannot begin to understand your pain, but trust in Time. Time heals all wounds, and love life no matter what.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’d love to vent, but since it would be about another thread and a particular jelly, I shall refrain from doing so.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I know how you feel to lose someone close suddenly , although it wasn’t a murder in our case the Brother in law and his brother died when their small plane crashed a few years back, losing someone close isn’t something you EVER get over, in time you learn to live with it and remember them with a warm smile instead of a tear.

cazzie's avatar

I vent to a certain audience. At the moment, this isn’t it.

No one can tell you how to feel, or has any right to judge your feelings. You do need to live as you feel fit, so if you ever feel you need help coping, reach out for help. Abide no judgements as you do.

rory's avatar

I’m so sorry for your loss. Fuck whoever says you should be over it. There are things you’re never entirely over. This is one of them.

I lost a best friend a year and a half ago to a heroin overdose. Shit’s brutal. Moving on is a continuum, and it’s like Xeno’s arrow—it goes halfway across a room, and then halfway across the remaining space, etc. It never hits the wall, it just gets closer in smaller increments.

AshLeigh's avatar

Thanks guys. Lurve you all.

longgone's avatar

Ungh. You don’t need that. Giving yourself time to grieve is one of the hardest things imaginable. Those idiots thinking you should be “over” the death of a loved one are clueless. A friend of mine killed himself a year ago, and almost immediately, I needed people to tell me grieving is normal. I was (and am) lucky enough to have friends and family encouraging me there, and I am so grateful for that.

It won’t go away, but it will get easier to live with. You are perfectly within your rights to grieve, and – if you feel like it – being happy is fine, too. Don’t try to manipulate yourself… treat yourself as well as you treat others.

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